Monthly Archives: August 2011

Rick Perry: There’s A New Neocon Sheriff In Town


“If everything isn’t black and white, I say, “Why the hell not?”

-John Wayne

Ever since dude ranch desperado George Felix Allen’s presidential ambitions were blown up back when he was caught on video taunting a dark skinned man with a racial slur the fascist Republican party has been missing that cowboy archetype that played so well to the masses of asses. The whole allure of the hallowed Ronald Reagan and later George W. Bush was to roll out the ass kicker in chief riding upon a trusty steed, Stetson cocked back and ready to enforce the rule of the west on opponents that evoked celluloid heroes such as John Wayne and Clint Eastwood. It worked too. George W. Bush, a man who was allegedly terrified of horses was somehow packaged into a real live Murkan cowboy. This despite his much touted Crawford, TX ranch being nothing more than a stage set which was rolled out in 2000 just prior to the election and conveniently put up for sale in late 2008 when Bush decided that a tony suburb of Dallas would be his future home. The western myth runs deep in this lemming colony where the real truths of greed, exploitation, violence and the genocide of the indigenous population are ignored while the John Wayne style of revisionist history has come to be the accepted ‘truth’. The neocons, being disciples of Leo Strauss who embraced the big fib or the “noble lie” as a cover story for raw imperialism had experimented briefly with tough talking harpies like Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann (last seen performing simulated fellatio on a corndog the size of a horse’s penis in Iowa) pandering to fat, ignorant, racist white assholes but it just didn’t resonate like the western iconography. So with the ridiculous Tea Party re-branding  of the party base along with it’s costumed freaks experiencing a downward spiral in it’s national perception it was time to go back to the well. The new sheriff in town would be Texas Governor Rick Perry, a silly and shameless buffoon who appeals to the dregs of society and can serve as the perfect bridge between the flagging teabaggers and the traditional Christian fascists who are the party’s shock troops. Perry also gets a bonus for already being a killer, his Texas reign has racked up a record number of executions, a big plus to the haters.

Perry is the perfect successor to George W. Bush. He is of course from the Lone Star State which is chock a block full of religious fanatics and Meskin’ hatin’ teabaggers as well as the home to the big oil money that has so toxically polluted our politics. Even with the Republican 2012 presidential field full of loons, crazies, frauds and one token Negro pizza king there is no way that any of the assclowns will be able to beat a weakened and self-destructive Barack Obama. Mitt Romney and John Huntsman have zero chance because they are Mormons trying to nail down the nomination in a party that is comprised of Christian bigots and Ron Paul is invisible as far as the media is concerned for  his antiwar, pro-civil liberties principles. With Perry, they have a bonafide southern fried motherfucker who will have the party base swarming like a plague of maggots over a five day old bowl of menudo. That Perry has been quietly groomed by none other than arch-neocon Douglas J. Feith, he of the former Pentagon Office of Special Plans or the “Lie Factory” that provided the Bushreich with the false information justifying the attack and occupation of Iraq, a country that posed no threat to the United States. Doug Feith is one of the slimiest bastards of the neocon cabal that included Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Perle, propagandist William Kristol, Iran-Contra criminal Elliott Abrams, Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney and too many other vermin to waste any more time listing here who embraced the PNAC doctrine of global conquest that has mired this country in war for the rest of our lives. Feith, who along with many of the other dual citizens of the neocons is an ultra right-wing Zionist was instrumental in producing the notorious policy paper for Bibi Netanyahu entitled A Clean Break that would provide the ideological heft for the fascist transformation of Israel as it carved out lebensraum with the backing of the U.S establishment that continues to subsidize the butchery to this day.

With the Palin Project now on the rocks thanks largely to the idiosyncratic nature of the wild Alaskan dingbat that has turned her into a national punchline it was imperative that a new host be prepped for the parasites. With Netanyahu and the maniacal Avigdor Lieberman over in God’s chosen land itching to nuke Iran but opposed by the recalcitrant Obama administration a more pliant and receptive type who would eagerly follow orders from Givat Ram to launch WW III is needed. Perry is a natural and his appeal to the Rapture death cult that has so well served neocon and extreme right-wing Israeli war freaks is a huge asset. The neocon Whermacht that is the now fully jacked up on crazy tea served out of Kool Aid vats Christian cultural war machine will be mobilized and foaming a the mouth come the months leading up to next November. Hell hath no fury like a death-worshiping Christofascist who was recently burned by Harold Camping’s Rapture that failed to materialize and they are already in a masturbatory frenzy over the coming jihad against the infidel Obama. As I stated in my recent piece Norwegian Tea: Will Anti-Muslim Crusade Bring Blood to America For 2012? the GOP and their neocon backers and gearing up for an onslaught of hate unprecedented in American history. With Perry as their champion and operatives like Glenn Beck over in Israel honing his chops this week the beasts are ready to take to the streets here in Der Heimat on a blood scent and a scorched earth mandate.

Perry’s appeal to the crazy Christers provides the neocons with what they lacked since Bush left Washington, the new sheriff in town lookin’ to lead the posse and string up all those deemed to be their enemies for a public lynching. Despite the fact that he is just another useful idiot and fraud and is pegged as such by’s always spot-on Justin Raimondo as such in his recent piece entitled Rick Perry, ‘Hawk Internationalist’ from which I excerpt:

Just look at who’s been giving him foreign policy advice: according to Josh Rogin, over at, he’s been in meetings “sometimes for hours” with the likes of former Undersecretary of Defense for Policy Doug Feith, former NSC “strategy guru” William Luti, and a host of other neocons from the last administration, many of whom were instrumental in lying us into war in Iraq. Feith and Luti were the nexus of a disinformation network which fed false “intelligence” to the Congress, the White House, and the public to justify a disastrous invasion which we are still paying for in lives and treasure.
Oh, and what a surprise: it turns out the Perry-neocon lash-up was brokered by disgraced former Defense Secretary Donald “Known Unknowns” Rumsfeld.

Another clueless Texas Governor surrounded by the same Praetorian Guard of conniving neocons who led us down the road to imperial overstretch and fiscal ruin last time around – isn’t that just what the GOP needs right now?

Raimondo is despised by the neocons. For years he has refused to back down while casting light on the entire fetid nest of neocon cockroaches that are the Israeli extremist right-wing’s American fifth column. This is likely why is now the subject of an FBI investigation, the true targets of the phony war on terror as I have been saying for years have ALWAYS been American dissidents who oppose the warfare state.

As for Rick Perry, the all-American cowboy archetype has led to nothing but trouble, revisionism and an excuse to engage in mayhem in lands where brown people live. Neocon imperialism as exemplified in the infamous PNAC manifesto Rebuilding America’s Defenses is just reverse engineered John Wayne who once remarked that:

“I don’t feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.”

Just substitute “Indians” for Iraqis, Iranians or Afghans are as the right-wingers like to lump them all together A-rabs, mix in a holy Christian crusader narrative and you have the recipe for more ruinous and never-ending wars of murder and  resource theft. This is the American dogma that brought us our very own four horsemen of the apocalypse in George W. Bush, Ronald Reagan, John Wayne and the Marlboro Man and Perry is sharpening his spurs as the next gun for hire. John Wayne also once remarked “life is tough but its tougher when you’re stupid”.

Perhaps he had the teabaggers and their ilk in mind….

The Great Tebow Crusade: A Sports Metaphor for a Delusional Nation

Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable…. A man full of faith is simply one who has lost (or never had) the capacity for clear and realistic thought. He is not a mere ass: he is actually ill.

– H L Mencken

Tim Tebow as a successful starting NFL quarterback? Michele Bachmann as the next U.S. President? Jesus Christ! Of course both of these scenarios are a fantasy as well as a product of a form of non-reality based magical thinking that has come to define American society over the past three decades. There is a deeply entrenched national unwillingness to own up to systemic problems, grossly immoral wars of aggression, a miserably failed economic system that has been falsely pimped off as being a “free” market and the inability to take an honest look at the history of the American empire that hasn’t been revised, sanitized and strained through John Wayne’s dirty underwear have all contributed to our current plight. This is a land where despite massive poverty, joblessness, homelessness and rampant inflation where people actually believe that they too can become a millionaire. This is a land where in true Orwellian style war is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength and God is on our side. Americans for the most part still believe that they are free despite the growing police state that surrounds them, that their nation is prosperous rather than on the verge of bankruptcy and that all will be alright despite the evidence that things will never be “right” again.

The illusion is perpetuated by the “media hologram” as the late, great social critic Joe Bageant referred to the ever present electronic propagandizing that allows for the facade of the mythical and now forever lost American dream to be promoted. Old Joe pegged our national media as “a feast of bullshit and spectacle”, the Romans referred to a pre-technology version of the distractions that masked the decline of their mighty empire as “panem et circenses” or as it is more commonly known “bread and circuses”. The national infatuation with pure fantasy and triviality that serves to distract and to make one forget is exemplified not only by movies, video games and cheesy tabloid celebrity scandals but in the ongoing games that are played, gladiatorial epics for the modern age. In this country, no sport is revered as much as professional football and no sports league is as saturated with the underlying cultural indoctrination of warfare, capitalism and patriotic fervor as the NFL. Now, the already overpowering affirmation of the glorious, capitalist warfare state is about to get religion as well. The story of Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, a champion to radical American Cristendom and the coordinated push to transform a man child of mediocre talent into an orange clad savior, national celebrity and to likely serve as a springboard into national politics is a fascinating cultural study of an America gone horribly awry and steeped in a dangerous and terminal denial.

I must admit, I have a serious interest in the ongoing Tim Tebow melodrama for several reasons. First and foremost I fear the forces behind him and understand all too well the power of those who have been most accurately described by writer Chris Hedges as the “American Fascists”. I also have been deeply disgusted, dare I say ashamed of the ongoing infantilization and dumbing down of America over the last several decades, it has only become worse largely due to a corrupt, consolidated corporate media. I have come to despise the loathsome transformation of what was once the most powerful economy largely thanks to a robust and vibrant middle class into a sucking black hole of despair for the majority of the population due to the rise of the looter class and the new feudalism. Finally, I have always had a serious jones for professional football, not only the now fully corporatized NFL but for the Denver Broncos in particular. I grew up and lived a large chunk of my life in Denver where local team has long been a revered symbol of local if not regional pride. From my earliest days I have followed the Broncos. I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly, still bleed Bronco orange and have hated the goddamned Oakland Raiders since childhood. The great Tebow crusade that is ongoing gives me a chance to not only take a detour from my trademark political screeds into the sports world but also to point out that the entire ongoing drama is just a microcosm of all that is currently wrong with this society. The tale of the young wunderkind, a wholly manufactured celebrity right up there with the Kardashians and the masses of adoring fans who have anointed the youngster as the second coming of John Elway despite the inconvenient truth that Tebow couldn’t consistently hit a horse in the ass at ten yards with a tight spiral is the story of a delusional nation itself.

Tim Tebow is the latest version of the University of Florida quarterback (eg: Danny Wuerffel, Doug Johnson, Rex Grossman) who largely due to the spread offense run by the Gators has immense success in college but is poorly suited for the big time. Despite leading the UF to two national championships, largely because of his size and running ability Tebow was not deemed to be a top pro prospect, he was a “project”, better suited to play a position other than quarterback and was likely only a third rounder even to the most optimistic. His last meaningful game for the Gators was a butt ugly 32-13 mugging by the Alabama Crimson Tide in a game that wasn’t nearly as close as the score indicated. Tebow was crying as he left the field, the tracks his tears cutting swaths through his trademark biblical verses inscribed in eye black (the NCAA would ban such displays with the “Tebow Rule”), his dreams of NFL stardom potentially crushed. While playing in the Senior Bowl for the South team in an offense not tailored to him Tebow stunk the place out, the problems with his throwing mechanics were exposed, further damaging his pro prospects. But then the miracles began to be manufactured, thanks to a colossal public relations offensive Tebow would work diligently to change his throwing motion.

Enter the canny NFL traveler Jon Gruden who despite having never had the patience or wherewithal to develop young talent during his coaching gigs had somehow managed to get anointed as some sort of guru. Gruden stated with a strait face that Tebow could “revolutionize” the pro game and he himself would assist with polishing the turd pre-draft in order to ensure that Tebow would be drafted in the first round. Another former Tampa Bay Buc coach, the sainted Tony Dungy also spoke out on Tebow’s greatness, note that Dungy’s quarterbacking savvy was on display with Trent Dilfer and Shaun King, he inherited Peyton Manning when he was run out of Tampa after his team quit on him in the playoffs for the second year in a row. At least Dilfer eventually won a Super Bowl by riding the swarming Ravens defense, Gruden however has only journeyman Bruce Gradkowski to claim as his most successful pupil. Now with the woeful Bengals who are his fifth team, Gradkowski is still more known for his involvement in a federal gambling investigation from his college days at Toledo than for his actual on field achievements or more appropriately, the lack thereof. With the Christian right-wing propaganda machine and a big name like Gruden onboard Tebow’s NFL draft potential was in the full blown perception management stages. Despite naysayers like Dallas owner Jerry Jones who drew fire for stating that “he’d never get on the field” when commenting on whether the Cowboys would draft him and draft prognosticator Mel Kiper who projected him as an H-Back as well as another Eric Crouch a former Cornhuskers college star who couldn’t play quarterback in the NFL . So the table was set for the draft. All that Team Tebow needed was a sucker, and they found one in then Denver Broncos coach Josh McDaniels.

The Josh McDaniels era will forever live in infamy among Bronco loyalists. Two time Super Bowl winner Mike Shanahan whose legendary status had taken a big hit in the post-Elway years was sent packing after yet another disappointing season. Despite the availability of several better prospects owner Pat Bowlen picked the 33 year old Bill Belichick disciple right down to the game day hoodie. McDaniels immediately alienated incumbent starting quarterback Jay Cutler, himself a colossal asshole and the town wasn’t big enough for the two of them. The relationship became so strained that Cutler was shipped off to the Chicago Bears for a package of high draft picks and QB Kyle Orton. It was the first in a series of botched personnel decisions that would come to define the McDaniels reign of error. The Broncos had an immediate opportunity to hit it big in the draft by using the picks on quarterback Josh Freeman who is looking like a franchise player in Tampa and All Pro linebacker Clay Matthews but ended up with a running back with happy feet in Knowshon Moreno and linebacker Robert Ayers who was already looking like a bust by midseason. Not only did McDaniels waste those picks on schmucks but also traded away a future draft pick to move up in the second round and draft cornerback Alphonso Smith who was so bad that he was shipped off the next year to Detroit for scrub tight end Dan Gronkowski. That was a pretty piss poor acquisition for what would have been the 14th overall pick in the 2010 draft. It was a harbinger of what was to come under McDaniels.

Early on the Broncos were the surprise of the season in going 6-0 out of the gates. Orton was playing better than Cutler and Bowlen was looking like a genius. The high water mark of the McDaniels era was when the Broncos, dressed in their throwback mustard yellow uniforms with the infamous vertically striped socks bested Belichick’s New England Patriots 20-17 in overtime in the giant corporate cistern that is Invesco Field. Chock up a rare win in San Diego the next week and the Broncos went into their bye week with a full head of steam. Then the wheels came off. There were four straight losses, three of them to playoff teams but one to the heinous Redskins, one of the worst teams in the league. Orton couldn’t make a play to save his life and the defense blew up, by the time that the dust settled the season was over and the Broncos were 8-8. The worst indicator of just how much of an illusion that the 6-0 start had been though were two miserable home losses to hated divisional rivals to close out the season. In a 20-19 loss to the Raiders the Broncos gave up 241 rushing yards, 83 or so on 3 consecutive plays. They also did the impossible by making the lamentable failure that is Jamarcus Russell into a hero, the former top pick threw the winning touchdown in the waning seconds. Two weeks later in the season finale Denver was steamrollered by the Kansas City Chiefs, giving up 317 rushing yards, 259 of them to Jamal Charles in a humiliating 44-24 loss.

With a 2-8 death spiral largely being the result of a porous defense you would think that shoring up the D would have been a priority in the offseason. The Broncos finally were able to unload chronic malcontent receiver Brandon Marshall for more draft picks and despite the 2009 draft debacle were still standing well in terms of being able to reload. It would instead be the capstone that would come to define the McDaniels legacy, and it would hang over Denver like a brown cloud after his departure. But first, another notable McDaniels personnel move, he traded fan favorite running back Peyton Hillis who had rarely see the field in 2009 to Cleveland for the disappointing quarterback Brady Quinn, a former Notre Dame star whose NFL career has been a bust. Not only was Quinn buried on the depth chart but Hillis went on to be a star with the Browns, rolling to 1,177 yards, 11 touchdowns and landed on the cover of the mega-selling video game Madden 12. The 11 scores by Hillis were six more than Denver non-quarterbacks would tally all year.

In the 2010 draft McDaniels was wheeling and dealing, trading up and down like his mentor Belichik only that the average Madden player had more football sense. The Broncos despite their porous defense inexplicable spent their first five picks on offense before picking cornerback Perrish Cox, a sex offender. The first pick was spent on WR Demaryius Thomas who has yet to prove he can do anything but fumble and get injured. Then, with the 25th overall pick McDaniels grabbed Tebow away, despite the fact that several quarterback starved teams took a flyer on the Gainesville wonder. Also notable from the 2010 draft was an offensive lineman named Zane Beadles chosen 45th overall despite the fact that he wasn’t even listed in the fucking Sporting News draft guide. To the Christers it was mission accomplished, they had been successful in getting their Manchurian candidate into the first round, number 15 Bronco jerseys led the league in merchandise sales and there was jubilation in the virulent snakepit of hatred and homophobia Focus the Family headquarters that was about 2 hrs south of Denver via I-25. Radical cleric James Dobson’s organization had been behind the Tebow Super Bowl ad where he was trotted out to give a toned down anti-abortion, anti-women’s rights message during the big game. In Tebow they had planted the flag in order to in the words of Jon Gruden “revolutionize” the game by making it a showcase for their bastardized version of Christianity. Not that the NFL doesn’t encourage the promulgation of political memes (as long as they don’t come from guys like Rashard Mendenhall) in that damned near every contest – especially the big ones are a showcase for militarism and empire.

So the Jesus juice was flowing and the second season of Josh McDaniels was to begin with not only a putrid defense but a festering quarterback controversy. There would be no 6-0 start in 2010, the McDaniels death watch officially began with a for the ages 59-14 degradation at home against the Raiders that would all but knock the Broncos out of playoff contention by the time that trick or treaters began to make their rounds. By the time that their record reached 3-9, aided by an asinine “Spygate” style filming of the 49ers practices prior to a week loss loss in Wembley, England where McDaniels was nabbed imitating Belichik (who at least won when he cheated) Pat Bowlen pulled the plug on Little Napoleon. The interim coach, Eric Studesville handed the reigns to Tebow who delighted the zealots with his running ability in posting a win and a near win against stricken teams that had already given up the ghost. The larger motive in the Tebow promotion was likely the desire of Bowlen to sell seats in the final games, a 3-11 team with a pitiful defense that would give up a whopping NFL worst 471 points isn’t a very good draw. When Tebow ran for the winning TD against Houston on the day after Jesus’s fake birthday it was the high-water mark of his pro career. After another loss to the Chargers in which Tebow ran for 94 yards the season was mercifully over and the wreckage began to be sorted through.

Desperate for positive public relations Bowlen brought in John Elway to run the team’s football operations. The new leadership then brought in John Fox, a proven adult head coach and did the right thing in drafting for defense, landing top defensive prospect Von Miller with the first pick. The lockout though put the fate of the season in the balance and halted all player transactions. This allowed for the further fermentation of the Tebow meme as the media and the Christian subculture exalted that their champion would be running the team when the season finally got under way. The television networks nor the sponsors would feature Tebow prominently and as often as possible to juice ratings and bring in advertising dollars, their new Christ was ascending the mount. That was until reality set in. The lockout eventually ended, there being far too much money at stake for it not to and the teams reported to their respective training camps. Once in session it became very apparent to anyone but the Tebow cultists that their boy sucked, his heralded throwing motion change had yet to take hold and the lack of an off season conditioning program didn’t bode well for development. I mean you can only get so much work on the arm trolling the nation’s Wal-Marts and other gathering places for boobus Americanus to autograph copies of your best selling autobiography. According to those in the know, Tebow was throwing the ball in the stands, dirt and everywhere but where the playbook dictated. Then he did what many of his entitled generation did – he sulked. In a recent column by longtime Denver sportswriter Woody Paige Tebus whined that the starting quarterback job had been given to him but was “grabbed back away”. This of course was immediately amplified by the media and was decried by Tebow Nation as nothing short of heresy and they swarmed to his rescue. Even King James bestowed his blessing on Tebow; LeBron James that is, the perennially pouting overpaid, underachieving Prima Donna last seen quitting on his team a few months back in the NBA finals. As the saying goes, with friends like that…

And it has been on ever since. Chicago Sun-Times sports columnist Rick Morrissey has ensured that his email box will be filled with hateful diatribes from teabagging Tebow cultists by daring to publish the following piece of smoking blasphemy entitled Worship of Broncos’ Tim Tebow making for a dilemma in Denver from which I excerpt:

There are two competing groups when it comes to public opinion on Tim Tebow.

The first group thinks Tebow is God’s gift to humanity and that his NFL quarterbacking skills will catch up to his holiness if the Denver Broncos ever give him a chance.

The second group is creeped out by the first group.


But armed with the irrefutable evidence that somebody out there, or up there, believed Tebow was worthy of being a first-rounder, his supporters became emboldened. It’s why there’s a quarterback controversy in Denver right now for no good reason.

This is what happens when you reach to take a player who has a bigger reputation for piety than he does for touchdown passes. The pressure on John Elway, the Broncos’ new vice president of football operations, is significant. Tebow is much, much more than a football player. He’s a symbol for a large swath of people who see him as the best of what Christianity has to offer.

His autobiography, Through My Eyes, has been on the New York Times nonfiction bestseller list since it came out eight weeks ago. His jersey was the third-highest seller in the NFL last season, despite the fact he started only three games.

There is nothing wrong with any of that. The people have spoken, and they like Tim Tebow. A lot. But the people shouldn’t decide who gets to play quarterback.

Elway, much like President Obama moved into his new office to immediately find a bag of flaming dogshit parked on the doorstep by his predecessor. Obama only preceded to make the disaster worse by stomping up and down on the bag, spraying liquefied dogshit everywhere by not only failing to correct the damage done by the Bushreich but further cementing his policies, escalating his wars and exacerbating the damage to the economy by catering to the whims of right-wing scum. Whether Elway will choose the same path in caving in to vicious thugs and mouth breathing, bible pounding swine by trading the vastly superior Orton away in order to go all in with Tebow has yet to be seen. The pressure will be intense and the national media spotlight which always seeking out controversy to drive ratings will be pointing the way towards Dove Valley like the Star of Bethlehem. 

By far the greatest challenge of Elway’s football career will be in just how he handles the weapon of mass destruction parked in his locker room with the “Tebow Thing” In dealing with not only the national media parasites but also local hack columnists such as the Denver Post’s Mark Kiszla’s man crush on Tebow. I excerpt this vomit inducing portion of a recent column entitled DenverBroncos Must Let Tebow Be Tebow:


Tim Tebow is not a paint-by-numbers quarterback. So why do the Broncos seem bent on turning him into Brian Griese, your plain vanilla game manager and the football equivalent of a certified public accountant?

The extreme makeover of Tebow has revealed a clumsy robot in need of a system reboot. It’s pure folly to recast an improvisational player as a pocket passer.

Tebow needs to be Tebow.

After feeling the heat from criticism this summer, Tebow repeatedly expressed a desire Wednesday to “have fun.”

But where did the unpredictable fun in his game go? Whatever happened to the instinctive rambler who wore No. 15 for the Broncos? While it sometimes appears that Tebow’s technique has regressed since his rookie season, maybe the real problem is lost identity.

Basically this horses ass is proposing that the Broncos just do away with the offensive playbook and let Tebow play fucking sandlot ball. I understand that Christianity is a primitive and simple-minded form of thinking best suited for Neanderthals and other half-monkeys. The entire premise of letting Tebow freelance is ludicrous and dishonest, ever since a couple of guys named Flintstone and Rubble were chucking the rock around there has been a need for at least some sort of coherent offensive philosophy. Kiszla really bares his chops later in the column for comparing the orange clad 23 year old messiah with none other than Hall of Fame quarterback John Elway, something that got the pouty, overrated loser Jay Cutler vilified for. 

More from Kiszla:


Here’s the funny thing. When worry lines crease the face of Broncos executive John Elway as he wonders how long it might take Tebow to realize even an improvisational master must learn to win games from the pocket in the NFL, old No. 7 starts to look and sound a little like Dan Reeves.

Nobody who remembers houses in Denver painted orange can forget. Reeves gave Elway the fourth quarter to become an NFL legend of the comeback drive, but only after forcing the Stanford grad to operate at 5 mph under the speed limit for the majority of games during the 1980s.

The conservative approach by Reeves irked Elway. It contributed to the demise of a relationship between a frustrated superstar and his stubborn coach. Denver sided with Elway. Reeves departed.

Is it just me, or does the apprehensive sweat on the back of Elway’s neck as he contemplates handing Tebow the car keys smell like karma?

No, actually it smells like bullshit and Kiszla should know better than to toss Tebow’s salad like that. While Dan Reeves offensive philosophy stank and did much to adversely affect Elway’s career stats, allowing petulant, lesser talented losers like Dan Marino, Brett Favre and Peyton Manning to dominate the record books at least Reeves HAD an offensive philosophy. The problem with the Reeves era is that the personnel around Elway sucked. When you are counting on running backs named Sammy Winder, Gerald Wilhite, Gaston Green and Steve Sewell to execute a conservative ball control based attack you are going to have serious problems. Couple that with receivers the likes of Vance Johnson (the best by far in Elway’s early career), Mark Jackson, Ricky Nattiel and Clarence Kay, a porous offensive line and a consistently inconsistent defense  and you have the real reason why Elway had to deal with the weekly stress of having to perform like (to steal it from Tebow) Jesus Christ in performing fourth quarter miracles. John Elway only became a Super Bowl winner when the level of talent around him was vastly upgraded in the final years of his career. 

Elway has become famous in NFL lore for “The Drive” comeback against the cursed Marty Schottenheimer’s Cleveland Browns in the 1986 AFC Championship game. But it wasn’t his greatest comeback, that was on January 4, 1992 in the old Mile High Stadium against the Houston Oilers (now the Tennessee Titans) in the divisional playoffs.

It was colder than a witch’s tit that day and myself and my buddies Rockie and Big Johnson were well prepared. We had scored four tickets in the legendary south stands for the game earlier in the week. The Broncos were coming off of a surprising 12-4 season and the first playoff game was against the AFC Central champ Oilers. We were well prepped for the game, like a mini-version of the loaded trunk of Hunter S. Thompson’s Chevy convertible in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas we were well stocked with booze, herb and other intoxicants. Having been running on very little sleep and still hung over (and in Big Johnson’s case badly so) from the night before we were nipping at the hair of the dog as we rolled into the outer parking lots. We were smoking dope and nursing Big Gulp cups filled with red beer (having stopped off at King Soopers on the way to the game for tomato juice) to gradually ease into the other stuff. The lots around the stadium were already filled with tailgaters and the smell of roasting meat hung in the January air. We grabbed a spot and began to get into battle dress, being back in the days before America became a proto-fascist, greed fueled police state where the ever present phony threat of “terrorism” gave license to avaricious owners to subject fans to everything but a body cavity search on the way in lest they smuggle in their own beverages and cut down on $9 beer sales we could get away with practically anything. We all carried those seat cushions only they contained cans of beer instead of foam stuffing, flasks of Jack Daniels sippin’ whiskey to take the bite off of the cold later in the game as dusk would fall. We also had also backloaded our cigarette packs with a number of marijuana joints. That would be good enough to get us through the afternoon; the only way that we could run short would be if the game went into overtime. After the game we would go and eat some good Mexican food and hit the titty bars.

We got to our seats just before kickoff and settled in for the game and it didn’t start out well, the Oilers had taken the opening kickoff 70 yards in less than two minutes. A good amount of fans were still milling around trying to settle in and the Broncos were already down a score. The first Denver possession resulted in nothing other than a punt and the Oilers promptly drove for a second score. By early in the second quarter the loyal fans in Mile High were restive as Houston quarterback Warren Moon or “Warren Coon” as the shamelessly fucked up Rockie and Big Johnson were heckling him, much to the delight of many in our vicinity in the south stands quickly grabbed a 21-6 lead. Rocky and Big Johnson had recently discovered the Rush Limbaugh show and like many angry white male losers the siren song of the grand poobah of white cultural populism they were easily ensnared by the trolling net. Myself, being apolitical at the time really had no understanding that they were in the early stages of a disease that would come to define our country for the coming two nightmarish decades. A new form of country that would later be exemplified in the rise of Tim Tebow as a bizarre sort of Elway doppelganger to Broncos fans.

By the fourth quarter Denver had closed the gap to 24-23 thanks to a botched extra point by kicker David Treadwell. The Bronco defense, after a horrific start had held Houston to only a fourth quarter field goal in the second half. By the time the Broncos got the ball for the last time, they were pinned at their own two yard line by a Houston punt. Then it was Elway time, a mixture of skill, desperation and improvisational wizardry that was the real deal, not the sort of bullshit that Mark Kiszla writes in advocacy of Tim Tebow. John Elway converted two fourth downs on that drive, the first time escaping a near sack and running for the marker on fourth and six to get a new set of downs with 1:38 left. After three straight incomplete passes due to a heavy pass rush, and with clutch receiver Michael Young having been injured on the drive, on fourth and ten Elway scrambled, held up and launched a strike to Vance Johnson who took the ball to the Oiler 21, a 44 yard pass play, a good deal of it on a run past the stunned Houston sideline and a sickly looking Warren Moon. After a ten yard Steve Sewell run Treadwell atoned for his missed extra point by kicking the winning field goal with 16 seconds left. The place erupted in pandemonium, Big Johnson jumped up, already hoarse from shouting at “Warren Coon” for the entire game and vomited on the couple in front of us who we had earlier been passing around a doobie with. Those were the days when Elway often had to win the games largely by himself and there is no comparison – zip, nada, zilch to the fallacious argument made by Mark Kiszla and the Christian Right P.R. machine that Tebow is just a younger version of John Elway. The first ballot Hall of Famer racked up five Super Bowl appearances, two of them wins, he also racked up 148 total wins, 300 passing touchdowns, 51,475 passing yards, 3,417 rushing yards, 47 fourth quarter comebacks, nine Pro Bowl appearances. And John Elway was the consensus top quarterback prospect in the NFL draft his rookie year, not a product of wishful thinking and public relations.

But I Digress…..

I too remember the days when fans painted their houses orange, died their lawns orange, sat in sub zero temperatures on the capitol steps in Denver immersed in a vat of orange jello to win Super Bowl tickets, dined on orange pancakes and orange and blue tortilla chips. My time as a fan preceded Kisla’s tenure as the resident Denver Post ass-suckler and I remember the bad old days before the miracle season of 1977 when the Broncos went 12-2 and to their first Super Bowl. Their quarterback was a Christian then too but Craig Morton didn’t flaunt it and use it as a raison d’être but back in those days Christians for the most part were humble and followed the actual teachings of Christ, not the devil’s gospel of Timothy LaHaye, John Hagee, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and their ilk more concerned with their political agendas than anything uttered during the Sermon on the Mount. Morton could also win football games in the NFL and had the league been a corporate juggernaut in those days he too would have led the Broncos in jersey sales. 

While Tebow couldn’t carry Elway’s jockstrap (despite what his cult may believe) hope springs eternal in Denver after the nadir of 2010. There are already whispers that the Broncos will be targeting a young gun in next year’s draft and if he falls perhaps Stanford’s Andrew Luck would be a great fit. It is obvious that Kyle Orton is not the long-term solution and Tebow is an albatross and the media circus only ensures that he will be a distraction that will ultimately split the locker room. In the new era of Elway and Fox it is already apparent to all but the delusional that Tebow, like the rest of the cancer from the McDaniels era must be cut out, the sooner the better. Miami needs a quarterback and Tebow could be a nice fit in the Wildcat offense that the team utilizes, he would also be back in the sunshine state and would sell tickets. The show would be also be very entertaining as he tries to mesh with former Bronco receiver Brandon Marshall who is already on the outs in South Florida. The answer though is that Tebow must go and the sooner the better, even if the Broncos get nothing in return, look at the first rounder for Dan Gronkowski, just chalk it up as another McDaniels failure, eat the loss and move on. That’s really the only way at this point, anything else will only delay the recovery.

As with so many things in this torn apart country the great Tebow debate comes down to those who live in a reality based world and a world of make believe. I never said that Tim Tebow wasn’t a good guy, only that he is a false idol who will never be a successful quarterback on the NFL level. Those who use the young man to shove their hateful religion down the throats of the masses are obscene, loathsome and cynical and in the end they are ultimately damaging Tebow himself. Then these are the type who could care less about compassion, empathy, fairness and human decency, the things that that long-haired liberal Jesus Christ preached about. They would just as soon burn everyone who disagrees with their hijacking of a religion at the stake using green wood, the bible warned of these people and they are legion, their burning hatred only surpassed by their failure to acknowledge that which is reality.  

Tebow may yet find quarterbacking success in the Mile High City, perhaps with the coming Arena Football expansion team that Denver is expected to land.

At the Tip Of The Spear: Moonbat Bachmann Hits Iowa


With the conservative culture of perpetual victimhood having spent the week raging at the hideous liberal conspiracy behind the Michele Bachmann Newsweek cover photo they should be absolutely delighted with her act of simulated fellatio on a corndog in Iowa. The picture, which could prove to be the Minnesota moonbat’s Michael Dukakis in the tank iconic image is already going viral even as the news about the big win in the land of corn and rubes is being hyped as the latest triumph of the fascist brownshirt Dick Armey of Darkness that is the Tea Party.

Right-wing activists are in full damage control mode today, squealing about “sexism” which has come to be the standard defense against any criticism directed towards Bachmann or her evil twin Sarah Palin. The charges of sexism are absurd coming from a party that has built a movement based on denying women the right to choose what to do with their own bodies. But the right-wing is well known for such hypocrisy and no amount of spin is going to make this delightful and hilarious picture go away. Hell, I nearly pissed in my pants laughing at it when I saw it last night.

The story accompanying the picture is also being decried, a damning look at the idiocy of Republican politics. Take Toby Harnden’s piece for the Daily Telegraph Fried Food and Retail Politics at the Iowa State Fair from which I excerpt the following:

On the eve of the Ames Straw Poll, the Republican candidates made a last push for votes at the Iowa State Fair in Des Moines — a huge spectacle in which cattle, pigs and horses are on display as well as politicians and Iowans queue to for fairground rides and some of the most unhealthy food on the planet (I was going to try the Fried Twinkies but the queue was,alas, too long).

Sarah Palin, who is not on the Straw Poll ballot, made a high-profile appearance, as is her wont every time it seems she’s slipping out of the limelight, and was duly mobbed by the press. “There is still plenty of room for a common sense conservative,” she said, deliberately fuelling yet another round of speculation that she might after all enter the 2012 fray.

And –

Michele Bachmann, Iowa born and the favourite to win the Straw Poll, arrived half an hour late for her slot and then spoke for just over two minutes, saying that Iowans were “going to send the signal” to the rest of America just as they had in 2008. “This is where Barack Obama got his start. This is where he’s going to come to his end, in Iowa.”

she beat a hasty retreat after being aggressively heckled by a young man who shouted that she believed homosexuals were “second-class citizens” and that she should not try to “pray away the gay”.

Driving away on a golf cart with her husband Marcus beside her, Mrs Bachmann stopped to buy a foot-long corn dog — a chicken and beef sausage in deep-fried batter. After applying mustard and allowing Mr Bachmann to take the first bite, she chomped into it with gusto.

Ironically Bachmann has recently been proclaiming that she has been “the tip of the spear”, a declaration that will likely accompany that great corndog photo as it continues to proliferate across the blogosphere.

Just one more example of why the United States of America is now a laughingstock throughout the civilized world.


Lynch Mob Rule


The Ideological Cornerstone of Modern Republican Political Theory

Despite the trotting out of Arizona Representative Gabrielle Giffords last Monday night in what has to be the most cynical and shameless bit of political theater since George W. Bush landed on the aircraft carrier, the great debt ceiling crisis was the nadir of the ongoing decline of the Der Homeland. Mrs. Giffords, who was nearly murdered by a deranged little freak at a public appearance in rootin’ tootin’ Tuscon has been reinvented as some sort of icon of hope in the era of Obama’s chump change. The shooting, of which Giffords was only one of victims (the dead included a federal judge and a nine year old girl) grabbed headlines in that the act of wanton murder went down in a Congressional district that Sarah ‘lock and load’ Palin’s PAC just happened to have featured a gun site over in an recent solicitation for money. While Jared Loughner could never definitely be tied to the violent haters that comprise the teabaggers and fascist Republican base (and likely never will be due to his insanity) it was treated by many as a wake up call to the potential for mayhem spurred on by the general climate of anger, hatred and toxicity in American politics.

So it was Gabby Giffords who would provide the necessary human interest cover story for the grand scale, red white and blue, dipped in Tabasco ass-fucking delivered to America by the terrorist Republican party. A terrorist Republican party that has benefited enormously by the cover provided by their repackaged and rebranded Tea Party base, a mass of embittered pasty white folks who have meshed well with the standard collection of American Taliban religious crazies and have been able to wrap their radicalism in a Gadsden flag as some bizarre symbol of revolution against tyranny. A terrorist Republican base that is largely funded by plutocratic, anti-American tax chiselers like the Koch Brothers with their immense activist networks. A terrorist Republican party that is promoted by veteran Republican operative Roger Ailes and and the FOX news propaganda machine as well as tens of thousands of radio stations run by Christian fanatics to reach the haters. A terrorist Republican party that has been fed even more money by the vile pig Karl Rove who was able to escape prison thanks largely to the actions of the nebulous Patrick Fitzgerald to build a super money laundering machine. A terrorist Republican party that effectively has hijacked the entire fucking judicial system but especially the thoroughly polluted Supreme Court courtesy of the RATS (Roberts, Alito, Scalia, Thomas) who forever punched the ticket of American fascism with their landmark Citizen’s United ruling enabling corporations to openly buy elections. A terrorist Republican party that in true fashion, our feckless quisling leader Barack Obama never fails to surrender to.

One can nearly forgive the terrorist Republican party for their blistering hatred of the American public, that is after all what they are all about and despite the cheesecloth thin facade provided by their Tea Party they wear their fascism on their sleeves. What is unforgivable is the ongoing selling out of the country by the detestable rat that is Obama, a man who is rapidly carving out a niche for himself as the worst president in American history. Were Obama to have held office during the critical years of World War II we would all be speaking German today. Other than being a cheese eating surrender monkey the terrorist Republican party have hit the mother load with Obama because their neo-Confederate, racist teabagger shock troops will never relent while there is a Negro in the White House. Obama can capitulate on every demand, accommodate every desire to bust the backs of the middle class by destroying the social safety net and in will NEVER be enough. The bigots will still hate him, they will hate him with a burning white hot incandescence because that is in their blood. The would only be happy were the infidel Obama to be lynched at the fifty-yard line in Lucas Oil Stadium, on national television during the halftime show of Super Bowl XLVI accompanied by a Lee Greenwood-Toby Keith duet.

Obama, is still an enigma to a large degree. His presidency, an endless series of disasters that mount by the minute has in some sort of a sick way made me wistful for Bush and Cheney, at least then I knew who the fucking enemy was. Obama has been so consistently awful that he is either a complete ignoramus or he is in on the con. The fact that he packed his administration with Wall Street insiders and the worst type of recycled Clinton era scum would seem to indicate the latter but perhaps it is even worse. What if Obama reckons himself a transformational type of reformer who is going to co-opt the greatest hits of that old fraud Ronald Reagan and change the entire system into a magical post-partisan land of milk and honey? From Obama’s earliest days and his fawning admiration for the Doris Keans Goodwin book on the presidency of Abraham Lincoln entitled Team of Rivals he seemed to have this wild hair up his ass about ignoring reality and building a new bipartisan coalition in a land that is arguably more divided than what even Lincoln faced. The one great problem with this is that the fascist Republican hydra would sooner see Obama tarred and feathered and then dragged down Pennsylvania Avenue behind a team of Ford F-150s than make peace. That Obama was black only made the reactionary haters and tenth generation racists in the red states hate him even more.  I recall that one of the lines of attack on Obama by the fascist right-wing was that he was a disciple of the late great radical Saul Alinsky but this is now as ludicrous as the other attack line that he is a socialist. Alinsky likely wouldn’t piss on Obama were he on fire today due to the Pope of Hope’s history of rolling over without a fight and then giving away more than the original demands to the GOP terrorists.

With this morning’s blessed (and cooked to a fine fricassee) stock markets being watched very closely by the Obama administration, the terrorist Republican party and the financial cartels that own BOTH of them to see how ‘investors’ react to Friday’s surprise Standard and Poor downgrade of the U.S. there is yet another sense of surrealism about. The fix is already in folks, Mr. Obama and his pet Wall Street racketeer insiders Ben Bernanke and Tim Geithner will do whatever is necessary to keep the game going – get ready to become really familiar with the word austerity. The American economy will continue to crater – other than the rigged markets that have come to represent the financial health of the nation despite the inconvenient truth that they don’t have dick to do with the real economy. Since the Reagan reign of greed and illusion the swine and vermin on Wall Street have pulled off the big con of convincing the average American schmuck that they have a stake in the markets and the paper dealers have used millions upon millions in advertising and propaganda to get them into the pen for the shearing. The rolling out of 401k retirement plans and other investment vehicles have provided a very nice cover for corporate plunder, the dismantling and offshoring of the American manufacturing base and the ongoing war against labor that has led to the virtual extinction of the traditional company retirement and pension plans that built what was once the strongest middle class on the planet. You can bet that no matter what the opening bell of the DJIA (Dick Jammed In Ass) triggers that the hated big gubmint will be there to bail the bankster bloodsuckers and their stock churners out again. On the backs of already busted out and desperate Americans who are still oblivious to their plight and still for the most part believe in the legitimacy of their corrupted institutions.

The mockery of a “debate” on the debt problem, and it is one hell of a fucking problem is that it has zero basis in reality because it never, ever addresses the primary reason for America’s borrowing – to finance war and more war. This is where the terrorist Republican party and their mouth-breathing pasty white lynch mob will always be in the catbird seat. You see, the angry raised on John Wayne revisionist history dolts love war, especially when they don’t have to fight it and even more so when the war is being wage against the dirty brown skinned devil “a-rabs” or in a previous era “gooks”, they have an insatiable taste for human misery and a list of enemies that will ensure that there will never be a lack of those to wage war upon. The idiot masses are also being conned into buying the brilliant con job of destroying “entitlements” which is the word that has now come to describe Social Security and Medicare, programs that working Americans fucking PAID into for years and are now being cut to fund more war and money shuffling. The just plain mean nimcompoops who fly the Gadsden flag while manning the front lines for the terrorist Republican party are too buttfuck stupid to understand that while they are still waging cultural war against “welfare queens” and other Negroes sucking off of the big gubmint dole that the use of “entitlements’ to now include programs that they themselves benefit from that they have been given the knives to cut their own throats – and their gullibility ensures that they will do just that.

The real problem in this country with money and debt is that the entire “debate” is dishonest, other than the failure to include the costs of waging endless and costly corporate wars the real menace of big gubmint run amok, the post 9/11 national security state is also never addressed. Teabaggers are perfectly down with a high-tech surveillance network unlike anything seen in human history, the state sanctioned molestation of children and bullying of old ladies wearing medical diapers by TSA Nazis and the militarizing of local police departments because after all, if you didn’t do anything wrong why should you be afraid? There also can’t be any form of higher taxation on the rich pigs and chiselers (or to crib from a well known amphetamine gobbling Russian emigre “looters” and “moochers”) who have benefited astronomically from the three decades running class war that kicked off when Dutch Reagan fired those goddamned air traffic controllers. There is a rapidly declining tax base due to rigged laws that allow those who least deserve tax amnesty to avoid paying their fair share, millions of unemployed who can’t participate in the consumer economy and the glue that holds the entire thing together is the big lie that anyone can become rich in America, thanks to our benevolent rich job creators – horseshit! Tax the fuckers until they grow hoarse from squealing and loose the RICO laws on pigs like Grover Fucking Norquist, Karl Rove and the treasonous Koch Brothers.

So as the band plays on and the continues to sink, the rails manned with angry white lumpen Republicans waving their Gadsden flags and cheering while the glorious winners of the looter capitalist class war commandeer the life boats. Never mind the rest of us who are trapped in steerage, already up to our fucking necks in water.