Category Archives: Tim Tebow
Maybe Tim Tebow is a football force of nature, the answer to Denver’s mile-high longing for the next John Elway. But it’s going to take more than a screen pass, a 12-yard TD scramble, constant fist-pumping and yelling and a moral victory to convince me.I hope I don’t get struck by lightning or my Tebow-loving, FOXSports.com colleague Jen Engel for writing that.I’m not for or against Touchdown Timmy. I’m a Kansas City-fed, Show Me State, fence-sitting skeptic when it comes to the religious symbol/Broncos quarterback. You have to show me more than a 4-of-10, 79-yard passing half to get my heart racing about a Tebow Era.I was stunned Sunday night when none other than Tony Dungy declared on NBC’s “Football Night In America” that Denver coach John Fox had to start Tebow in two weeks after Denver’s bye in the aftermath of the Broncos’ 29-24 close loss against San Diego. Dungy, while a religious zealot, is a stone-cold football man, a methodical, by-the-books, measured coach. He’s not given to succumbing to emotion or public sentiment.But he’s now apparently caught Tebow religion thanks to a screen pass that Knowshon Moreno turned into a 28-yard TD scamper, a Tebow run for another score and the intangible-reliant belief the Broncos played harder when Touchdown Timmy was yelling and screaming.Dungy fell for the hype. It makes sense. He’s removed from the fire. He’s on TV now. He’s like the rest of America. We believe that whatever the last entertaining thing we saw on the boob tube is infinitely better than whatever we saw before.Sorry. I’m in a very cynical mood today. Touchdown Timmy reminds me of the AMC drama “Breaking Bad,” the show idiots claim is on the verge of replacing “The Wire” as the greatest in television history. “Breaking Bad” aired its Season 4 finale a couple of hours after Tebow flung his final incomplete pass into the end zone.Yelling, screaming and fist-pumping are intangibles and motivational techniques best used by assistant coaches and middle linebackers. They have limited value on the offensive side of the ball. Defense is emotional. Offense is intellectual. Ray Lewis can’t play quarterback. And Peyton Manning can’t play middle linebacker.In a pass-happy league where Cam Newton came out of the box throwing for 400 yards, let’s not get carried away because Touchdown Timmy threw for 79.Denver doesn’t have a quarterback controversy. It has a QB crisis.
I used to have a buddy named Horatio Hicks, or Horace Hicks, which was the name on his birth certificate. He was a tall, lanky piece of work, a real oddball who always wore hiking boots, heavy metal band t-shirts and denim overalls and had slicked back hair, he went through the pomade in a day when letting it grow out was fashionable. He also had a schnozzle so big that we called him “Horse” which he dug. He always would boast that his penis was as big as a horse’s and when the mood hit him, he would on occasion unzip his jeans, extract it and wave it around. He loved to go through fast food drive through windows with it out and if it was late enough, after a night of heavy boozing and doping he would play with it until it was erect and then laugh hysterically when the poor night girl at Jack In The Box would notice. It was actually pretty repulsive but in this sorry day of foul social deviance, rampant boy-buggering by once respected institutions like the Catholic Church and the proclivity of perverts and freaks to engage in not only sexual crimes but often murder and dismemberment it was in a way quite innocent, at least by 2011 standards.
While I largely passed for the most part on the NFL’s opening week 9/11 nationally televised carnivals of perversion I have as a longtime Broncos fan been watching the Tebow sideshow closely. With little boy Jesus relegated to the third string due to his inferior professional football skills (hell, if you can’t beat out Brady Quinn you have problems) the fervor of the cult has raged unabated. During the season opener in the recently renamed Sports Authority Field in Denver the home team laid a whopper of an egg against the hated Oakland Raiders, this being at least the third straight home loss to Al Davis’ team. Incumbent starter Kyle Orton once again couldn’t make a play down the stretch or in the red zone to save his life and during one drive had one of the most idiotic fumbles that I have seen in 45 years of watching football – he just dropped the fucking ball! The final score was only 23-20 this time, a huge improvement on last year’s 59-14 battering or the prior years ultimate humiliation on having Jamarcus Russell lead a team from behind but it was still a winnable game. The Tebow contingent, and naturally the pocket media that promotes the imbecility that he is a quality starting QB in the NFL. By the fourth quarter, when a homefield advantage led by a 80,000 fans making noise was for the most part erased by Tebow fans braying for their boy and booing Orton’s every move the deal was done and the season started out with the loss. I remember when the old Mile High Stadium was one of the most hated and feared venues in the league to play in. Opponents were intimidated by the din of Broncos (not Tebow) fans all cheering their team, making noise to discombobulate the opposition and stomping their feet on the old steel stands to rock the place as if it were in an earthquake. Not so anymore, as long as the Christers show up to try to cram their religious avatar and their political agenda down everyone’s throats the home field edge for a Denver team desperately in need of any help that they can get while rebuilding will be negated.
Disney Corporation’s Sportscenter on ESPN led off their Tuesday NFL coverage with one of their standard dim-witted, big-titted pretty girls spinning the Broncos v. Raiders game into an epic illusion that completely ignored the game, focused entirely on Orton’s fumble and then cut to shots of Aryan youth looking Tebow fans decked out in their orange number 15 jerseys chanting TEEEEE-BOWW juxtaposed with shots of Orton’s deer in the headlights look. More dishonest and out of context reporting by a network that had long ago jumped the shark and exists solely off of it’s past before it was devoured by Disney. I will grant the Tebowistas one thing, Orton does suck and more often than not exhibits all of the grace of a stork that is high on quaaludes while in the pocket. He can’t run, has to deal with a porous offensive line, has no running game to support him and the next clutch play that he makes will be the first yet he must feel like the Christers of old when they were trotted out by the Romans to be eaten by lions. In my opinion while overly sadistic and very gory it is a practice that deserves another look given the increasing militancy of American Christendom today.
But on and on it goes, the next big thing is that an out of state group is going to be spending money to put up two pro-Tebow billboards in Denver, taking their experience from the ruinous and ongoing culture war into the sports arena. These swine are pros when it comes to distraction, deceit and divisiveness and I can guarantee you that it won’t stop with the billboards. I am sure that Jesus would cough up the 10 k, it’s not like there are poor and starving children in Denver who could be better helped where the money donated to an organization that ministers to their needs. In a way though the team has nobody to blame but themselves for the Tebow thing, after all, ousted coach Josh McDaniels was given free reign over personnel decisions and he was duped into trading up and down to get Timmy to begin with. They also were completely happy to feature those expensive number 15 jerseys that are made in other countries by sweatshop labor (really patriotic NFL merchandise) and promoted Tebow heavily in their marketing campaign for season ticket renewals despite the lockout. Pat Bowlen if nothing else is a shrewd businessman who understood that despite the season in limbo due to the lockout that the Jesus juicers being the suckers, rubes and schmucks that they are and always have been could be counted on to shell out their money for the second coming of Christ.
As it sits today, mid-week after Sunday’s latest game Tebow actually got onto the field against the Cincinnati Bengals on Sunday, which had thousands of his flock roaring their approval. But in a cruel crushing of their hopes and dreams numero 15 was only in the game as an emergency receiver, the Broncos had lost two more pass catchers to injury and needed a decoy. Tebow didn’t catch a pass nor was he targeted by the maligned Orton, I am sure that this week the Tebow cult will be crying that it was a devious trick by hated infidel coach John Fox who may soon find himself the target of one of those trademark right-wing whisper campaigns about his alleged fondness for Sharia law. The Broncos mercifully hit the road this week after eking out a 24-22 win, it will be a welcome departure from the ongoing distraction of the Tebow cancer.
Stay tuned for further developments in this ongoing saga.
When it comes to the Republican dogma of butt-fuck stupid there is no better face for the anti-intellectual movement that is America’s Khmer Rouge than Sarah Palin. The wild Alaskan moonbat is a modern day fable of white trash hitting it big in a way that the Clampett’s never could have imagined. Palin rocketed to national media stardom when she was selected in an amazing act of desperation by former presidential candidate and longtime blowhard John McCain as his vice presidential running mate during the 2008 campaign. Palin, a sly little Kewpie doll with Nixonian delusions of grandeur was a perfect head of the nascent know-nothing Tea Party Astroturf movement. She traveled the land saying the things that McCain just couldn’t or wouldn’t say about the BLACK man running on the Democratic party ticket. Palin’s rallies attracted the real dregs of society, the uber-bigoted religious rabble who sure as fuck weren’t about to tolerate a Negro in the WHITE House. Of course Palin began to get under the notoriously sensitive McCain’s skin and in an amazing act of raw hubris sought to give a concession speech/call to arms when Obama’s electoral landslide swept aside the “maverick” once and for all.
Palin had staying power though, the suckling corporate media, always looking for a cheap story that appealed to the morons and living off of the government dole shut ins and rarely a news cycle went by without some sort of Palin update. She parlayed her fame with the peckerwoods and knuckle-draggers into a reality show, book deals and speaking engagements, quitting her real gig as Alaska’s governor to chase the money. She even starred in a bizarre movie version of her kampf unbelievably called “The Undefeated” which was even less popular than the idiotic adaptation of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged that was launched earlier this year. While suffering a huge ding in her image largely due to the sleazy insinuations of violence and killin’ that was a feature of her ongoing campaigns and accumulation of dough with the tragic attempted murder of Arizona congresswoman Gabby Giffords – the asshats in Palin’s org. had featured a nifty map with a gunsite on top of Giffords’ district she actually dropped off of the media screen – temporarily of course. She was soon back on a heavily hyped bus tour just in time for Memorial Day where in true Republican fashion she could hijack the day from the war dead for her own political agenda like the greedy, disrespectful narcissist that she is.
Palin being the divisive figure and insatiable media whore that she is would naturally compile a long list of enemies, a good many in the GOP establishment who likely resented having to kiss her ass for two plus years. Palin also has a past and the dirty little secrets are starting to seep out. This spring saw a book launched by a former ally named Frank Bailey entitled Blind Allegiance to Sarah Palin which portrayed Palin as vindictive, driven, immoral and unethical in her pursuit of power. The book unfortunately was lost in the cacophony of crap when the Palin bus tour was launched at a suspiciously coincidental time so as to swallow the revelations in Bailey’s book. Now there is a new book on flag-draped, dumb-ass America’s sweetheart that is far uglier than the first. Author Joe McGinniss trots out The Rogue which has assholes all along the teabagger right puckering for allegations of drug use and even better yet that Palin had a yearning for fucking black men back in her younger days. Notably an alleged fling with former NBA basketball player Glen Rice during his college career with Michigan when Palin was covering the team and that she had a “fetish’ for black men.
Then there is the thing with fucking a black basketball player, not that any sort of interracial sexual activity is any sort of an issue and I personally tend to believe what Senator Jay Bullington Bulworth proposed in that we should all just start fucking one another until everyone looks the same. But whenever one of these pigs from the GOP end up being caught fucking a black man or woman or are caught in an airport bathroom with a cock in their mouth they need to be appropriately vilified. After all, the Republican party is nothing but a neo-Confederate, racist to the bone, anti-gay pack of vicious haters and bullies who would be as in their element in a 1930 German beer hall as they are in their opulent megachurches or local teabagger bund meetings.
Perhaps There is something deeper with Palin’s Obama obsession…. if I cold locate Lenny Stokes, if he is still alive and didn’t get the Steve McNair treatment maybe I could ask him.
There are two competing groups when it comes to public opinion on Tim Tebow.
The first group thinks Tebow is God’s gift to humanity and that his NFL quarterbacking skills will catch up to his holiness if the Denver Broncos ever give him a chance.
The second group is creeped out by the first group.
But armed with the irrefutable evidence that somebody out there, or up there, believed Tebow was worthy of being a first-rounder, his supporters became emboldened. It’s why there’s a quarterback controversy in Denver right now for no good reason.
This is what happens when you reach to take a player who has a bigger reputation for piety than he does for touchdown passes. The pressure on John Elway, the Broncos’ new vice president of football operations, is significant. Tebow is much, much more than a football player. He’s a symbol for a large swath of people who see him as the best of what Christianity has to offer.
His autobiography, Through My Eyes, has been on the New York Times nonfiction bestseller list since it came out eight weeks ago. His jersey was the third-highest seller in the NFL last season, despite the fact he started only three games.
There is nothing wrong with any of that. The people have spoken, and they like Tim Tebow. A lot. But the people shouldn’t decide who gets to play quarterback.
Tim Tebow is not a paint-by-numbers quarterback. So why do the Broncos seem bent on turning him into Brian Griese, your plain vanilla game manager and the football equivalent of a certified public accountant?
The extreme makeover of Tebow has revealed a clumsy robot in need of a system reboot. It’s pure folly to recast an improvisational player as a pocket passer.
Tebow needs to be Tebow.
After feeling the heat from criticism this summer, Tebow repeatedly expressed a desire Wednesday to “have fun.”
But where did the unpredictable fun in his game go? Whatever happened to the instinctive rambler who wore No. 15 for the Broncos? While it sometimes appears that Tebow’s technique has regressed since his rookie season, maybe the real problem is lost identity.
Here’s the funny thing. When worry lines crease the face of Broncos executive John Elway as he wonders how long it might take Tebow to realize even an improvisational master must learn to win games from the pocket in the NFL, old No. 7 starts to look and sound a little like Dan Reeves.
Nobody who remembers houses in Denver painted orange can forget. Reeves gave Elway the fourth quarter to become an NFL legend of the comeback drive, but only after forcing the Stanford grad to operate at 5 mph under the speed limit for the majority of games during the 1980s.
The conservative approach by Reeves irked Elway. It contributed to the demise of a relationship between a frustrated superstar and his stubborn coach. Denver sided with Elway. Reeves departed.
Is it just me, or does the apprehensive sweat on the back of Elway’s neck as he contemplates handing Tebow the car keys smell like karma?