Category Archives: Rapture Christians

6/6/06 – A Day From Hell?



Not one to allow her ideological cronies to cash in on the big trifecta that is 6/6/6, a marketing bonanza for every business entity from the radical clerics who control the GOP to the woeful Tampa Bay Devil Rays who are playing the Los Angeles Angels (the Colorado Rockies whose proclamation that they were God’s Team came too late for the MLB schedule makers to capitalize on that titanic clash) to the yet another inevitably shitty Hollywood remake of a classic in the 2006 version of The Omen to the ruling dominatrix of irrational hostility and demonic Succubus Ann Coulter’s release of her latest dark grimore of anti- American psychotic rantings (DSM-IV certifiable…just check it out yourself) subtly and modestly entitled Godless: The Church of Liberalism and should be entitled Brainless: I Am Getting Rich off of Stupidity. The queen of mean is definitely not above pandering to the masses with today’s exploitative release of this tome of dementia and I am sure that somewhere on the internet some right-wing website is selling autographed and laminated copies….what’s the sense in plunking down 25 bucks for something that you can only use once guys? If Coulter really wanted to walk the walk as a paragon of ‘moral virtue’ for the ‘protecting the sanctity of marriage crowd’ she could get hitched herself… a member of the opposite sex. Thank God that she’s an arch-conservative, were she a ‘godless liberal’ she would be inundated with innuendo that being 40 something and single may make her……GASP….gay!
Anyway, today is the big day, 6/6/6 and the snake handlers in the GOP base of fundamentalist, gay-bashing red state regressives will no doubt be breaking out the Tim LaHaye books as well as their other talismans and screeching like demented banshees over the signs of the coming Rapture. I happened to drop by one of my local convenience stores over the weekend and my purchase of a six pack of Bud Ice Light and a bag of peanut M & M’s just happened to come to a total of GASP….6.66! The funny thing is that the clerk on duty, a mousy blonde girl in her mid-twenties with a look of about four kids in the past and a lifetime of we in the future suddenly froze and stared at the register muttering something unintelligible although I think that I could vaguely make out the word Jesus but then again I am not much of a lip reader. After ten or so seconds that seemed like a hell of a lot longer she shoved my stuff at me and backed away as if I somehow had caused her machine to product that dreaded combination of numbers. Knowing all to well the irrational tendencies of the local members of the God Squad I grabbed my shit and got the hell out of the place very quickly before she was able to reach under the counter for a gun seeing that in Florida it is now legal to kill people if you feel threatened (praise be upon the lord and Governor Jeb Bush) and I wasn’t about to stick around to see if that little trailer park hoochie mama was going for the gun loaded with silver bullets to dispatch a damned secular earthly agent of Lucifer himself.

As the masses of the mythical Antichrist in the south (he was known as the great deceiver after all but you NEVER hear this angle from the turn the other cheek pansies on the so-called religious left) gather in anticipation of the coming assault on Christo-American values that has once again been juiced by a renewed crusade against honest, taxpaying loyal American gay people Karl Rove and the other maestros of manipulation are rubbing their little cloven hooves together and cackling with demonic glee at yet another clever distortion that will keep the morons focused on winning the Civil War through a theocratic takeover and the subsequent inquisition where the elimination of torture protections and the prurient desires of the flock will allow them to bend us all over backwoods logs like poor Ned Beatty in the classic Deliverance. The GOP has hit the big trifecta by exploiting greed (the repeal of the estate tax), fear and loathing (the gay marriage amendment) and racism (the anti-Mexican crackdown disguised as a crusade against illegal immigration) and succeeded in changing the subject from Iraq, Iran, the schizophrenic stock market, government corruption, global warming and the myriad of other crimes of the Bushists including covert efforts to modify the military manual to downplay the importance of Geneva Convention as well as the discussion for mandatory conscription to provide more cannon fodder for the wet dreams of the PNAC boys.

I happen to listen to C-SPAN and Washington Journal in the mornings, you know the show where no matter the issue the hosts have split the callers into two camps which depending on which day that it is are broken down as Democrats vs Republicans or callers For or Against George W. Bush. Nice little gig but it is alas a rigged game as well. The ‘Republicans for The President’ line is often stacked with very articulate, on message callers armed with the daily talking points and a mandate to hog as much airtime as possible while the ‘Democrat line’ seems to be carefully screened to allow only the true dunces to get through on most occasions and when there is a well spoken caller armed with the facts they are either dumped due to the always suspicious ‘cell phone interference’ or given as little airtime as possible.

Anyhow I digress…

This morning the featured guest was none other than Senator Wayne Allard, he of the insidious anti-gay amendment that the GOP has chosen as the most important crisis in America this week (and the elimination of the estate tax on the unearned incomes of the wealthiest of the rentier class misleadingly named ‘the death tax’ by Republican think tank propagandists) rather than acknowledge the mounting body count in Iraq or….you get the picture, basically anything that really matters. Allard did his duty carrying the water for Karl Rove and Bill Frist by using his airtime to filibuster and regurgitate the standard RNC talking points repeatedly invoking terms like “the people’s will”, “activist courts” and the always successful when used in reference to racism and discrimination “state’s rights” is a wonderful quote from a column by the great Bob Herbert of the New York Times (sorry, the link is unavailable unless you plunk the money to subscribe to Times Select) called Impossible, Ridiculous, Repugnant that pegs it dead on in the words of the late GOP strategist and Rove mentor Lee Atwater the man who was behind the infamous Willie Lee Horton racist ads that attacked Daddy Bush’s 1988 opponent Michael Dukakis:

“You start out in 1954 by saying ‘Nigger,nigger,nigger.’ But by 1968 you can’t say ‘nigger’ – that hurts you. Backfires. So you say stuff like forced busing, states’ rights and all that stuff. You’re getting so abstract now [that] you’re talking about cutting taxes, and all these things you’re talking about are totally economic things and a byproduct of them is [that] blacks get hurt worse than whites.

“And subconsciously maybe that is part of it. I’m not saying that if it is getting that abstract, and that coded, that we are doing away with the racial problem one way or the other. You follow me – because obviously sitting around saying ‘we want to cut this’ is much more abstract than the busing thing, and a hell of a lot more abstract than ‘Nigger, nigger.”

There you have the states rights thing and the coded racism and if you extrapolate it forward to include the wide net cast for the fundamentalist red state rabble by the substitution of gays for blacks although the war against civil rights and entitlements is still on you have the current GOP strategy of demonizing a convenient scapegoat for all societal ills while the right-wingers and their fascist lackeys pick the public pocket and manipulate those who are the most ignorant into making the worst choices possible in supporting policies that ultimately destroy their own living standards. Allard was right on in pontificating from the electronic pulpit this morning in getting the message out, ‘Dullard’ as he is nicknamed according to a Time Magazine story was the perfect pitchman for this message of hate, Adolf Eichmann was also a nondescript, ordinary type of guy but always a loyal servant to an evil system as is ‘Dullard’. He and his ilk love to invoke the constitution and the intent of the founders and always find the First Amendment a useful shield whenever they are cowering behind it in order to tear down the rights that are guaranteed to all and not only those with their particular ideology and fealty to the elitists who run the system. He actually came across as a sort of a more refined version of former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan, a much smoother dissembler but the key job requirement of a Senator is exactly to be a highly polished liar and in this Allard fit the bill and was a perfect representative of a Republican Congress that is such an unrepentant mass of crooks and cheats gathered together in a house of ill repute that it is only a matter of time until a constitutional amendment is introduced to ban the display of Flying Spaghetti Monsters to appease the bible thumping yokels who may as well be screaming “RAPE ME” to their elected representatives as “PRAISE JESUS”! Personally I would love to see these rebel flag waving Neanderthals just secede from the union or even make a mass exodus to Texas where they can install George W. Bush as their Moses and Earthly king in two and a half years after he finally leaves the White House but it isn’t that simple, unfortunately we have to live with these idiots for better or worse, like a really bad marriage.

Maybe we have finally found something for which we can all pray together for: separation!

Anyway, enough of that tangent for the time being. Tonight is the big night…6/6/6 and I would strongly advise any and all free thinkers, liberals and most especially gays to lock yourselves inside safely and barricade the doors….the vampires and werewolves will be out in force tonight along with the freaks. They will gather together in their megachurches and board buses to the pastures where they can watch for the sky turning red and parting for the return of Jesus Christ and the opening kickoff of the Rapture. They will dance and cavort while smearing themselves in goats blood and feces while singing in strange tongues, thumping their dog-eared copies of Glorious Appearing and braying psychotically at the full moon in anticipation that the long-awaited end times will begin and their pathetic, wretched little lives on Earth will end and they will all be summoned up (minus the XXL Dale Earnhardt T-shirts) to sit at the right hand of God and watch their bosses, the liberals, the gays and the Clintons forced to endure plague after plague and unspeakable violence during the tribulation.

All of this is highly unlikely and pure hokum to any with a smidgen of intelligence, but wouldn’t it be extremely amusing (at least to me) to actually see following two things:
1: Jesus Christ actually returning to Earth and the subsequent horror of the red staters in realizing that he is actually a LIBERAL who is disdainful toward the corrupting influence of wealth, decries the indiscriminate bombing and execution of children of a darker complection than our lilly white asses, preaches tolerance towards your fellow man, disdains those who turn worshipping into a spectacle in garish and gauch mega-churches and their accompanying pomp and circumstance and loathes hypocrisy.
2: Seeing the ignorant peckerwood worshippers of the pulp fiction gospel of Tim LaHaye run as fast as they possibly can to their pickup trucks in order to scrounge up enough wood and a big assed nail gun to have another crucifixion.