Category Archives: John Boehner

Plaintive Wails From Planet Shit

The Ideological cornerstone of Modern GOP political theory

No one in this world has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. Nor has anyone ever lost public office thereby.-H. L. Mencken


Good God, here we fucking go again. In addition to the renewed flogging of that tired old al-Qaeda warhorse, the ongoing focus on the most ridiculously destructive wedge issue of all time: ABORTION and the fear and smear bread and butter tactics of scaring the bejesus out of simpleton yokels while screeching “unpatriotic” and “traitor” at opponents. Leave it to the recently ousted Paul Wolfowitz to blame it all on the liberal media. The two-time loser Wolfman who was recently run out of the World Bank on a rail after his bestowing of a lavish salary on his personal fuck buddy Shaha Ali Riza (an Arab of all things which must have gone over like an inconvenient burst of flatulence at those AIPAC Anonymous gatherings) who dumped him soon afterwards generated mass outrage bemoaned his fate with that baleful neocon lament that it was ALL the media’s fault. I am still trying to suppress a gag reflex at the thought of any woman doing the naked horizontal bop with that comb-sucking freak.

These people have absolutely no fucking shame! First they spend millions if not billions of dollars constructing a perpetual propaganda machine that makes Joseph Goebbels look like a rank amateur, further hedge their bets by consolidating nearly every fucking aspect of the mainstream media into five or six goliaths with interlocking directorates then use this vast electronic echo chamber to piss away an entire generation by selling them tabloid illusions as reality as well as instilling a deep seated free floating fear and the accompanying national meanness that comes with it and he actually has the balls to blame the pocket media for his Clintonesque worshipping of his own dick at the expense of any semblance of the sort of moral authority that could be reasonably expected from the president of the World Bank. But as we peasants are all too often reminded in the sordid land of post 9/11 Homeland Amerika the rules don’t ever apply to either neocons or other servants the three-headed monster of the Bush-Cheney-Rove Axis of Evil.

Jesus fucking Christ these people have no shame but I repeat myself.

I would be hard pressed to think of a more nauseating spectacle than the unctuous fraud John Boehner’s breaking into a blubbery jag of crocodile tears during the debate on the Iraq spending bill on Thursday. Times have changed, such an outburst ruined the political career of Ed Muskie in another era but then that was when high crimes and misdemeanors and fibbing about a blowjob was the trigger of impeachment proceedings. It was a performance for the ages that was so bad that it bordered on camp or the sort of faux macho cheese that you typically would find in an Arnold Schwarzenegger or Fred Thompson movie where the Alpha male musk fills the air like a ripe wheel chasing skunk that just met it’s match on the hottest day in July. It reminded me of that scene in the movie “Used Cars” where Toby the dog plays along with one of the lot lizard scams by playing dead to generate sympathy and guilt that would cause the prospective buyer to shell out money for the overpriced lemon that he would drive off the lot (the door fell off on the way out) – “that price is just too fucking high”! (I just had to slip that line in). Boner’s [sic] waterworks were right up there in terms of rank cynicism and in sneering insincerity as the tactics of any of the sleazeballs employed by the Fuchs Brothers on their competing lots and God knows in America there are ALWAYS buyers for that sort of lame horseshit – a land of suckers who breed like fucking rabbits and are ever proud to call themselves Republicans.

I know that it’s one hell of a statement to make regarding the less than becoming conduct of the House Minority Leader especially given the recent history of the best little whorehouse in Washington but his bawl baby routine is right up there with every act of sordid rottenness of the House that begat Newt Gingrich and Tom DeLay. It surpassed Ohio’s star spangled tomboy Jean Schmidt’s cowardly shanking of John Murtha, the banishment of John Conyers to a basement closet to conduct unofficial hearings on The Downing Street Memo, the calling of the Capitol police on Democrats by piss baby Republican sore winners, the routine tantrums of the jowly James Sensenbrunner and even the disgraced pervert Mark Foley’s cybersex with young boys during legislative sessions. I just can’t sugar coat it any more than that.

Le Enfant Terrible is taking Adolf Hitler’s advice to heart that “If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed” invoked al-Qaeda 19 times during a hastily called press conference on Thursday. In repeating the talking point cadence to the army of red stated simian knuckledraggers Bush even managed to hit a new low for himself (no small accomplishment given his criminal career) by suggesting that the swarthy bearded ones were coming after the children of reporters who did not recognize that their primary duty was deference to the unitary executive and who refused to act as bobbleheads while engaging in their normal stenography. According to Dana Milbank of the Washington Post:

The session was called to draw attention to the fact that Democratic leaders had just caved in to Bush’s demand that the Iraq spending bill have no withdrawal timeline. But as frequently happens at presidential events these days, it quickly became al-Qaeda, all the time. Bush invoked the terrorist group 19 times and even suggested it was going after individual reporters’ kids.

“They are a threat to your children, David,” he advised NBC’s David Gregory.

“It’s a danger to your children, Jim,” Bush informed the New York Times’ Jim Rutenberg.

This last warning was perplexing, because Rutenberg has no children, only a brown chow chow named Little Bear. It was unclear whether Bush was referring to a specific and credible threat to Little Bear or merely indicating there was increased “chatter in the system” about chow chows in general.

At least a passing bird had sense enough to shit on our national fucking disgrace of a ‘war president’ by offering up a great exclamation point to the Rose Garden snake oil sale event. The Republicans are determined to play the terrorism card and to deal it from the bottom of the deck until either hell freezes over or until the feckless, slack jawed sheep in the Democratic majority finally get the stones to hold REAL hearings and start impeaching, arresting and hauling all of the vermin off to prison where the filthy motherfuckers belong. Rudy Giuliani can’t get three words out of his mouth without mentioning 9/11 and the remainder of the ideologically bankrupt goose stepper caucus parrots the party line as they always have. The Republican strategy always reminds me of that National Lampoon cover “If you don’t buy this magazine we’ll kill this dog”.

While armchair patriots across the land fired up their BBQ’s and swilled beer in honor of their three day weekends the ‘commander guy’ defiled the final resting place of America’s fallen heroes by dragging his draft dodging ass to Arlington National Cemetery to spew lame platitudes about such empty slogans as duty, honor and sacrifice for democracy. If the dead could only call bullshit on the sort of amoral politicians who ensured that they would end up at Arlington they might say something like this from Dalton Trumbo’s Johnny Got His Gun:

As for the Neville Chamberlain wing of the war party, the Democrats made much ado that Queen Hillary and Barrack Obama voted against the Bush Iraq Carte Blanche Enabling Act but lost in translation is that neither actually voted when the fate of the bill was still in question. Both of them slithered out from their DLC rocks well after their symbolic votes had lost their meaning but it’s good PR that will endlessly be pimped to the dumb asses happily awash in blissful ignorance in this attention deficit democracy. The Bob Schrum disciples will be sure to dissemble, spin post their swill on notorious Operation Mockingbird vacuum cleaner operation clearinghouses like Daily Kos and continue to talk a good fight while rolling over again and again for King George. At least Joe Biden cast his vote while the outcome hadn’t been decided which while more deserving of merit than Hillary and Obama’s cowardice shows that he has a tin ear outside of his regular appearances for Dick Cheney’s favorite lapdog Tim Russert on ‘Press The Meat’ and still can’t pull his foot out from that flaming bag of dogshit but in this twisted, sick bizarro world he proves even a one eyed man can be king in the land of the blinded albeit temporarily, such is the fleeting cognitive dissonance of the days of the Bushreich.

And finally, Satan’s Memorial Day pit BBQ was a smashing success as the Reverend Jerry Falwell’s fat ass was served basted with a nice chili chutney mixed with blackstrap molasses and slow roasted on a spit until well done.

You can always hear the people who are willing to sacrifice somebody else’s life. They’re plenty loud and they talk all the time. You can find them in churches and schools and newspapers and legislatures and congress. That’s their business. They sound wonderful. Death before dishonor. This ground sanctified by blood. These men who died so gloriously. They shall not have died in vain. Our noble dead.

Hmmmm..

But what do the dead say?

Did anybody ever come back from the dead any single one of the millions who got killed did any one of them ever come back and say by god I’m glad I’m dead because death is always better than dishonor? Did they say I’m glad I died to make the world safe for democracy? Did they say that I like death better than losing liberty? Did any of them ever say it’s good to think I got my guts blown out for the honor of my country? Did any of them ever say look at me I’m dead but I died for decency and that’s better than being alive? Did any of them ever say here I am I’ve been rotting for two years in a foreign grave but it’s wonderful to die for your native land? Did any of them say hurray I died for womanhood and I’m happy see how I sing even though my mouth is choked with worms?

Nobody but the dead know whether all these things people talk about are worth dying for or not. And the dead can’t talk. So the words about noble deaths and sacred blood and honor and such are all put into dead lips by grave robbers and fakes who have no right to speak for the dead. If a man says death before dishonor he is either a fool or a liar because he doesn’t know what death is. He isn’t able to judge. He only knows about living. He doesn’t know anything about dying. If he is a fool and believes in death before dishonor let him go ahead and die.

Advertisements