Category Archives: Beltway Elite Media

The Big Chunks Float to the Top: The Time 100

Not that I would ever consider Time Magazine which is one of America’s preeminent mouthpieces for the status quo to be anything other than a credentialed propaganda organ but the latest issue is an abominable disgrace. The special double issue dated May 2, 2011 pays homage to the “World’s Most Influential People”, a who’s who of warmongers, fascists, lunatics, bigots, corporate stooges, media hacks and opportunistic shits that is truly astonishing to behold. While a smattering of individuals of moral character and some redeeming social value are thrown in, for example Joseph Stiglitz, one of the few economists who called the ongoing depression in advance and the besieged and soon to be murdered by the CIA or locked up in Gitmo and tortured six ways from Sunday Wikileaks founder Julian Assange they are few indeed and their inclusion among the pigs, crooks, thugs and bitches and bastards who are revered in mini hagiographies is more of a big middle finger – a true fuck you to the peasants.
This is some of the worst garbage conceivable but in a land where in true Orwellian style has collectively accepted the maxims that “freedom is slavery” and “war is peace” and the National Football League is bitching about a prolonged labor dispute that could postpone their shameless exploitation of the 9/11/2001 dead with a special tenth anniversary kickoff tribute to the American Reichstag Fire it is yet another sorry-assed example of a society that sucks and is damned proud of it.
Some of the honorees:
His Highness Barack Obama – Or more precisely “Brand Obama”, “” or “Judas Obama”. Never has one so disappointed so many in so little time. The shining beacon of transformational change to lead American out of the fetid dungeons of the Bush-Cheney torture state has proven to be even worse than his predecessors. Whether escalating the financially ruinous and immoral wars of aggression in Iraq, Afghanistan and dialing up drone strikes from afar in Pakistan the Pope of Hope is every bit the war freak and murderer that the office calls for. Obama has now thoroughly destroyed the economy to finish up the job started during the Bushreich, the appointment of Turbo Tax Timmy Geithner as a guardian to avaricious Wall Street interests and the reappointment of genocidal maniac Ben Bernanke as Federal Reserve Chairman should leave zero doubt as to whose side that Barry O. is truly on. As hardened criminals like Lloyd Blankfein of Goldman Sachs and his minions continue to loot with impunity Bernanke’s QE2 monetary policy to keep the casino going is contributing to a deadly upwards spike in food prices, fueling global unrest and ultimately starvation. One day Helicopter Ben will rank right up there with Mao, Pol Pot and Stalin when it comes to genocide by famine and Obama is down with it all. Say what you will about George W. Bush but at least he sent me $600.00. The corporate product in chief later weighs in with a piece of his own on Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords entitled “A Symbol of Civility” – quite an honor for someone who was shot in the head by a deranged gunman.
Hillary Rodham Clinton – The Secretary of State and the traveling saleswoman for U.S. imperialist policies. While much less obnoxious since the derailing of her Presidential ambitions Bubba’s better half radiated pure malevolence as she traipses the globe and ensures compliance or there will be war. Clinton along with Samantha Rice and the shrill harpy Susan Rice were instrumental in the latest unaffordable war in Libya. A few of the dubious achievements of Mrs. Rodham-Clinton was the leaked embassy cable showing that she ordered U.S. diplomats to spy on United Nations leaders (not that this didn’t occur under the Bush-Rove-Cheney Axis of Evil) and allowing retired CIA analyst Ray McGovern to be dragged away by goons and beaten up for standing up and turning his back on her during a speech where she was exalting freedom and democracy. Particularly embarrassed by the Wikileaks data dump Rodham-Clinton may personally administer the waterboarding of Julian Assange once he has been kidnapped and rendered into one of America’s secret torture black site prisons. 
John Boehner – Sadly the inclusion of Boehner, the orange-hued, chain-smoking, boozy Republican House Majority Leader is an improvement over say, Tom DeLay. While Tom of Texas was a ruthless bastard with an ideological agenda, an American Stalin who ruled with a relish for cruelty Boehner is strictly an “old school’ just plain corrupt politician. As well as a history of graft, lies and typically swinish behavior Boehner likes to go into these insanely over the top crying jags at the most opportune times. I would be hard pressed to think of a more nauseating spectacle than the unctuous fraud Bohner’s breaking into a blubbery jag of crocodile tears during any political debate nor a more hypocritical one, just think if the deposed Nancy Pelosi (who I am no fan of) would have broken down bawling and the attacks would be unrelenting.  Boehner’s act has always reminded me of that scene in the movie Used Cars where Toby the dog plays along with one of the lot lizard scams by playing dead to generate sympathy and guilt that would cause the prospective buyer to shell out money for the overpriced lemon that he would drive off the lot (the door fell off on the way out) – “that price is just too fucking high”! (I just had to slip that line in). Boner’s [sic] waterworks were right up there in terms of rank cynicism and in sneering insincerity as the tactics of any of the sleazeballs employed by the Fuchs Brothers on their competing lots and God knows in America there are ALWAYS buyers for that sort of lame horseshit – a land of suckers who breed like fucking rabbits and are ever proud to call themselves Republicans.
Paul Ryan – The neo-fascist Wisconsinite Bircher who is coming for your Medicare so that the real death panels can commence while the greedy pigs on Wall Street will be given the money to gamble with. The media fascination with the slimy little prick Ryan is just another example of just how much of a threat that the ruling class truly views the GOP co-opted Tea Party movement as. When featured in fawning front-page pieces in the Wall Street Journal the costumed clown army of pasty, fat, old white folks who are the true targets of scoundrels like Ryan and his ilk are the ultimate of useful idiots. In a true historical context the Tea Party is out protesting in FAVOR of the iron-fisted, tyranny of rule by the British Monarchy. Oh, and the homage to Ryan is written by none other than the extremist reactionary Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker who tabbed the rat-faced Ryan as “the Prophet of Republican Economics”.. you just couldn’t make shit like this up!
Charles and David Koch – After being outed as top financiers for the hostile fascist takeover of America the previously subterranean Koch Brothers have been working furiously to launch a public relations blitz for damage control. Their inclusion in the Top 100 is evidence of this but their images as some sort of misunderstood America loving patriots is about as dishonest and ridiculous as BP’s recent ad blitz featuring a parade of Louisiana residents inviting tourists to eat their contaminated shrimp.
General David Petraeus – None other than Defense Secretary Robert Gates contributed the gut-wrenching tribute to our very own General James Mattoon Scott. Nothing much needs to be said about Petraeus, the four-star bullshit artist who was pegged by his one time superior office Admiral James Fallon as an “ass-kissing little chickenshit”. King David is truly a disgrace to the uniform, for more in depth coverage see the Rolling Stone piece entitled King David’s War detailing how Petraeus cuts deals with murdering drug-lords as he promotes Surge II.
Joe Scarborough – That a guy who while a sitting congressman in Florida once had an ugly little inconvenience of a dead female intern being found in his office “morning Joe” has certainly carved out a place for himself that is very dear to the ruling elites is a textbook example of real American values.
Michelle Bachmann/Rush Limbaugh – The Minnesota moonbat Bachmann has replaced the deposed Sarah Palin as the leader of the wave of reactionary right-wing anti-intellectualism that is the equivalent of that of the Khmer Rouge and is the spokeswoman for the scumbagger mouthbreathers. The “conservatives delight” (of course there is nothing even remotely conservative about these fascists) is hailed by none other than that paragon of moral values Rush Limbaugh who claims to have “talent on loan from God” yet can’t achieve an erection without pharmaceutical assistance. While Glenn Beck was the sort of demagogue that would have made Der Sturmer proud it was the pigman whose pioneering rise as the voice of angry white male animosity poisoned the American heartland after Reagan fucked over the farmers and facilitated the early destruction of all that once made this county great. When Poppy Bush was riding high it was Limbaugh who he credited for his success, so much so that the diseased pig was invited to sleep overnight in the Lincoln Bedroom at the White Hose where he probably jacked off under the sheets.
Jamie Dimon – I have to say that I admire Time’s restraint here in honoring only one of the degenerate gamblers of Wall Street who have destroyed the economy and are still paying out millions in bonuses as the reassemble their toxic shit into more speculative instruments to finish the job. Only in America.
Arianna Huffington – Dubbed the Baroness of the blogosphere for her callous selling of her website Huffington Post (second only to the cyber den of iniquity of the great orange satan Markos Moulitsas-Zuniga’s Daily Kos as the most disingenuous and exploitative ‘liberal’ site) to corporate behemoth AOL for $315 million. You would figure that after a payday like that Der Baroness could scrounge up some change from her couch cushions to pay for the content that others contribute to the Huff Po but she exhibits the same sort of sneering sense of entitlement and disdain for those lower than her exalted status as Leona Helmsley. I must say that I consider it a badge of honor that in my six years as a blogger that I NEVER stooped to trying to get any of my work published at the Huffington Post.
Oprah Winfrey – Any serious honoring of the swine of American society would be incomplete without Oprah Inc. whose charismatic cult leader mass appeal could induce millions to eat a bowl of fresh dogshit on command. Oprah is the avatar of a colony of television lobotomized zombies who are slaves of the mind in Murka, as media critic Danny Schechter so aptly puts it “the more they watched, the less they knew”, if TV induced psychosis were a religion Oprah Winfrey would be its messiah.
Marine Le Pen – Daughter of uber-fascist Jean Marie Le Pen, the French counterpart to the U.S. Republican party when it comes to anti-gay, xenophopic, hatemongering anti-Semitic politics that are the bred and butter of leaders of the international klaven of Tea Baggers.
Benjamin Netanyahu – By definition every head of state is a war criminal, Bibi, the vicious and cunning overlord of the human rights abusing rogue state Israel whose mastery of the American fifth column of Christian Zionist extremists is truly a master of war.Now revving up for another incursion into Gaza that will be greeted with cheers by devotees of Israel’s off with their heads style of diplomacy.
Joe Biden – At least the picture of the veep didn’t have him with his nose embedded up Netanyahu’s ass. The piece, written by the ultra slimy and foul mouthed political hack Rahm Emanuel exalts Biden as “America’s Counselor in Chief” for the wonderful guidance that he has provided Obama during the third Bush term (or is it Clinton’s fifth?).
Noticeably absent was the 2009 Man of the Year Ben Bernanke, Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck or the Donald for that matter…

Just my two cents over the morning cup o’ joe


Rising Swine: Pandemic or Propaganda?

Is it just me or has the swine flu pandemic panic been a very fortuitous occurrence for one Richard B. Cheney and his fellow war criminal scum. It was only last week that the horrors of the torture memos were the order of the day and a pitched battle was being fought by activists and patriots over the waffling Obama administration’s ongoing failure to enforce the law. But then the word went out that we were all going to die and the media mongrels quickly snapped up the bullshit biscuits and stood on their hind legs begging for more. The torture memos are now a part of history, cast down the memory hole. It’s time to just move along as the Pope of Hope says, nothing to see here. We have work to do on our national rejuvenation you see and any sort of restoration of the law would be seen as a partisan witch hunt and reek of vengeance. Besides, our very own Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, your illustrious and feckless Democratic leaders were privvy to it all anyway.

Not to minimize the dangers of a global pandemic, especially not in a day when the world is run by hard core criminals, financial jackals and eugenics freaks. Anyone with a good feel for history and the way that the fuckers think has to be on alert every time that a potentially devastating and population reducing virus rears it’s head. Hey, I’ve read the white papers, am very cognizant of the seething disdain for the teeming masses that one still sliming around the planet Henry Kissinger once referred to as “useless eaters” and have this wild hair up my ass lately about the culling. But right now, with the country in panic mode but still with only isolated cases to this point it smells very badly to me, and not the sweet smell of the decomposing corpses laid low by Captain Trips in Stephen King’s epic post-apocalyptic novel The Stand. This smells like yet another of those fear and sensationalism media events that so often seem to swallow real and important news stories, relegating them to the shredder of memory and well out of the attention span of the average ant-brained American over-consuming, maxed-out sheep.

Being a suspicious person by nature and then turned into an even more hardened cynic by the abominations of the Bush-Cheney reign of terror and the feckless corporate toady Dems who enabled their every illegal act, I am not convinced by all of this fear mongering. One week’s pirates is another week’s pandemic and there is nothing like a massive distraction that our lazy, inept, careerist legions of media charlatans and hacks find to be easier work than blowing every morbid event out of proportion. You sure as hell aren’t going to find any of those twits who found the money to be better acting as shills rather than as true reporters out doing the hard work like getting to the bottom of the international criminality of the Bush administration, Jane Harman and others treasonous fornication with AIPAC and other agents of foreign governments or even the mass looting and wealth redistribution now entering stage two as Wall Street strikes back. No, they would rather circle like lazy vultures, slowly picking the flesh from molested and murdered children, masturbating over missing white teenaged females or drooling over the latest lurid celebrity sex scandal.

The opportunism here is incredible already and never forget that there is money to be made over mass panics, look at the windfall for Bayer when the still unsolved Anthrax attacks back in 2001 for example. Both Gilead and Roche the developer and manufacturer of the Tamiflu stand to make out very well as do Glaxo and Relenza and the stock is shooting up right now, that’s what you just gotta love about American capitalism, there is never any shame over profiteering over pestilence. Conversely, the storyline is already out there that a pandemic would severely damage the wondrous economic rejuvenation that is now under way as a result of the hugely successful coordinated public relations coup that was patterned after the General Petreaus SURGE and assisted greatly by both the changing of the mark to market accounting rules as well as the Wall Street mole filled Obama administration’s ongoing capitulation to the big boys of banking.The four-flushing financial oligarchs are now going to have it both ways, they can blame any loss of confidence in their Ponzi schemes on the pandemic while gambling on pharmaceuticals.

Reich wing squawkers like Glenn ‘General Bethlehem’ Beck raged that it was all a liberal plot by that hated commie Obama to pressure the Republican dead enders to cave on their filthy filibuster and confirm Kathleen Sebelius as HHS Secretary. Sebelius was of course confirmed yesterday after the fascists were blindsided by the news that Arlen ‘the magic bullet’ Specter changed his party affiliation to Democrat – one P.R. disaster a day is enough for the American brownshirts. Other flaming propagandists of the fascist right like Michael Weiner-Savage to no surprise blamed it all on the illegal aliens “Make no mistake about it: Illegal aliens are the carriers of the new strain of human-swine avian flu from Mexico.” It was all in a day’s work for the rabid right and the carefully selected editors who use their filtering ability in order to control what Americans see and hear in the cesspool that is the corporate media.

While I remain skeptical about his latest national panic given the long and sordid history of fear mongering in Der Heimat I also am wary, this could be the real thing. After all, there are stories floating around that I find to be extremely disturbing and make me want to run out and stockpile canned food, bottled water and more ammo. Take for example the revelation that three vials of viral material went missing from Fort Detrick, MD recently, I am still creeped out over that story about the Georgia Guidestones that was recently sent to me by a friend and there is always that dread about exactly why did all of those microbiologists die under strange circumstances in the aftermath of the big wedding? Then there was that NPR interview where an allusion was made that the swine flu was spliced together with different strains that may have been cooked up in a laboratory, like I have already said, I would put absolutely NOTHING by these bastards who run the system and want to keep it that way.

As I finish this up over my morning cup o’ joe (coffee not that asshole talking head in whose office a dead intern was found) it has just been announced that the first American death from the swine flu virus has been confirmed. Maybe this is the big one, it is just impossible to make any sort of informed decision on anything that comes from the corporate media. Shit, just who the fuck can you trust anymore?

Now in closing, if any of you readers do happen to contact this nasty virus it is imperative that you act quickly so as to ensure that you are able to do the right thing while you are still strong (and alive for that matter) please be encouraged to go and hang out in one of the following places (the more the better) –

1: Evangelical Christian Megachurches
2: Gun Shows
3: Monster Truck Shows
4: Teabagger Gatherings (double bonus points for this one)

Then go get your meds!

On The Utter Uselessness of Political Polls

An Idiot Nation drinks pollster Kool Aid

Been laying low for awhile and working on bigger and better things but I just have to get past this burr up my ass on the latest polls that have the Mulatto Miracle on the ropes as a result of the jump starting of hostilities with the Russkies along with all other manner of nonsensical horseshit designed to pander to the morons in this dumbest fucking country in the history of humanity.

This was a reply to a post that I did on another blog that expresses my utter and complete contempt for a most contemptible mass media and their ridiculous fucking polls.

Fascist or Fascist Lite – you be the judge!

Just like those fucking tests that they do in your grocery store between frozen shit and the new and improved frozen shit.

Just a fuckin’ rant folks….

RE – Other than Sham Polls…

Like this one because if you read between the lines the polled are those who are at home sitting on their asses in front of their beloved electronic god in the living room vs. the more savvy and informed who choose not to rot in front of their TV you can see that the numbers are skewed and a scam as well.

Now WHY is this happening NOW

A cynic like myself smells a Clintonist overthrow at the Denver Convention next week by portraying Jesus Obama as unelectable – at the very least it is pressure for the V.P. slot and we all know how well that worked out for LBJ.

On the other hand, a lot of folks including myself are pissed as hell at Mr. Obama for his feckless pandering – screw the nauseating display of him prostrating himself in front of AIPAC the vomit reflex was triggered during that false prophet Rick Warren’s travelling salvation show last week – which has turned off those of us who are very serious about this change thing and aren’t going to be hornswoggled by some finely attired frontman for the looter capitalist empire.

Now here is the funny thing, an Obama advance research operative called me at home tonight asking me what I thought.

-I said that while I have ALWAYS been a registered independent I have always voted Democrat with the exception of Ross Perot in 96.

-I said that I am furious over busting my ass to elect Democrats in 2006 only to go Judas and refuse to live up to their implied contract in ending the war and holding the war criminals accountable.

-I told her that the minute that St. Barack threw Reverend Wright under the bus for telling the truth (although it could have been expressed better) that I smelled the big con coming again.

-And finally I said that my vote will NOT go to any Democrat from now until hell freezes over until that corrupt lie of an opposition party stands up for working class Americans again.

There was a long and uncomfortable silence on the other end of the phone and then I said please feel free to call back in October.

The polls lie as badly as the charlatans that the two party oligarchy trots out as legitimate choices.


RE: Frick and Frack aka Obama and McCain

They remind me of that old commercial for chicken mcnuggets or something done by a competitor (Wendy’s?) – pieces are pieces and parts are parts. Obama and McCain are interchangible ass clowns who will do nothing whatsoever to change the course of a disastrous foreign policy that now incredibly has the U.S. on a collision course with Russia who does have nukes and a shitload of them.

I defended Obama against that filthy whore Hillary Rodham Clinton against the protestations of others as well as their good advice at the time of people not as naive as I to believe that there was enough of a functional system left that it could still be changed through traditional means – I was wrong.

The Reverend Wright thing put a burr up my ass because every damned thing that the man said was spot on and the full pressure of the pocket media kingmakers was brought down on Mr. Obama including a brutal interview on Press the Meat by the prematurely deceased courtier and stooge Tim Russert. Obama could have used it as an opening to address the issues of American imperialism, racism, state sanctioned medical experimentation on blacks (see Tuskegee) and the blowback of 9/11 (which I am a skeptic of because I still believe that it was a highly coordinated Edward Luttwak style coup d’etat undertaken by a multi-national cadre of professionals). But he caved

Then there was the putting on of that stupid fucking beanie and grovelling at the feet of those extremist right wing pigs in Israel to prove that he was trustworthy enough to continue to turn a blind eye to their monstrous human rights violations, their infiltration of the U.S. government for the purpose of espionage and blackmail and their ongoing abuse of The Holocaust as justification to wage their own genocidal campaigns.

FISA was what really soured me on the Magic Mulatto, the Democrats have NO intention whatsoever of restoring the rule of law to the land or our civil liberties and the cowardly cave in on Bush’s illegal spying (to GWB’s credit it was going on long before he arrived though through ECHELON and Main Core)and the granting of Telecom immunity for their crimes.

There have been a myriad of other things as well but the disgusting suckfest in front of the Raptureheads and misguided knuckledraggers who hate for Jesus at that fucking moronic false prophet Rick Warren’s goat barn was the final straw.

Fuck them all man, this thing is too far gone to be saved and I no longer advocate even participating in the con game by voting – it is a waste of time and bestows the aura of legitimacy on a corrupt lie of a process.

Now back to the transcription dungeon, I have about a hundred and a half pages of the Oglesby book to go but also am working on what I hope to be a dynamite piece on the surveillance state – can’t give too many details now though.

Just my two cents over the Morning Cup O’ Joe


Dispatch from Idiot America: Obama’s Bubba Gap

You know who is bitter in America? I am. Because shit-kickers voted twice for a retarded guy they wanted to have a beer with, and everybody else had to suffer the consequences!

-Bill Maher

The bubba vote? What a fucking hoot! Newsweek magazine just continues to amaze in their increasingly successful quest to become America’s predominant tabloid shitrag. This week’s cover story is laughingly entitled Obama’s Bubba Gap and flogs the latest Clinton slime machine storyline that the magical mulatto is failing to attract the same dumb motherfucker demographic who were largely responsible for giving us the eight year running pox on western civilization that is the George W. Bush soft dictatorship.

The Clintons are really fixated bagging their share of rubes with the tired charge that Obama is some sort of high falutin, nappy headed version of John Kerry, an effete snob and an ivory tower elitist who some slobbering white trash freak wouldn’t want to have a beer with. He is just a prissy boy with no ‘testicular fortitude’ who doesn’t throw down shots of whiskey at photo ops and can’t bowl worth a damn, but I sure as hell bet that he can wind surf and is a living god when it comes to polo.

This is just phase 26 of the ‘kitchen sink strategy’ designed by a vengeful woman scorned in the aftermath of that Super Tuesday so long ago to keep moving the goalposts down the field, paying off the refs and making the ball carrier face repeated flagrant fouls on the way to the end zone. Like some grotesque running of the gauntlet designed to exact the maximum amount of damage because the ultimate sin in Murka is bucking the system. I brings to mind the great and eerily prophetic 70’s movie Rollerball in which Jonathan E. refuses to retire and faces the ultimate death match of a game with no rules, no time limit and a sole purpose of publicly killing him because he had the audacity to believe that he was bigger than the ‘game’.

A lot of those 70’s movies have a lot of relevance today when viewed again because let’s face it, people really had their shit together a lot more back then and were scared fucking shitless of what this country was becoming. Rollerball was about the corporatization of the planet, the elimination of any actual wars and the mass opiate game that kept the masses in line, I would strongly recommend it to anyone who hasn’t seen it and don’t waste your time with the silly remake. Soylent Green is looking more and more like the work of great work of vision too with the current world food crisis, global warming, over population and borderline anarchy. How long is it going to be before some corporate genius comes up with the great solution that wraps up everything in one great bundled solution for all of our current problems?

Hell, the prototype program is already out there just waiting to take on some of that great added value that Wall Street looters cream their suits over and of course like so many other nefariously anti-American things like web censorship, bioweapons, military arms and vaccines is it being test marketed in a country without the civil liberties protections that even our now picked clean constitution offers us here in Der Heimat.

It was recently revealed that the Chinese government (you know, the human rights abusing chinks sponsoring the idiotic corporate Olympics this summer) is utilizing mobile execution units or ‘death vans’ to dispatch with criminals and more than likely in keeping with tradition, other enemies of the state including any dissidents that are not destined for slave labor factories to produce cheap shit for export to your local Wal-Mart.

The old Stalin era Russians sent out bread trucks at night to haul off dissidents, the Nazi’s used buses with non-threatening silhouettes of people painted onto the windows so as to not appear menacing in order to more easily lure their victims into vehicles that were specially designed to asphyxiate the occupants with exhaust fumes, could it be that there will be big yellow smiley faces painted on the vans when they are rolled out here in the USA? As with Google and Microsoft who are currently using China as a market in which they can beta test internet censorship software before the imminent U.S. rollout it is probably only a matter of time until there is a death van coming very soon to a location near you. And since you are out here acting as a subversive blogger in the Bushreich’s surveillance state rest assured that YOU will likely already be on the pick up list.

On being confronted with the gruesome truth about the new state fleet Chinese officials were positively Rovian in their shameless explanation that the vans actually represented a more humane means of performing executions rather than the traditional use of firing squads and for good measure further justified the new program by saying that it actually benefits the poor per the following excerpt from a 2006 USA Today story:

Makers of death vans say they save money for poor localities that would otherwise have to pay to construct execution facilities in prisons or court buildings. The vans ensure that prisoners sentenced to death can be executed locally, closer to communities where they broke the law.

My God that sounds so Murkan that it sends a cold chill running up my spine. Just how quickly do you think that the one party rulership of this country would jump at the opportunity to introduce legislation to roll out the newest weapon in the ‘Global War on Terror’ to deal with all of those sleeper cells of secular humanist, al-Qaeda worshipping, godless, gay loving liberals? And guess which company will probably get the no-bid contract? If you guessed the same one that was recently awarded $385 million to construct ‘temporary detention facilities’ you are already more of a danger to the state than you might realize.

But wait, there’s more. The truly ghoulish part of this horrible tale is that the death vans are staffed with medical professionals who after performing the execution by lethal injection then proceed to harvest the victim’s organs which are put up for sale and the bodies are being driven immediately to a crematorium before relatives are allowed to view the decesaed or otherwise investigate. According to Amnesty International, the same world human rights organization that incurred the wrath of the Bushist government for their condemnation of our new national right to torture and maintain a gulag system:

Injections leave the whole body intact and require participation of doctors. Organs can “be extracted in a speedier and more effective way than if the prisoner is shot,” says Mark Allison, East Asia researcher at Amnesty International in Hong Kong. “We have gathered strong evidence suggesting the involvement of (Chinese) police, courts and hospitals in the organ trade.

Executions in death vans are recorded on video and audio that is played live to local law enforcement authorities — a measure intended to ensure they are carried out legally.
China’s refusal to give outsiders access to the bodies of executed prisoners has added to suspicions about what happens afterward: Corpses are typically driven to a crematorium and burned before relatives or independent witnesses can view them.

Chinese authorities are sensitive to allegations that they are complicit in the organ trade. In March, the Ministry of Health issued regulations explicitly banning the sale of organs and tightening approval standards for transplants.

Even so, Amnesty International said in a report in April that huge profits from the sale of prisoners’ organs might be part of why China refuses to consider doing away with the death penalty.

What a great idea for the mutated form of capitalism/fascism that is so popular in the world among the globalists today and the vans can also one day be used to facilitate the elimination of the unfit so that the entire Social Darwinist process can be accelerated. The organ market represents yet another opportunity for money to be made, you can bet that Wall Street will go absolutely bonkers over the profit potential and the futures market will explode faster than you can say Thurston Howell III. Aren’t the wonders of the fucking free market grand?

There is a marvelously sick serendipity in the possibility of the death vans hitting the domestic market at exactly the same time when civil liberties are disappearing, secret arrests are looming, the death penalty is being expanded and Haliburton is constructing concentration camps for ‘future programs’ yet to be defined, people are getting hungrier by the day and with the U.S. manufacturing base having been gutted the bean counters are desperately looking for a new export product other than toxic financial shit bombs.

Could Soylent Red, White and Blue be coming soon?

But I digress….

We have come to where the highest qualification for the presidency is the abilty to successfully pander to the white trash aka the Hoosier state vote, a bunch of ignorant racist hicks who worship Larry Bird, just Midwestern versions of the same dumb, beer swilling, testosterone reeking dipshits who were largely responsible for George W. Bush and the by proxy ass fucking of the rest of America. It was pretty damned funny when this little story came out that Clinton hack Mickey Kantor is in the political classic movie on the 1992 Bubba For President campaign War Room referring to those pasty white inbred idiots in Indiana that are now being hornswoggled as get this – “white niggers”! The actual quote attributed to Kantor is “How would you like to be a worthless white nigger?” Now that is piss your pants hilarious but Bill O’Reilly won’t be asking the Queen about that one during her next hot session of dry humping on Rupert Murdoch’s right-wing propaganda pulpit will he? This is as astoundingly humorous a bit of true honesty as when Jack Abramoff referred to the rubber fetus crowd as the bunch of ingorant, knuckledragging morons that they are an email that was exposed a few years back. I say that Hillary has one set of brass balls to accuse Obama of being an elitist with yuppie pricks like Kantor on the staff.

Does Hillary shave her pits? Why does Michella Obama hate America? Where’s his Merkin flag pin, is she really a hermaphrodite? just how are them hoop shootin’ local white boys at the local all American John Cougar Fucking Mellencamp little foreclosed on pink houses small town high school going to do this year? That is about as sophisticated as it gets for the dumbest fucking collection of white trash corn fed, pumpkin patch peckerwoods north of the Mason Dixon Line. Shit yeah, we have no jobs, the double-wide is in pre-foreclosure and the kids are going to bed cold and hungry but goddamit we are gonna wage us a proxy war against that uppity high fallutin darkie and all of his Muslim buddies.

And no amount of the empty suit’s damnation of Reverend Wright is going to do one fucking thing to change the mind of the ‘nigger hating white niggers’ when it comes down to it, they will all obediently goosestep to their polling places come November and cast their votes for John McCain.

The shit-kickers and rubes will once again be the ones who ultimately make the choice come November, they will swallow the same bullshit in a slightly different package and the rest of us will continue to suffer the consequences of living in a country with such an overwhelming amount of willfully ignorant, easily suckered morons.

I am beginning to strongly suspect that we are all doomed to be fucked!

God Bless America!!!!

Hillary Rodham Clinton: Pirranha in a Pantsuit

Tuesday night’s hundredth (or it just fucking seems like it) Democratic Party debate was the gunfight at the OK Corral for Hillary Rodham-Clinton, time to take down that uppity new sheriff who was threatening the cattle barons and she rode into town with an icy glare, a lust for the kill regaled in full Machiavellian power bitch black. She sleazed, she slimed, she used innuendo, she bitched and she moaned and she tried to link Barack Obama to the dreaded Louis Farrakhan the fake devil who is the leader of the Nation of Islam who endorsed him which also allowed for the dealing from the bottom of the deck the balls nastiest of all weapons: the Anti-Semite card. Farrakhan, the dude with that nifty bowtie just like the one that Tucker Carlson likes to prance around in may have endorsed Obama but he is far from the only national figure to do so, Chris Dodd came out for the B Man yesterday as well and we sure as hell aren’t allowed to scrutinize the high rolling Big Apple Jews (the “New York money people” as Clinton supporter Wesley Clark used to refer to them) who funnel money into the Hillary machine despite their loathsome support of human rights abuses and war crimes against the Palestinians but that is another rant for another time, and besides it is just damned un-American to criticize such an important ally.

The real heavy artillery though was rolled out by some fuckwad little dipshit Clinton operatives over at the Drudge Report (now an outlet for Clinton slime)of Mr. Obama in Somali garb that “jist makes him look like al-Qaeda” and besides, he don’t swear on the bible, won’t wear one of them thar ‘murkan flag lapel pin thingies and his wife ain’t proud of her country so he must be a terrist…get used to that because you are going to be hearing a lot of it, especially if you happen to live in peckerwood nation. When all else fails, go negative and the Clintons are masters at such dark arts having practically fornicated in the gutter with some of the lowest sleazeballs in American politics, think James Carville and Dick Morris and now of course the grossly overpaid Karl Rove wannabe Mark Penn. She did all but give America’s shining new prince a running dropkick in the balls the several days and with the Lone Star state showdown less than a week away and the spin-meisters having somehow flim-flammed Americans into thinking that an overhyped loser of 11 straight primaries is starting the game with a tied score this next six days are going to be extremely ugly for Barack Hussein Obama.

The Clintons have in addition to using Drudge as a cut out to circulate the already infamous picture that has the moronic fuckheads in this blooming Idiocracy screaming ‘Manchurian candidate’ at what they have been sold to be one of those madrassa bred Islamofascists set to take over the United States by stealth proudly launched a kitchen sink campaign of scorched earth demagoguery and smears that will assuredly light up the sky and only strengthen the resurgent John McCain another traveler who successfully managed to turn a story about his business as usual graft mongering with lobbyists into an all out frontal attack at American Pravda aka the damned liberal New York Times. There is also the recently floated link to the radical Weather Underground, fear mongering about needing experience because people are going to kill us otherwise and the ultimate indignity a comparison to George W. Bush himself.

The Clintons are going to have their restoration or they are going to hunker down like Adolf Hitler during those desperate final days in the bunker right before the Goebbels children were poisoned and Der Fuhrer decided to go on and perform fellatio on a luger right before loyalists would soak the bodies with gasoline and torch the whole fucking mess while the Russians were laying seige to Berlin. It seems that Der Führer just had this bug up his ass that led to him declaring war against the German people themselves for failing to see that thousand year Reich thing through because, Goddamnit he was entitled to be the ruler of the world.

Gotterdammerung or Bust! Bad analogy? Maybe, maybe not but you get the point.

Mrs. Clinton has become increasingly unhinged over the last few days as the true sting of the mass rejection of her by Americans becomes more apparent. Hillary Rodham-Clinton is like a foreign object, a toxin force fed down the throats of the so-called opposition and the body is reacting as it naturally would – it is in the process of vomiting it up. The sheer rage of Clinton is a wonder to behold and much is being written about it by the more astute while the apologists, aspiring lackeys and assorted other hillemmings eat Dunkin Donuts and lash out while the bunker itself if being overrun. I especially liked this one by p m carpenter very appropriately entitled Thorazine Time For Hillary and her manufactured outrage over some Obama mailings in Ohio that provided the excuse for this latest PMS bitch fit:

No candidate at this hopeless, pointless stage in what you might call his or her right mind would launch such a party-splitting, nerve-shattering attack. It was “wrong.” It was “shameful.” It was “destructive.” It played right into the GOP’s hands, and every Democrat should indeed be outraged.

But about every Democrat, Hillary is thinking not one minute. She is thinking about only one. She has lost all human perspective, engulfed as she is in a narcissistic, entitled rage. If Democrats won’t have her, then the country — which earlier this week she still mawkishly prayed would “be fine … no matter what happens” — won’t have any Democrat in the White House come 2009. So she’d be primed for an earlier run in 2012, not 2016.

Hillary Clinton is now less a tragic figure right out of Karl Rove’s playbook than straight out of Shakespeare. She’s willing to sell the fate of an entire nation down the road, so that someday, sooner, she may be queen.

And if you reject the Shakespeare metaphor, perhaps Ann Rice? Please, somebody grab a wooden stake.

Now that’s some fucking great commentary, absolutely brilliant and spot on and as for those mailings you know I could care less if the Obama campaign were circulating pamphlets stating that the Clintons were participating in Illuminati Satanic child sacrifices at the Bohemian Grove, this is all more of the ridiculous bullshit and pissing and moaning from a woman scorned who is still in denial that she has triangulated herself into a trap from which there is no escape. In the end it is all about the war and that cynical vote on the Kyl-Lieberman amendment to pander to the neocons and Zionazis was just a bridge too far. Whether before Denver or after bringing the party down so that she can get her ass kicked by McCain in the general election it always will be about Iraq, and the betrayal of every quisling Democrat who enabled the bitch while burying a dagger in the backs of Americans.

Frank Rich also did another piece on Clinton in the NYT on Sunday continuing his hitting streak with his latest entitled The Audacity Of Hopelessness:

When people one day look back at the remarkable implosion of the Hillary Clinton campaign, they may notice that it both began and ended in the long dark shadow of Iraq.

It’s not just that her candidacy’s central premise — the priceless value of “experience” — was fatally poisoned from the start by her still ill-explained vote to authorize the fiasco. Senator Clinton then compounded that 2002 misjudgment by pursuing a 2008 campaign strategy that uncannily mimicked the disastrous Bush Iraq war plan. After promising a cakewalk to the nomination — “It will be me,” Mrs. Clinton told Katie Couric in November — she was routed by an insurgency.

And –

Clinton fans don’t see their standard-bearer’s troubles this way. In their view, their highly substantive candidate was unfairly undone by a lightweight showboat who got a free ride from an often misogynist press and from naïve young people who lap up messianic language as if it were Jim Jones’s Kool-Aid. Or as Mrs. Clinton frames it, Senator Obama is all about empty words while she is all about action and hard work.

But it’s the Clinton strategists, not the Obama voters, who drank the Kool-Aid. The Obama campaign is not a vaporous cult; it’s a lean and mean political machine that gets the job done. The Clinton camp has been the slacker in this race, more words than action, and its candidate’s message, for all its purported high-mindedness, was and is self-immolating.

And –

The insults continued on Tuesday night when a surrogate preceding Mrs. Clinton onstage at an Ohio rally, Tom Buffenbarger of the machinists’ union, derided Obama supporters as “latte-drinking, Prius-driving, Birkenstock-wearing, trust-fund babies.” Even as he ranted, exit polls in Wisconsin were showing that Mr. Obama had in fact won that day among voters with the least education and the lowest incomes. Less than 24 hours later, Mr. Obama received the endorsement of the latte-drinking Teamsters.

What wonderful irony, the Clinton campaign is now ripping off the infamous Harry and Louise ads but to anyone who understands Hillary Rodham-Clinton and her fake liberalism this should be no surprise that the former Goldwater Girl would draw so heavily on the Republican playbook. But this seething and seemingly irrational hatred of Obama is personal for a very different reason than is widely acknowledged. Hillary is so pissy because she is getting her clock cleaned by a guy who actually worked under the legendary Saul Alinsky who she did a famous thesis on and then turned down an actual gig, she was already a serial triangulator way back then. What a hoot. This is a great excerpt that I ran across from from the conservative website called American Thinker (an oxymoron if I ever heard one) called Obama’s Alinsky Jujitsu:

These personal qualities are not the sole reason he is where he is, and I suspect the wily Mrs. Clinton knows this full well. I suspect it must bother her that Obama also appears to have mastered the playbook used by her own political teacher, the legendary amoral guru of left wing activism, Saul Alinksy.

Hillary has met not only her match in Alinsky tactics, she has met the master of bloodless socialist revolution, in my opinion.

Obama’s Alinsky Lessons

Barack Obama had just graduated from Columbia and was looking for a job. Some white leftists were looking for someone who could recruit in a black neighborhood in the south side of Chicago.

Obama answered a help-wanted ad for a position as a community organizer for the Developing Communities Project (DCP) of the Calumet Community Religious Conference (CCRC) in Chicago. Obama was 24 years old, unmarried, very accustomed to a vagabond existence, and according to his memoir, searching for a genuine African-American community.

Both the CCRC and the DCP were built on the Alinsky model of community agitation, wherein paid organizers learned how to “rub raw the sores of discontent,” in Alinsky’s words.

One of Obama’s early mentors in the Alinsky method was Mike Kruglik, who had this to say to an Ryan Lizza of The New Republic, about Obama:

“He was a natural, the undisputed master of agitation, who could engage a room full of recruiting targets in a rapid-fire Socratic dialogue, nudging them to admit that they were not living up to their own standards. As with the panhandler, he could be aggressive and confrontational. With probing, sometimes personal questions, he would pinpoint the source of pain in their lives, tearing down their egos just enough before dangling a carrot of hope that they could make things better.”
The agitator’s job, according to Alinsky, is first to bring folks to the “realization” that they are indeed miserable, that their misery is the fault of unresponsive governments or greedy corporations, then help them to bond together to demand what they deserve, and to make such an almighty stink that the dastardly governments and corporations will see imminent “self-interest” in granting whatever it is that will cause the harassment to cease.

In these methods, euphemistically labeled “community organizing,” Obama had a four-year education, which he often says was the best education he ever got anywhere.

Is it any wonder, then, that Obama’s Alinsky Jujitsu is making mincemeat of the woman who merely interviewed Alinsky, wrote about him, and spent the next 30 years in corporate law and in the lap of taxpayer-funded luxury in government mansions?

While she has obviously been outflanked by the far more savvy Obama who is ready to checkmate the bitch in a move right out of Alinsky’s playbook, the irony of the whole thing is fucking delicious. While Obama is playing multi-level chess to her checkers games for the rubes it will be ultimately be her lack of any sort of a principled stand on any of the truly important matters of the Bush years when we as a nation were stripped of our civil liberties, spied upon, made subject to torture, were looted and saw illegal wars launched that have turned the United States into a global pariah.

Then there is that voice, I can’t possibly think of anything more grating than that voice, it is worse than Edith Bunker on helium. That nagging, mean spirited and accusatory tone is something that just makes the hair on the back of the necks of every married man in America stand up. Hillary Rodham-Clinton may be talking about perpetual warfare, the need for experience, pimping the security state, engaging in slime and destroy rhetoric or talking about the need for a healthcare reform system that keeps in place the very same for profit system that has sucked us dry like leeches on our backs but there is that voice. It is the same sort of hectoring and haranguing that brays at the fucked over American male to get his lazy ass out of the barcalounger and take out the trash. It is like nails on a chalkboard – believe me, I live through that personal hell on a daily basis and when she has lost the football watching, beer bellied, limp dick demographic she truly has lost America.

KOSFEST and The ‘New Rush’

Chicago (IL) – During the Kosapalooza lovefest the great one himself stood atop the dais, it was as though the savior himself was ascending the mount, the fingers of his apostles went flying in unison to their laptop keyboards, the noise was overwhelming, like that of the clacking mandibles of an advancing army of dung beetles. This was Markos Moulitsas Zuniga’s coming out party, on Friday morning he achieved crossover appeal from notorious mockingbird Howard Kurtz’ Media Notes column in the Washington Post to E.J. Dionne Jr.’s latest piece The Rise Of Kos where he was essentially proclaimed to be the ‘new Rush Limbaugh’. While I certainly would not be pleased to be compared to a racist, misogynist, drug addled, thrice divorced pig who can’t get a hard on without pharmaceutical assistance and whose sex tourist soirees of vile debauchery through the fleshpots and brothels of the Dominican Republic hardly make him a champion of ‘values’ I am sure that Zuniga is cackling with glee all the way to the bank and enjoying his moment in the spotlight as the Dems make their pilgrimage to kiss his ring. I do however give the devil his due for planting a gigantic bug up the ass of the state sponsored neocon FOX network’s chief fascist blowhard Bill O’Reilly.

While the normal tactics over at ‘Orange’ are very much like the cutting of microphones (locking of accounts), petty demagogy (troll ratings) and appeal to the same type of sycophantic retrograde morons (kossacks) that are utilized on The O’Reilly Factor the point is well made that Kos and his slithering minions are exactly the sort of squadrons of angry winged monkeys that have long been lacking as a counter to the Freepers, Dittoheads and other bullies and frustrated thumb sucking dipshits on the extreme right, as Dionne puts it:

Daily Kos is often described as liberal, but it is, more than anything, partisan. Its core assumption is that ideological conservatives made the Republican Party their vehicle and rallied in lock step against Democrats. The party of FDR and JFK needed to find the same discipline. The key litmus tests for Kos and his many allies in the blogosphere involve not long lists of issues developed by the American Civil Liberties Union or the AFL-CIO, but loyalty in standing up against Bush and doing what’s necessary to build a Democratic majority.

And just as Limbaugh aroused passionate opposition on the left, so has Kos become the object of conservative rage. In the lead-up to Moulitsas’s Chicago gathering, Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly, a right-wing showman who knows a threat when he sees one, has gone after Kos. “There’s no question that the most vile stuff imaginable is posted on this hate site and others like it,” O’Reilly said Tuesday.

O’Reilly is irate that the leading Democratic presidential candidates are showing up this weekend. “The far left wants a quasi-socialistic economy and a one-world foreign policy, where national security decisions are made only with the approval of other countries,” O’Reilly fumed. “So that’s the soup the Democratic presidential candidates will be dining on when they show up at the Kos convention.”

I’m not in the habit of giving advice to Bill O’Reilly, but there’s always a first time: Liberal rage at Rush Limbaugh not only was useless, but it actually strengthened his credibility with the right. (I speak from experience.) Bill, I bet Markos loves what you’re doing.

Personally, I dislike the use of obscenity on the Web, and many online posts are way too nasty. But the right wing, suddenly so concerned with the niceties of political discourse, did not worry much about what its militants said about Clinton, Al Gore or John Kerry. Limbaugh even blamed the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, on a president who had been out of office for eight months. I’m still waiting for his apology.

I have my own documented history of problems with Zuniga and Daily Kos, many are personal and the others are because I detest electoral politics, censorship sucking up to candidates to curry favoritism at the expense of ideology or a unifying mission to take back this country from the war pigs, Social Darwinists and Rapture freaks who have taken it hostage but as the saying goes, nothing unites like a common enemy and I would encourage everybody to take some shots of their own at that loudmouthed prick O’Reilly as well as the rest of the Republican noise machine moonbats to take their raving, anti-American asses down a peg or three. It’s time for total war against the fifth columnist filth that has polluted the airwaves in this country for far too long with their Gestapo tactics and uncanny ability to rouse the rabble.

Dionne put it pretty well that Zuniga and his masses of adoring asses have actually “started to beat Limbaugh and O’Reilly at their own game” which should be good news for all enemies of the Bushreich whether they are down with DK or not. So be sure and drop by O’Reilly’s boards, or Clownhall or anyplace else where the angry armies of reich-wing mental masturbators congregate and feel free to be real trolls. The bastards are finally getting a taste of their own medicine and the pressure tactics on sponsors have been working. Home Depot reportedly will no longer be advertising during The O’Reilly Factor as a result of a deluge of protests, now is not the time for mercy or to hold back as the initial defenses have been breached and it’s time to storm the beaches. We sure as hell can’t count on the quisling Democrats to do anything other than cave in to his majesty Bush and the illegal wars for empire and against America undertaken by those who employ O’Reilly, Limbaugh and the rest of their ilk. The goose stepping morons of the reich wing noise machine are now scared shitless which is one thing that they have in common with the feckless Pelosi-Hoyer-Reid triad in this most worthless and pathetic of cowardly Congresses that will forever bear the scarlet letter of shame in American history for their quisling refusal to stand up to bullies with glass jaws.

American Bacchanal

The Super Bowl has come to be the perfect representation of America in all of its grossest excesses and bombastic pageantry. An annual epic display of wretched overindulgence, debauchery, drunkenness, gluttony, glitz, idolatry and greed and an overkill of hype in the true American tradition and electronically exported to the rest of the civilized and uncivilized world alike through the miracles of modern technology. Despite the continuing assault on the mythical American Dream by the establishment the citizens of the republic/empire will continue to be distracted by the same Bread and Circuses (p nem et circ ns s) that our precursors in Rome eagerly and ignorantly succumbed to as their own society was laid to waste right in front of their blind and apathetic eyes that had become fixated on cheap diversions for their daily lives. To the victors go the spoils and the victors are the networks, advertisers and league who all reap marketing bonanzas off of the unofficial national holiday. The winning team has to settle for bragging rights and a silver plated phallic object known as the Vince Lombardi Trophy.

The game and its all out accompanying hype have since the early days become a showcase for consumerism and raw capitalist hubris. The game is no longer accessible to the average fan other than on televisions that incidentally have their heaviest sales in the weeks leading up to the festival. The game long ago became too expensive for the normal fan, luxury suites and parties are packed with slimy corporate Republican douchebags, power brokers, celebrities and the Jack Abramoffs of the world seeking to parlay free Super Bowl junkets into multi million dollar deals. Initially slow to catch on Corporate America didn’t always see the Super Bowl as the immense marketing and schmoozing bonanza that it had the potential to be, early games were neither heavily promoted nor watched by a large sector of the public, the game or two weren’t even formerly called Super Bowls but eventually the advent of technology allowed Wall Street to see the game for the golden plated cash cow that it really is and the political forces came to the same conclusion. The ultimate perversion was in the nascent FOX network’s acquisition of NFL television rights for NFC games, it was what made Rupert Murdoch’s fledgling propaganda mill into a legitimate force.

The fiercely protective NFL uses an iron fist in the licensing and strict enforcement of use of name in local advertising, the National Football League enforces it’s trademarks more mercilessly than members of the Tony Soprano mob and on any given Sunday local law enforcement officials throughout the country are sent on missions to flea markets to confiscate and destroy all unlicensed league and team merchandise. There should be an organized boycott of all NFL team apparel, why should anyone pay top dollar for an official jersey that may or may not have been made by foreign sweatshop labor. In caving in to celebrity idolatry and wearing this crap people are not only pumping cash into the bloated NFL beast but also offering free advertising the equivalent of walking around with a sandwich board. Would anyone pay sixty bucks and up for a shirt that advertises Subway, Burger King, Wal Mart, Haliburton, Exxon-Mobil or any other corporation?

Corporate hacks and advertisers aren’t the only grifters who use the Super Bowl as a forum for scamming and commercialism, merchandising tie ins, travel schemes, ticket scalping and any other myriad of scams both legal and illegal are typically at their highest levels in the run up to the big game. TV sales are their highest levels as Americans scramble for that perfect new electronic false deity to place on the living room altar just in time for kickoff. In the weeks preceding the game retailers normally see record alcohol sales, especially in beer, a beverage hawked throughout the game by the big three (Budweiser, Coors and Miller) with commercials often featuring much sexual innuendo. Gambling degenerates have their biggest day of the year and bets are placed on everyting from the winning team to the point spread to which player scores first or even wins the coin flip. What you don’t hear about unfortunately is that due to the increased amount of alcohol consumed nationally on Super Sunday there are also spikes in episodes of domestic violence (womens shelters are swamped), alcohol related arrests and alcohol related vehicular accidents. The biggest winners are the networks who can have their cake and eat it too due to their ability to run commercials plugging their upcoming lineup of exploitative trash television. CBS launched it’s megahit Survivor series and FOX pimped it’s hit ‘24’ action show that is really a clever vehicle for propaganda and indoctrination regarding terrorism, fear and torture state advocacy. Ruppert Murdoch’s ode to the Bush-Cheney junta’s dramatic vision of totalitarian society now in it’s fifth season of fueling the undercurrent of fear running through America like a poisoned river. Will this be the year when advertisers seek to tap into the pure American mainline crack cocaine high of evangelical ‘Christianity’ and the millions of potential customers? Will this year’s soft drink commercials feature Jesus and Moses instead of the standard celebrities and computer generated animated figures? Stay tuned. Once all barriers fall nothing will really be able to remain sacred anymore.

As America progresses along on it’s incremental metamorphosis into an ultra religious, fascist, police state one can only wait until the first Super Bowl is held in New York City in a brand spanking new stadium that will be built with taxpayer money with the promise of hosting the ultimate game dangled like a carrot in front of a donkey. There will be the inevitable 9/11 tie ins including a state of the art reenactment of the devastation of the twin towers during a halftime show that will feature ‘patriotic’ music by country western stars Toby Keith and Lee Greenwood among others. There will be military marching bands, honor guards, flyovers, gospel choirs and the new mass reality television sensation of summary executions of several prominent liberals and other enemies of the state. It will be our very own Nuremburg rally, God Bless America, Free Market Capitalism, the military industrial complex and most of all The Super Bowl itself! It will be pure viscral pomp and cirumstance on a grand scale that not even Leni Reifenstahl herself could have envisioned in her wildest dreams.

But I Digress….

This year’s host city is Detroit the former ‘Motor City’ prior to the collapse of the American automobile industry is not the typical site, only the third Super Bowl to be held in a cold weather city since the game’s inception and an obvious carrot to the owners of the woebegone Detroit Lions for their construction of the new Ford Field where the game will be played. Detroit incidentally is the only U.S. city to hold the dubious distinction of honoring former Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein, even presenting him with the key to the city but this was a long time ago in a different country before he crossed the Bush family which in turn has double crossed the nation. Motown is a bitterly cold Midwestern hell in early February but in terms of entertainment value will represent an improvement over last year’s host. The 2005 circus maximus was held in Jacksonville, FL, the capital of strip mall evangelical churches and a city with a notorious shortage of usable quality hotel space other than the ubiquitous Motel Sixes, Motel Eights and truckstops that flank local highways. The NFL and local chamber of commerce had to arrange for numerous cruise ships to be brought in for the week in order to accommodate the high rollers. The gripe factor couldn’t have been higher for those looking for a good time unless the game were held in Mobile, Birmingham, Nashville or some other NASCAR fixated hick mecca where the only thing outnumbering meth labs are fundamentalist churches.

This year’s matchup is between the sixth seeded AFC Champion Pittsburgh Steelers and the NFC Champion Seattle Seahawks and only God himself knows what the fucking commericals will be but rest assured they will all be ranked come Monday morning and I will dutifully be weighing in with my opinion.

The Steelers, 15-1 last year only to go down in flames in the AFC title game are bearing the media mantle of ‘destiny’s darlings’, don’t believe it. This team is good and had they not lost QB Ben Roethlisberger to an injury for several games would have finished better than 11 and 5 on the regular season and potentially hosted the AFC title game, which may not have been the best situation given coach Bill Cowher’s 1-5 record in home championship contests. It took a convenient crippling of Cincinnati QB Carson Palmer, an amazing overcoming of a stacked deck and the NFL’s determination to see Indianapolis, Peyton Manning and Tony Dungy in the Super Bowl and then the fulfillment of the old adage that ‘you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear’ in Denver where four Jake Plummer turnovers stamped the Steelers’ ticked to Detroit where they can finally ‘win one for the thumb’ and send future Hall of Famer Jerome ‘The Bus’ Bettis out in style with the Vince Lombardi Trophy in his first Super Bowl appearance. Despite the diffuculty of their journey Pittsburgh definitely belongs.

Seattle stamped their ticket to Motown by thankfully routing the perennially overrated Carolina Panthers, I just don’t know how much more hype comparing mediocre journeyman QB Jake Delhomme to three time SB winner Tom Brady that I could have stomached and fortunately due to the Seahawk ass whipping I don’t have to. As far as my official prediction goes I am picking the Steelers to win fairly easily, let’s say by a score of about 37-16 or something along those lines. Although Seattle’s run was very impressive the majority of their wins were against teams in the weak sister NFC and they did play in the worst division of that conference and easily rolled up six wins against chumps the likes of the Cardinals, 49ers and Rams (they are the NFC version of the Indianapolis Colts who also were beneficiaries of being in a bad division) and could very easily have been upset by the Redskins in their first playoff game. I am going with Pittsburgh for the following three reasons and none of them included the hackneyed and overused by the lazy fucks in the MSM ‘Team of Destiny’ or ‘The Bettis Bowl’…they simply are the better team because:

1: They are battle tested, hardened and on a mission. They will not be just happy to be in the game which is a danger to the perennially underachieving Seahawks.

2: Don’t forget that this team was 15-1 last season and has basically the same players less the underachieving Plaxico Burress, the chronically injured Duce Staley but has another year of experience under the belt for QB Ben Roethlisberger whose inevitable collision with the rookie wall just happened to coincide with last year’s ugly home championship game loss to the Patriots.

3: The Steelers are the more physical team and will be doling out punishment on every play, a franchise tradition since the days of the formidable ‘Steel Curtain’ Defense.

Does Seattle have a chance? Sure, they have won 15 games to this point, have the NFL’s leading rusher and are very well coached by Mike Holmgren who stands to benefit from the very opposite of the major factor that ultimately did his Green Bay Packers in back in 1997 when they lost to John Elway’s Broncos 31-24. The media is constantly stroking the Steelers and pretty much downplaying Seattle’s chances….a trap that bit the fat man in the ass once before and believe me, he is aware of this and will use every motivational tool in his arsenal to his team’s advantage. I would love to see a great see-saw, cliffhanger of a game as much as the NFL and the advertisers but alas the Seahawks are a soft team and this is the worst possible match-up that they could have been saddled with in Detroit.

The Steelers roll and finally get the long elusive ‘one for the thumb’.


I: Prior to all of the mega-hype and the television explosion facilitated by Pete Rozelle’s network deals and the phenomenon of Monday Night Football this was just an ugly game between the champions of two underexposed leagues, the established NFL and the rebel AFL. Vince Lombardi’s reigning NFL kings the Green Bay Packers thumped the AFL champion Kansas City Chiefs 35-10 in a win that was so easy that backup cheesehead receiver Max McGee was able to shrug off a pregame night of intense drinking and a commode hugging hangover to catch 7 Bart Starr passes for 137 yards and two TD’s against a woeful Chiefs defense that again sucks to high heaven forty years later. This one was so low profile that it wasn’t even named Super Bowl.

II: The Green Bay Packers’ 33-14 rout of the Oakland Raiders was anti-climactic after the cheesehead win over the Dallas Cowboys for the NFL title in frozen Lambeau Field in the now classic Ice Bowl game. A sign of the times and lack of popularity of the game was that the Grambling State University played both the national anthem and half time shows in the days before the game became an American cultural icon. This year’s half time performers, The Rolling Stones released Beggar’s Banquet in 1968.

III: The game that grabbed the establishment by the balls and gave them a good, hard squeezing as the AFL champion New York Jets led by ‘Broadway Joe’ Namath stunned the heavily favored Baltimore Colts 16-7 in Miami. The brash Namath would use his ‘guarantee’ of a Jet win and then backing it up as a springboard to both fame and fortune and eventual infamy when he drunkenly slobbered over Suzy Colber on national television three and a half decades later. A symbol of the sixties counterculture Namath grew his hair long, drank heavily, fornicated with relentless abandon backed it up on the field and put a huge bug up the asses of the regressive morons who would eventually register as Republicans and lead the venomous culture wars of today.

IV: The AFL makes it two in a row as the Kansas City Chiefs thump the hapless Minnesota Vikings who will soon become purple perennial Super Bowl losers and the punchline of jokes 23-7 in a game as ugly as they get. This was the last game before the merger of the two leagues.

V: This year’s edition was a poorly played, low scoring debacle in which the Baltimore Colts Jim O’Brien kicked the winning field goal with the clock winding down and lift his team to a 16-13 victory despite 7 turnovers, the opposing Dallas Cowboys had 4 of their own in the game now known as the ‘Blooper Bowl’

VI: God’s original coach Tom Landry and the Dallas Cowboys crushed the Miami Dolphins 24-3 in Tulane Stadium and shed the derisive tag of ‘next year’s champions’ who never could win the big one. In a bit of trivia future Chicago raving lunatic coach and Super Bowl XX winner Mike Ditka closed out the scoring for the Cowboys with a 7 yard td catch.

VII: The AFC Champion Miami Dolphins survive a matchup with George Allen’s over the hill gang Redskins 14-7 despite a hideous botched field goal by kicker Garo Yepremian who then scooped up the ball and launched an errant Dilferesque pass that was picked off and returned for a ‘skins touchdown. The fish held on to finish 17-0, the only perfect season in NFL history and the old men are still popping the corks of their champagne bottles as the last unbeaten team goes down with each passing season. Tony Dungy’s Colts made them sweat a bit but the mutinous loser Peyton Manning would have choked it away in the playoffs anyway.

VIII: The Miami Dolphins make it two wins in a row by mashing the Minnesota Vikings into the turf of Houston’s Rice Stadium behind the blitzkrieg attack of Larry Csonka who would roll up 145 yards on the way to a 24-7 victory, a textbook demonstration of smashmouth ball that was so efficient that Dolphin quarterback only had to throw the ball seven times, completing six but when you are facing a rushing defense as reminiscent of swiss cheese as that of the Vikes he could have probably have gotten away with taking the afternoon off.

IX: The Vikes make it two in a row and three overall by losing to the Pittsburgh Steelers 16-6 in the first of four wins for the nascent dynasty. Minnesota’s downfall (other than getting off of the plane in the first place) was in not learning a lesson from the previous year’s loss and shoring up their run defense which allowed Steeler RB Franco Harris to rumble for 158 yards. Purple People Eaters? More like Purple Pussies, Barney could have started at defensive tackle and been an improvement as a run stuffer.

X: The Steelers make it two in a row by riding a great performance by WR Lynn Swann (4 catches for 161 yards and a td) who was listed for doubtful after suffering a concussion in the AFC championship game and beat the Dallas Cowboys 21-17 in Miami’s Orange Bowl. In trivia notes, the group Up With People performed at halftime and game film was eventually used in the movie Black Sunday.

XI: The Vikings go a perfect 4 for 4 as Super Bowl losers as they go down meekly to future uber television analyst John Madden’s Oakland Raiders 32-14 this time getting trampled for 266 rushing yards by the Raiders’ two-pronged attack of Clarence Davis and Mark Van Eeghen and the passing duo of Kenny ‘the snake’ Stabler and Fred Biletnkoff. The game was the first to be played in Pasadena’s Rose Bowl and the halftime entertainment/advertisement was a performance of Disney’s ‘It’s A Small World’.

XII: The clock strikes twelve for the Cinderella Denver Broncos and the ‘Orange Crush’ defense whose 12-2 run captivated the Mile High City as they are destroyed by the Dallas Cowboys 27-10 in the first Super Bowl to be held in New Orleans’ new Superdome. Led by former Cowboy quarterback Craig Morton who completed as many passes to his former teammates as the guys in orange (4) the Broncos turned the ball over eight times to the ‘Doomsday Defense’ and the Cowboys held the ball for over 38 minutes in this ugly rout that was mainly notable for the Broncos’ first step in their quest to catch up to the Vikings in the futility hall of fame.

XIII: In Miami Pittsburgh goes 3 for 3 in a rematch with the defending NFL champion Cowboys in a wild offensive show. The Steelers were led by QB Terry Bradshaw’s 318 passing yards and four touchdowns, the Cowboys were equally impressive in racking up 31 points but falling short in a 35-31 loss that was as entertaining as it was wild. The Cowboys were the first team to wear their road jerseys despite being designated as the ‘home’ team although it didn’t cause a collective media orgasm like this year’s game where the Steelers rocked the sports world by doing likewise. The halftime show was an infomercial sponsored by Carnival Cruiselines. The Cowboy’s smack talking LB Thomas ‘Hollywood’ Henderson created controversy when he held court on media day to boldly proclaim that Bradshaw was so dumb that he couldn’t spell cat if you spotted him the letters C and A and we know how that one turned out with Bradshaw winning the MVP award for his performance. Henderson would eventually have the last laugh despite a bout with drugs as he would go on to hit the $ 28 million jackpot in the Texas Lottery while Bradshaw would have to be content with being a clown on the FOX NFL pregame show for a living after football.

XIV: The Steelers make it a perfect 4-0 record in Super Bowls as QB Terry Bradshaw is able to overcome three interceptions in order to lead a comeback victory over the upstart Los Angeles Rams 34-19 in Pasadena much to the delight of Terrible Towel waving members of their road contingent and the chagrin of the hometown crowd.

XV: The Oakland Raiders win their second Super Bowl by riding a 3 touchdown day by MVP quarterback Jim Plunkett to an easy 27-10 triumph over Dick Vermeil’s Philadelphia Eagles in New Orleans. The Raiders’ Rod Martin intercepted three of future ESPN analyst Ron Jaworski’s errant passes and Vermeil turned on the waterworks on his way to his coming retirement to the broadcast booth. The Raiders were the bad boys of lore as John ‘The Tooz’ Matuszak tore up Bourbon Street on his way to tearing up the Iggles. This was the first game of the Reagan era and therefore the demarcation point of American society, the stirring pre game tribute to the Iranian hostages who were released from captivity as the Gipper was sworn in (allegedly the result of dirty double dealing by George H.W. Bush in cutting a deal to prevent an October Surprise to boost Jimmy Carter’s popularity prior to the election) and the patriotic horseshit overkill that is so much a part of everyday society became an integral part of the zeitgeist.

XVI: The first game to be held in a cold weather city as the San Francisco 49ers face the Cincinnati Bengals in matchup of two teams coming off of huge turnarounds, the ‘niners were 3-13 and the Bengals 6-10 the previous year. The Pontiac Silverdome in Detroit was the site of the establishment of Super Bowl legend Joe Montana who led his team to a 26-21 victory and the first of his eventual four rings.

XVII: Washington’s John Riggins ran roughshod over the Miami Dolphins with a 166 yard, 2 td MVP performance for the Redskin’s first Super Bowl win. The Skins would score 14 points in the fourth quarter on the way to a 27-17 win that put the cap on a season tainted by a 57 day player strike that wiped out seven games. This game could also be remembered for all of the gut churning nausea induced by host network ABC’s continual hyping of their lousy paramitilary action series the A-Team during nearly every commercial break. “I pity the fool” would become a household phrase during the show’s ensuing five year run. A big fan was first lady Nancy Reagan whose thrill of the decade was sitting on the burly star Mr. T’s lap.

XVIII: In the first Super Bowl to be held in Tampa’s ‘Big Sombrero’ the Los Angeles Raiders thoroughly embarrassed the NFC Champion Washington Redskins 38-9 behind a swarming defense led by Howie Long, Lyle Alzado, Ted Hendricks and Matt Millen that harassed quarterback Joe Theesman all day, sacking him six times and subjecting him to a pounding that had him dancing on happy feet all afternoon long. The Raidahs scored both on both a blocked punt and an interception return in the first half and then jumped on the back of running back Marcus Allen whose 191 yard, two touchdown day earned him the MVP. The most entertaining moment of the day however was Ridley Scott’s (Alien, Blade Runner) great ‘Big Brother’ commercial for Apple McIntosh that is renowned as one of the best if not the best advertisement ever for it’s great production values.

XIX: If you ever want a testimonial on the fleeting nature of fame and the rarity for a chance at an NFL championship just ask former Miami Dolphin Hall of Fame quarterback Dan Marino, a man who would become the most prolific passer in NFL history but came up a loser in his only Super Bowl appearance. Marino’s second season was perhaps the greatest in NFL history with 48 passing touchdowns (a record that stood until it was broken by another prolific loser Peyton Manning’s 49 in 2004) and 5,084 yards but it ended in an ugly 38-16 defeat to Joe Montana’s San Francisco 49ers in Palo Alto, CA. In a classic display of the now commonplace and utterly shameless political stagecraft that perpetuates the cult of the almighty leader, President Ronald Reagan himself participated in the coin toss via satellite from the White House.

XX: Chicago Bears’ punk quarterback Jim McMahon moons a helicopter and allegedly calls all New Orleans women “sluts” and all local men “ignorant”, the ‘Super Bowl Shuffle’ became a pop culture phenomenon and the Mike Ditka led Bears demolish the New England Patriots 46-10 in a lopsided game where the legendary Walter Payton is deprived of the opportunity to score a touchdown by marketing sensation William ‘The Refrigerator’ Perry, the mammoth 335 pound Chicago defensive tackle who would sign and endorsement with McDonalds, ironic given that today the 800 pound gorilla of the fast food industry is trying to combat the image that their food is the unhealthy crap that it truly is by featuring a new salad line in response to sagging sales and the great movie Supersize Me . Payton would be offended by the callous actions of Ditka until his dying day although he had too much class to acknowledge it publicly for the indignity that it truly was…then again why expect anything other than boorish behavior from Ditka?

XXI: The ballast laden legend of the greatness of Bill ‘The Big Tuna’ Parcells began with this 39-20 trouncing of the Denver Broncos and John Elway in Pasadena. Future CBS announcer and Giants quarterback shredded the Denver defense for an NFL postseason completion record of 88 % completing 22 of 25 darts for 3 touchdowns. This game would begin an ugly stretch of bridesmaid status and undeserved national ridicule for Dan Reeves’ Broncos.

XXII: The Broncos make it two ugly losses in a row, topping the prior year’s debacle by blowing an early 10-0 lead to ‘God’s Coach’ and the Washington Redskins who rode the arm of perennial underachiever Doug Williams and previously unknown RB Timmy Smith to a whopping 35 point second quarter and coasted to a 42-10 win, had Gibbs not called off the dogs the Skins may very well have been the first NFL team to score in the triple digits against the bumbling Broncs.

XXIII: The famous ‘John Candy’ game where 49er quarterback Joe Montana spotted the soon to be deceased fat slob actor in the stands and used the Orca sighting as a motivational ploy to calm his offense for the eventual comeback that would cement his legendary status as well as beat the Cincinnati Bengals and the Ickey Shuffle 20-16. Also of notoriety was the bad omen of Cincy head coach Sam ‘Wicky Wacky’ Wyche finding starting fullback Stanley Wilson on the floor of his hotel room john shaking, sweating and in the throes of a huge overdose of Bolivian marching powder after allegedly leaving a team meeting to find his playbook. Sure Stan, just tell it to Miami Vice. Also this year marked the premier of the fabled Bud Bowl I as a commercial.

XXIV: John Elway and Dan Reeves hit the trifecta for embarrassing big game losses when they ran into the buzzsaw of Joe Montana and Jerry Rice’s San Francisco 49er machine. Pity the poor Cleveland Browns who once again lost the AFC title game to their personal bogeyman Broncos only to sit at home sadly dipping Doritos in bean dip and crying into their beer over Denver’s failure to show up for kickoff. The 55-10 decimation still remains as the worst ass kicking in the history of a game that has had it’s fair share of them. This dog was over nearly immediately local N’awlins legend Aaron Neville finished singing the Star Spangled Banner. French Quarter bars were swarmed well before the Broncos were able to cut into a 41-3 lead and my fat ditto-head childhood friend Rocky broke down in drunken tears in the Super Dome parking lot after a sorry finale to a nightmare weekend that included being felt up in a Bourbon Street gay bar over watered down beer and a bowl of soupy red beans and rice.

XXV: The 25th anniversary edition of the Super Bowl in Tampa will be remembered not only for the blatant nationalist/patriotic militarism on display due to it falling in the middle of the Gulf War to kick Saddam Hussein’s ass out of Kuwait but for another display of kicking that will forever live in infamy in the hearts of Buffalo Bills fans on their way to their first of four straight big game losses. Poor Scott Norwood became the biggest sports goat since Bill Buckner when he missed a potential game winning 47 yard field goal allowing the Giants to eke out a 20-19 win in what was one of the most well played games in the history of the Biggest Kahuna of them all and further enhanced the legendary status of the Big Tuna Bill Parcells who was revered as if he were the second coming of Vince Lombardi until it became apparent that he has never won dick without Bill Belichik who has won three of his own titles without the annoying, fickle lard ass who was his previous boss.

XXVI: In the first Super Bowl to be played in frigid Minneapolis, MN Buffalo Bills running back Thurman Thomas lost his helmet, was subsequently held to 13 yards rushing and quarterback Jim Kelly chipped in with 4 interceptions as the K Gun offense misfired and Buffalo went down quickly and quietly to Jesus Gibbs, Mark Rypien and the Washington Redskins 37-24 in a game that only appeared close on the scoreboard due to two late Bill touchdowns in garbage time.

XXVII: The 1993 edition of the game was played in Pasadena, CA after being pulled from original host site Tempe because of Arizona’s racist stance against recognizing Martin Luther King Day that was eventually shot down by voters giving the Phoenix area a shot three years later. The return of the Dallas Cowboys to the Super Bowl after years of mediocrity was only the second biggest story of the day other than Whacko Jacko who performed his trademark crotch gyrations at halftime in what would be the waning days of his reign as the self proclaimed ‘king of pop’ and just prior to the continuing allegations of child molestation immersed the little freak in years of scandal. The game itself proved that the third time was definitely not the charm for the Buffalo Bills who were annihilated 52-17 as they self immolated under the weight of a record nine turnovers. The final score actually could have been worse had the showboating Leon Lett not been stripped of the ball as he was going into the end zone for a touchdown on a fumble return.

XXVIII: The Buffalo Bills tie the Denver Broncos and Minnesota Vikings as the most losing Super Bowl teams of all time all three being a collective 0 for 12 in the big game as the Dallas Cowboys take the rematch game of last year’s contest 30-13 and Buffalo actually led at halftime 13-6 before facing an Emmitt Smith onslaught as Jimmy Johnson’s Cowboys scored the last 24 points in Atlanta for their second straight title and with a young team could have set records were it not for their petulant owner Jerry Jones who chafed at not getting enough credit for the team’s success, it had to rankle him that Johnson wasn’t exactly fond of the entourage on the sidelines including at times Saudi Arabia’s Prince Bandar among other Jones cronies. Then a slight at a post game party led Jones to run Johnson out of town and in an insult to the impeccably coiffed little Napoleon Jones went so far as to bring in the hated Barry Switzer as a replacement, allegedly snippily referring to Jimmah as “the little cunt”. What could have been an NFL record run of Super Bowl wins ended in disaster, Dallas would go on to win one more Super Bowl two years later but oh what could have been had egos not interfered with business.

XXIX: Coming in the aftermaths of local race riots in host city Miami this butt ugly game was yet another of the ridiculously over hyped and under competitive routs in the history of the biggest game on the planet. The San Francisco 49ers and Steve Young together emerged from the shadow of Joe Montana to drop a 49-26 ass kicking on the upstart San Diego Chargers in a game that was effectively over at halftime. ABC had the broadcast rights and rolled out not only the tired and stale Hank Williams Jr. for an ‘Are You Ready for Some Football’ pre game show followed by the ‘singing’ of the national anthem by national sweetheart Kathie Lee Gifford prior to the double whammy of her clothing line’s exposure as the product of sweatshop labor and the even more embarrassing revelation that perfect hubby Frank of Monday Night Football fame was possessed of a cheatin’ heart when it was revealed that he was banging a TWA stewardess and the ensuing scandal led to an ugly public electronic confessional on the Barbara Walters show.

XXX: Tempe, AZ finally got it’s shot to host a Super Bowl after the failure to recognize MLK day cost them three years prior and it ended up being a hell of a lot better contest than most would have imagined. Megalomaniac Dallas Cowboy owner Jerry Jones’ big ‘Fuck You’ to former coach Jimmy Johnson by winning a title with Barry ‘Bootlegger’s Boy’ Switzer at the helm couldn’t have been accomplished without the assistance of the Cowboy’s most valuable player and it wasn’t Deion Sanders. Pittsburgh Steelers QB Neil O’Donnell who had been an accurate and fairly mistake free passer all season long imploded in extremely ugly fashion on the national stage throwing three of the worst interceptions in the history of Sun Devil Stadium and that includes the Jake Plummer years. O’Donnell single handedly not only gave the game to Dallas on a silver platter but also made a lifelong friend in mediocre Cowboy cornerback Larry Brown who was allowed to parlay his two picks into a lucrative free agent deal with perennial sucker Al Davis and the Raiders where he inevitably was exposed as the loser that he always was. The Steelers dominated everywhere on the scoreboard where they eventually came out on the wrong side of a 27-17 score thanks to O’Donnell’s lousy performance. The absence of the usual smack talk from the Dallas locker room in the aftermath speaks volumes.

XXXI: The Green Bay Packers returned to the big game after a three decade absence and were able to parlay a flurry of big plays as well as a huge special teams performance by MVP Desmond Howard whose 244 return yards including a 99 yard touchdown on a kickoff return to take the wind out of the Patriots’ sails after a Curtis Martin run had cut the Packer lead to six was the difference in this one. Local favorite Brett Favre made the most out of his triumphant return to N’Awlins a city within spittin’ distance of the family home in Kiln, MS and came away a 35-21 winner in his first Super Bowl appearance. Richard Jewell lookalike Mike Holmgren (the coach of this year’s NFC champ Seattle) bested the Big Tuna whose New England team couldn’t overcome their inept special teams play or four Drew Bledsoe interceptions in the fat man’s last appearance in the big game.

XXXII: John Elway and the Denver Broncos finally get the monkey off of their backs by winning their first Super Bowl over the much hyped Green Bay Packers in San Diego by a score of 31-24. The wild card Broncos were given absolutely no chance by the media and punditry given the line on the Packers as 11 ½ point favorites to continue the NFC’s 13 year run of dominance and were stroked all week long while the Broncos were virtually ignored. The game however was a different story as Denver played inspired ball from the get go and the Pack had no answer for their running game. This one had all of the signs of becoming a super rout early on with the Packer defense led by the incredible mountain of run stuffing fat and John Madden favorite Gilbert Brown being run over by Terrell Davis but a migraine headache sidelined TD for a quarter and allowed the cheeseheads to get back into the game. The resulting see saw battle made for one of the best and most entertaining games in years and didn’t end until a Brett Favre pass was broken up on fourth down in Bronco territory with under a minute left. John Elway would finally have his title and shed the tag of not being able to win the big one. The funniest line of the day goes to NBC’s Dick Enberg who observed late in the fourth quarter after the MVP Davis had run for his 3rd touchdown and was on his way to a 157 yard day “Gilbert Brown is down again….and he’s not getting up”.

XXXIII: Big time ‘Family values’ guy and Atlanta Falcon defensive leader Eugene Robinson celebrates his earlier receipt of the ‘Bart Starr Award’ for high moral character by ditching his wife and kids for a serious trolling expedition through Miami’s sleazier parts in search of a blowjob and was arrested by local vice cops (no word ever came out on whether he propositioned Crockett or Tubbs) in an embarrassing incident that stunned teammates and set off a paparazzi frenzy. The distracted Falcon cornerback played the game in a cloud of shame that was evident when he was burned on an 80 yard touchdown toss from Bronco QB John Elway to Rod Smith that in another embarrassing moment was nearly missed by the FOX network’s inexplicable blunder in switching from a commercial timeout back to the game. In his last game Elway is the MVP as he wins his second consecutive title and perhaps even better humiliates former Coach Dan Reeves in a 34-19 payback for ruining the early years of his career what a way to go out in style.

XXXIV: The triumph of both long suffering Dick Vermeil and Georgia Frontiere as well as the canonization of Kurt Warner, the born again Christian grocery clerk turned NFL MVP with the winning St. Louis Rams. The media predictably swarmed around Warner in a feeding frenzy and went into overkill mode with the multitude of maudlin human insterest stories over his football salvation. The network television crew featured shots of his homely, butch looking wife throughout the game who was dressed in an ugly blue synthetic fur boa that appeared to have been scrounged out of a dumpster behind and East St. Louis Salvation Army thrift store. The powers that be jobbed the Tampa Bay Buccaneers by overruling an obvious Bert Emanuel catch in the waning moments of what could have been a stunning upset of the media darling Rams and given the league a nightmare matchup of two of the league’s best defenses in what would be a cure for insomniacs everywhered. This one was actually a pretty exciting game that went town to the last play and a huge stop of Tennessee Titan’s WR Kevin Dyson at the one to give the Rams a 23-16 victory and allow the emotionally unstable Vermeil to break down in tears during the post game celebrations. Also Baltimore Ravens all pro linebacker Ray Lewis is involved in an ugly murder outside an Atlanta nightclub at a postgame party.

XXXV: Mainly notable for the triumphant return of the maligned Trent Dilfer to Tampa as the winning Super Bowl quarterback for the Baltimore Ravens. This was to have been the local Bucs home title game and the Glazer family fought the NFL long and hard to keep the pirate ship replica in place in the end zone rather than to remove it and use the area for extra seats. Tampa Bay finished as a 10-6 wild card team due to head coach Tony Dungy’s decision to make a political statement in starting the rancid Shaun ‘Burger’ King at QB which would eventually cost the Bucs dearly in the playoffs. In the SB the Ravens defense made mincemeat of the woeful N.Y. Giants in one of the worst games in the long and sordid history of non-competitive showings. Alleged murderer Ray Lewis won the MVP award but not a trip to Disney World out of fear that he may have shanked Donald Duck or Goofy. The final score of 34-7 is in no way indicative of just how bad a game that this one was.

XXXVI: The first post 9-11 New World Order Super Bowl saw a classic upset of an overrated and over-hyped media darling team as well as the rise of a new dynasty when the huge underdog New England Patriots stunned the heavily favored ‘Greatest Show on Turf’ of Mike Martz and Jesus Warner 20-17. Pats coach Bill Belichik began his ascent up the mountain and into the pantheon of coaching legends by simply coaching good ball, allowing the megalomaniac Ram coach Mike Martz to self destruct by arrogantly neglecting to use his greatest weapon by feeding the ball to running back Marshall Faulk in favor of instead placing the game in the hands of former grocery clerk Kurt Warner who threw the rock like he was back in Iowa chucking cans of creamed corn. A buzzer beating Adam Vinatieri field goal won it for New England in one of the best games ever. The most memorable moment of the day would however belong to rock superstars U2 whose outstanding halftime performance included a sincere and stirring tribute to the victims of the WTC and Pentagon attacks to a rousing rendition of the classic ‘Where The Streets Have No Name’ in the days prior to when Karl Rove and his slimy rat fuck goons exploited the tragedy at every opportunity for political gain.

XXVII: The long suffering former NFL joke Tampa Bay Buccaneers resoundingly thumped Al Davis and the Oakland Raiders 48-21 in a game not nearly as close as the score indicated. New Buc coach Jon Gruden couldn’t have embarrassed ‘The Godfather’ any more had he buttfucked his former boss at midfield during the halftime show. Manic depressive Oakland Center Barrett Robbins won the ‘Eugene Robinson Award’ as he was the distraction of the year after wandering off on a drunken Tijuana rampage. Knocking back straight shots of raw tequila and taking in the legendary donkey show somehow don’t equate to a positive pre game preparation and the manic depressive Robbins was sidelined for what would be the biggest game of his life, not that it mattered to the Raidahs. The best moment of all was that the national anthem was performed by the Dixie Chicks who would soon become the scapegoat for right wing scum throughout the land as the attack on Iraq commenced and the lead singer of this lousy pop country trio dared to say in front of a foreign audience “Just so you know, we’re ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas.” Of course this was met by outrage in der homeland as well as many right wing radio sponsored cd burnings…hmmm. The only worse turnaround from nationally revered celebrity to nationally reviled infamy would have been if the Manson Family Singers sang God Bless America prior to Super Bowl III in Miami eight months prior to their notorious bloody murder spree.

XXXVIII: The infamous Janet Jackson pierced nipple incident juices TIVO sales and sends the morality police into apoplectic rants against the decline of secular society, the fleeting millisecond second glimpse of a tittie was far more outrageous to the national morality police than the general repugnant nature of the tasteless commercials featuring farting horses and ubiquitious potty jokes. Is this a great country or what? The Patriots reclaim their championship mantle by using another last second field goal by iceman Adam Vinatieri to beat the upstart Carolina Panthers 32-29 in one of the most entertaining games in the series history. There were 37 points scored in a wild fourth quarter and both quarterbacks Tom Brady and Jake Delhomme had huge passing days with 300 yard, 3 touchdown games.

XXXIX: The return from injury of WR Terrell Owens was this game’s biggest story and the Philadelphia Eagles finally in the Super Bowl after three straight NFC title game losses actually played well enough to have a chance before QB Donovan McNabb started blowing chow through his faceguard late in the fourth quarter and head coach Andy Reid’s poor clock management led to a 24-21 loss and the third title in four years for the New England Patriots. Super Bowl records were set for complaints about the host city: Jacksonville, FL the strip mall church capital of America and cruise ships had to be brought in for the high rollers due to the city’s lack of hotel rooms that weren’t part of the Motel 6 franchise.