Category Archives: CNP

Michele Bachmann Can Suck My Dick

Der Führess of the Fetus Wars, Slayer of Islam and Stark Batshit Fucking Crazy

You have to hand it to the Republican terrorist organization, their propaganda machine is an awesome thing to behold, even the corpse of Joseph Goebbels  boner over it. The attack dogs are able to deploy on multiple fronts and immediately to simultaneously attack and destroy those who dare to piss on their idols. It didn’t take long to whip the artillery around in the direction of Rolling Stone Magazine and writer Matt Taibbi for his blistering take on the avatar of the boiling over with dysfunction and sexual frustration suburban Sally soccer mom demographic that is one Michele Marie Bachmann in the most recent edition or the magazine. On Friday it was like watching the Magic Johnson Lakers of old run the fast break, from drooling over a Weiner and anoiting notorious panty sniffer Andrew Breitbart as some modern day version of Upton Sinclair the transition to turning the fusillade in the direction of Rolling Stone was as seamless as it is predictable and shameless. The right-wing echo chamber immediately began laying down the storyline that Taibbi had relied on plagiarism to write the piece by not duly crediting bloggers and lesser writers for material in the piece. In typical style this story was floated on the day that the piece came out, trying to attack the messenger, it was so lame and sloppy though that by the next morning, the purveyor of the lie came out with an update stating that “A representative of Rolling Stone took issue with the characterization of the bogus dispute as involving “plagiarism” in this post’s original headline, noting that the author of the City Pages Bachmann profile didn’t use the term, so the headline has since been modified.”. Rolling Stone should sue the bastards, in fact if every victim of ginned up Republican fascist lies would do this it would discourage some of the serial fibbers and make respectable media (ha ha ha) outfits think twice about the next emaciated crack-monkey James O’Keefe con job. One thing though, despite the plagiarism gambit, as of today nobody from the Bachmann Org. has yet to deny the piece itself.

In recent weeks, Bachmann has become the chosen one to lead the Gadsden flag toting, low information voter, Becked up American brownshirts that are the media created Tea Party, a group of really angry white folks who never seemed to have much of a problem with anything that’s going on until a black man was elected to the WHITE House. Batsy Bachmann is the darling of a lazy and cowed gaggle of bullshit artists, grifters, hangers-on, sniveling yuppies and arch-propagandists who like drunk on blood ticks have jumped off of the Palin bus and onto that of the deranged Minnesota Congresswoman. It is a dirty little secret that Frau Bachmann is of course heavily supported by America’s Israeli fifth-column that has long manifested itself in the Religious Right which is already configuring an attack on the “Kenyan” Obama that is going to turn next November’s election into a referendum on Israel. Nice country, we are actually going to have a national election that is going to be more about the policies for a foreign land, and one steeped in serious racism and Apartheid style repression not to mention the sort of heinous war crimes usually associated with regimes like Nazi Germany, obviously as much a role model to Zionist hard-liners as it is to Republican party strategists. The Glenn Beck freak show is hyping an August visit to God’s chosen desert hellhole where he will hold a “Restoring Courage” rally. Bachmann is already speaking out on how the United States must ignore our own massive economic, social and infrastructure problems in order to ensure that pigs like Bibi Netanyahu and Avigdor Lieberman can get on with kicking off Armageddon by nuking Iran. The pus-filled brains of the monstrous Rapture death cult here in Der Heimat are crestfallen that huckster Harold Camping was bullshitting them about their wondrous naked flight up to the heavens on May 21st and want to speed up the deaths of themselves and their children and lighting up Tehran would certainly be a trigger event that they will be down with. Take it to the bank, the fascist Republican strategy is going to be ALL IN on Israel, I will be covering this as it continues.

But I digress…

Taibbi’s piece on Bachmann is a crazy bitch slapping epic, from which I excerpt the following:

Bachmann is a religious zealot whose brain is a raging electrical storm of divine visions and paranoid delusions. She believes that the Chinese are plotting to replace the dollar bill, that light bulbs are killing our dogs and cats, and that God personally chose her to become both an IRS attorney who would spend years hounding taxpayers and a raging anti-tax Tea Party crusader against big government. She kicked off her unofficial presidential campaign in New Hampshire, by mistakenly declaring it the birthplace of the American Revolution. “It’s your state that fired the shot that was heard around the world!” she gushed. “You are the state of Lexington and Concord, you started the battle for liberty right here in your backyard.”

I said lunch, not launch! But don’t laugh. Don’t do it. And don’t look her in the eyes; don’t let her smile at you. Michele Bachmann, when she turns her head toward the cameras and brandishes her pearls and her ageless, unblemished neckline and her perfect suburban orthodontics in an attempt to reassure the unbeliever of her non-threateningness, is one of the scariest sights in the entire American cultural tableau. She’s trying to look like June Cleaver, but she actually looks like the T2 skeleton posing for a passport photo. You will want to laugh, but don’t, because the secret of Bachmann’s success is that every time you laugh at her, she gets stronger.

In modern American politics, being the right kind of ignorant and entertainingly crazy is like having a big right hand in boxing; you’ve always got a puncher’s chance. And Bachmann is exactly the right kind of completely batshit crazy. Not medically crazy, not talking-to-herself-on-the-subway crazy, but grandiose crazy, late-stage Kim Jong-Il crazy — crazy in the sense that she’s living completely inside her own mind, frenetically pacing the hallways of a vast sand castle she’s built in there, unable to meaningfully communicate with the human beings on the other side of the moat, who are all presumed to be enemies.

And – 

Bachmann’s obsession with gay culture led her to bizarre behavioral extremes. In April 2005, after the State Senate refused to even vote on her constitutional amendment, she hid in the bushes outside the State Capitol during a gay-rights rally. A photo shows Bachmann, only the top of her Stepford head visible, crouched alone in an extreme catcher’s squat behind the Capitol shrubbery. She later insisted she wasn’t hiding at all, but resting because her heels hurt.

That same year tensions between Bachmann and some gay activists grew heated during a town-hall meeting she attended. Depending on whom you believe — and by that I mean which of Bachmann’s own competing versions of the story you believe — Bachmann either left the meeting to avoid the activists, or excused herself to “use the restroom” only to be “held against her will” there by what may or may not have been a pair of angry lesbians. She reported the incident to the Washington County sheriff: “Sen. Bachman [sic] stated that when she was trying to leave, 2 women blocked her in and told her they wanted to continue talking. Sen. Bachman stated she was afraid and screamed for help. The 2 women let her leave the restroom when she screamed.”

Images of Michele Bachmann squatting behind a bush or hiding from lesbians in a bathroom would seem to be punch lines of funny stories, but they are not. The real punch line is that rather than destroying her politically, these incidents helped propel her into Congress. In her first two races, in 2006 and 2008, she defeated experienced, credible opponents who failed to realize what they were dealing with until it was too late. Her 2006 win was an especially extraordinary testament to her electoral viability. In a terrible year for conservatives, with the death-spiraling Bush administration taking Republican seats down with them all over the country, Bachmann won a fairly independent district by an eight-point margin. In her runs for Congress, Bachmann discovered — or perhaps it is more accurate to say we all discovered — that a total absence of legislative accomplishment and a complete inability to tell the truth or even to identify objective reality are no longer hindrances to higher office.

Emboldened by the lack of consequences for her early freakouts, Bachmann’s self-mythologizing became more and more overt. In October 2006, she stepped before a packed house at the Living Word Christian Center in Brooklyn Park, Minnesota, and told her life story. All of history’s great madmen have had that one gorgeous moment where the cackling hairy hunchback that has been gestating within for years finally comes out and shows itself, strutting up and down the catwalk for the world to see. This was Michele’s catwalk moment, a lengthy autobiographical speech in which she claimed “callings” from God had pushed her to every major decision in her life — from studying tax law to running for Congress. She even told the congregation that she and hubby Marcus — who by then had opened a Christian counseling center — had been united not by love but by a unique series of divine visions experienced by three people simultaneously.

Bachmann claimed that back in her college days, she was up one night praying with a female friend of hers when “the Lord gave each one of us the same, exact vision… It was a picture of me, marrying this man, in the valley where his parents have a farm in western Wisconsin.” Meanwhile, miles away, Marcus “was repairing a fence on the farm where he worked, and the Lord showed him in a vision that he was supposed to marry me.” According to Bachmann, Marcus initially complained to God that he wanted to see the world first, and only later relented.

Snickering readers in New York or Los Angeles might be tempted by all of this to conclude that Bachmann is uniquely crazy. But in fact, such tales by Bachmann work precisely because there are a great many people in America just like Bachmann, people who believe that God tells them what condiments to put on their hamburgers, who can’t tell the difference between Soviet Communism and a Stafford loan, but can certainly tell the difference between being mocked and being taken seriously. When you laugh at Michele Bachmann for going on MSNBC and blurting out that the moon is made of red communist cheese, these people don’t learn that she is wrong. What they learn is that you’re a dick, that they hate you more than ever, and that they’re even more determined now to support anyone who promises not to laugh at their own visions and fantasies.

Bachmann is the champion of those tens of millions of Americans who have read and enjoyed the Left Behind books, the apocalyptic works of Christian fiction that posit an elaborate fantasy in which all the true believers are whisked off to heaven with a puff of smoke at the outset of Armageddon. Here on Earth, meanwhile, the guilty are bent to the will of a marauding Satan who appears at first in the guise of a smooth-talking, handsome, educated, pro-government, superficially pacifist, internationalist politician named Nicolae Carpathia — basically, Barack Obama. Bachmann has ties to the Left Behind crowd and has even said that Beverly LaHaye, wife of LB co-author and fundamentalist godfather Tim LaHaye, was her inspiration for entering politics.

Note the reference to Beverly LaHaye, the wife of none other than Timothy LaHaye which to those who understand these things ties Bachmann directly into the highly secretive and enormously influential fascist nest of vipers that is The Council For National Policy, an organization that combines elements of post-WW II rogue shadow government figures, stone serious religious maniacs like the notorious R.J. Rushdoony, media moguls and high-rolling American plutocrats like the DeVos family. While CNP operates so far under the radar as to be subterranean here is an earlier link to a database of some of the members. I know a log of people who are pretty smart, well-informed and dedicated patriots who have never even heard of The Council For National Policy, I would suggest familiarizing yourself with it and quickly, this is the head of the serpent when it comes to American fascism and that isn’t rhetoric. Bachmann is their girl and they are going to ride this estrogen intoxicated egomaniac all of the way to what is going to become an election season that will be so sordid, so dirty and so racist that it will be a miracle if there isn’t blood flowing in the streets. Look for hundreds of millions of dollars worth of advertising pandering to racists and the scum of American society attacking Muslims, blacks, illegal aliens and especially gays, Bachmann, like all movement ‘Christians’ is an unrepentant anti-gay rights bigot who is already on record as saying that she is going to fervently push for a Constitutional amendment overturning New York’s new landmark same-sex marriage law. You can always smell the stench of hypocrisy emanating from a scumbagger, their supposed reverence to Constitutional principles is mirrored by their cherry picking of the bible.

As for Taibbi,he has certainly compiled a gargantuan enemies list, his blistering diatribes against the “giant vampire squid” that is Goldman Sachs (or as I fondly refer to them, The Great Satan) has had the man targeted for termination by America’s fifth column for a good while now. Taibbi, who as an expatriate once wrote an essay that was entitled God Can Suck My Dick (which is the inspiration for the title of this little post) will like all of the rest of those who fight back be vilified by the Republican slime machine, FOX will be featuring the Two Minute Hate and the shovels of bloody red meat will be fed to the devil worshippers of the Tea Party aka the rebranded post-Bush GOP base. Rolling Stone has featured Taibbi for years now but this is going to be the one serious assault that the Dick Armey of Darkness is being dialed up for. The John Birch Society, those paragons of virtue (who ironically are more liberal on civil liberties than Obama) have even sounded the air war horns through their house organ The New American, the JBS was nearly as big an influence on Daddy Fred Koch and his war on America as was Joe Stalin who he made a fortune building oil refineries for. Taibbi had best be prepared for total war now, the swine are ready to eat.The Bircher defense of Bachmann is laughable as can be expected by an organization that believes that the United States is under assault by a grand conspiracy of the Commie United Nations seeking to control Americans by filling the water with Sodium Flouride. The writer, some twit named Isabel Lyman (sounds like a Jewish transsexual) in a diatribe that is originally titled Rolling Stone’s Liberal Rant Against Michelle Bachmann huffs:

Taibbi, let us not forget, works for a publication, sold at many mainstream outlets, which has featured entertainers like Lady Gaga, John Lennon, and the cast of True Blood, in the nude, on its covers. To boot, HBO’s True Blood cast was covered in blood. But it’s a scandal-free constitutional lawyer and junior member of Congress, not the publisher of Rolling Stone (who is estranged from his wife and now has a boyfriend) who is certifiable. Go figure.
Too busy mocking her Christian views and scribbling biased, frantic post-modern prose, Taibbi also didn’t bother to check how Bachmann’s voting record lined up with constitutional government.

Please allow me: Gun Owners of America gave her a grade of “A.” NumbersUSA, an immigration enforcement organization, also gave her a grade of “A.” Her score with the American Conservative Union is “100.” Citizens Against Government Waste recently declared her a “Taxpayer Hero.” She supports defunding Planned Parenthood, and supported the interests of the National Right to Life Committee one hundred percent of the time. Her cumulative score on the Freedom Index, for the 111th Congress, is 88 percent.

A typical attack, dripping with sanctimony like the hated Piss Christ you can always count on the Birchers, again like their bastard brethren in the American Christian Right to selectively pick and choose which parts of both the Constitution and the Bible that are applicable and which are not. For the record, Jesus Christ denounced hypocrites and moneychangers but never said one fucking thing about homosexuality, maybe Jesus was gay, he sure hung around with a bunch of dudes all the time drinking wine and bitching about the Republican pharisees of his day. Not only could he have been gay but he was definitely a long-haired, liberal rabble rouser who would be crucified in a New York minute by the Bircher and teabagger moral reprobates where he to return tomorrow laying down the same message. 

Despite the need of the fascist Republican party to protect their queen, one would have to wonder if Taibbi is only a secondary target, after all Rolling Stone recently ran a brutal excoriation of FOX capo Roger Ailes that exposed him as the rotten to the core, bursting at the seams sack of excrement that he truly is. I am sure that it is a combination of both, Taibbi is despite his great work a smarmy little prick at heart and his ability to be featured in a prominent national publication likely depended on atoning for the God Dick story by coming out as a shill for the establishment in denouncing those who dare to question the official government conspiracy story on the great American Reichstag Fire that was 9/11. To me being the one to conduct knee-cappings on behalf of the powers that be who could never stand for a serious investigation of that oh so glorious day now rapidly approaching it’s tenth anniversary, a day so momentous in the storyline of the New American Century that it may even result in NFL labor peace just so that the league doesn’t lose it’s showcase game pitting the Dallas Cowboys against the New York Jets on the night of September 11, 2011 – a nice modern day riffing of The Yankee and Cowboy War if ever there was one. By the way, Taibbi’s history pretty much debunks the plagiarism bullshit anyway, it would be no surprise were he to not adequately credit the work of those of us who are bloggers or lesser writers and therefore shunned by the corporate media. The attacks by the reich wingers though aren’t going to be able to do much to ding the Bachmann piece, Rolling Stone can fight back unlike oversexed and idiotic members of Congress sending shots of their dicks around via TWITter like a high-rolling, unsophisticated peckerwood like Brett Favre does.

Brand Bachmann was officially launched as a presidential candidate today and the corporate media is STILL finger-fucking itself, overjoyed that they now have a sidekick for their beloved Sarah Palin. Incidentally both Palin and Bachmann, the Thelma and Louise of the GOP hellbent on driving the Rapture Bus over the edge of a cliff are both descending on those ignorant, doomed hicks in Iowa this week. Bachmann to schmooze with the corn fed northern versions of the neo-Confederate dumbasses south of the Mason-Dixon Line and Palin to vaingloriously promote her Triumph of the Will style documentary about herself and her white trash clan hit it bigger than the Clampetts. Shit, that one is going to be a barn-burner, I wonder what the over/under on ticket sales to the William Kristol/Weekly Standard anti-American neocon front groups will be gobbling up to give away as freebies to the bussed in bluehairs.

Now what would be great and even a godless heathen like me would pony up for a copy would be a down and dirty, hot and nasty lesbian porn flick starring Bachmann and the our nation’s numero uno MILF Sarah Palin. Call it something like Klondike Dyke Daisy Chain and now that her slut daughter Bristol is of legal age let her show up in a cameo role. I bet that motherfucker would even blow away Obsession:  Radical Islam’s War Against the West or the Left Behind horseshit in distribution copies among the right-wingers, there would be a run on the horny goat weed that is sold in packets next to the the jack rack at the local truckstop.
Just my two cents