Category Archives: Dennis Hastert

Slow Roasting Pork

The fat man is singing. He is dancing in the streets at a party in a nice neighborhood on the outskirts of Chicago. He is wearing the pancake makeup and costume of a clown, making balloon animals for children. He is the envy of many and he is a successful man, a Christian man whose family values and membership in respectful organizations like the Jaycees made him a role model to those unsuspecting of his dark side and hidden impulses.

Police investigating a series of disappearances of young men eventually came to suspect John Wayne Gacy and by the time that 29 bodies were dug up on his property his name was guaranteed to live in infamy for not only his sadistic cruelty and homosexual deviance in torturing and murdering 33 male victims who had been lured into the web of the evil sexual predator but for his banality.

I personally find it humorous for some bizarre reason that I am unable to explain that John Wayne Gacy’s suburban Illinois home where the corpses were excavated is not far from the stomping grounds of one John Dennis Hastert, another singing and dancing Chicago area fat man who today finds his acre of ass entrapped in a very ugly, burgeoning scandal that is turning into a media circus involving the cover-up of the conduct of a Republican Congressman and sexual predator for the sake of political expediency.

Despite his steadfast refusal to resign his post as Speaker of the House over the failure to adequately address warnings that Mark Foley was possibly just a little bit more than “overly friendly” John Dennis Hastert is running out of room to maneuver. His much ballyhooed at the time American Values Agenda has ignited in his chubby fingers like a prank bag of flaming dogshit and with each passing day more of those who had been previously duped and hornswoggled by GOP snake oil salesmen are beginning to slowly come to the realization that the only family with ‘values‘ along the lines of those of the Republicans is the Manson Family. It is hard to suppress guffaws of sardonic laughter when reading the following statement from Jabba the Hastert that was issued only a few short months ago:

“The American Values Agenda will defend America’s founding principles. Through this agenda, we will work to protect the faith of our people, the sanctity of life and freedoms outlined by our founding fathers. Radical courts have attempted to gut our religious freedom and redefine the value system on which America was built. We hope to restore some of those basic values through passing this legislative agenda and renewing our country’s commitment to faith, freedom and life.”That was back at the end of June when Republicans were getting their swagger back and braying their trademark nationalist outrage at ‘America haters’ who did not support the flag burning amendment that is normally rolled out just in time for the Fouth of July but a few months is an eternity in the game of politics where glory is fleeting and infamy long lasting.

Just like his master Tom DeLay did when he was going down, the porcine Hastert took the low road of a career scoundrel and in the true spirit of the culture of victimization that is the authoritarian hard right he blamed his own failings on somebody else. Pity the poor right-wingers, they are always the victims. If it’s not women, homosexuals, trial lawyers, Commies, judges, the ACLU it is the liberals fault and ABC too for not succumbing to bribery and pressure and going ahead with the Foley story. When a skunk is cornered it sprays in every direction seeking to contaminate the air so it can escape, the longtime Rovian strategy is to muddy the waters in order to confuse and distract and to smear and slime and hurl accusations at phantoms so the fat slob took to the airwaves on the pill popper’s show to get the message out to the angry army and circumvent the goddamned, fucking liberal media:

“We have a story to tell, and the Democrats have — in my view have — put this thing forward to try to block us from telling the story. They’re trying to put us on defense.”

Slobbered Hastert as blamed the great liberal conspiracy that has served as rocket fuel for the rise of authoritarian right-wing fascism. His multiple chins quivered like ripples of pink gelatin fraught with indignity as he spat out his invective and vitriolic words like carefully aimed daggers.

To borrow ultra-right wing lunatic David Horowitz’ revisionist reworking of the Clausewitz quote that “war is nothing but a continuation of politics by other means”, to apply to raw partisanship I must agree that today politics IS war. It is also deliciously ironic that the “story to tell” otherwise known as 9/11 and the accompanying fear mongering and slander that goes along with it that Hastert and his ilk are being undone by that one thing that it is even more precious to Americans than their cringing need for protection – their insatiable obsession with sex. It is the ultimate in schadenfreude that the party that not long ago shut the country down over a blowjob is now seeing their best laid plans disintegrate in a sea of prurient smut.

According to a recent Reuters story, the Bush administration’s political machinations have been stalled albeit temporarily by the same lurid sexual tabloidism that they have successfully traficked in for so long.And of course our national strong daddy figure himself George W. Bush came out to say that he is “standing by Hastert” along with all of the usual suspects who are now closing ranks and expressing satisfaction with an insincere apology. It is worth remembering that the same crowd once wanted to all but march Bill Clinton to the guillotine for a consensual affair with a member of the opposite sex who was of legal age at the time.

Of course this should surprise nobody at all who has any ablilty to engage in critical thinking; it would only be shocking if he would jettison a reprobate or an incompetent of significant power and any such action would be the first for a man adrift in a sea of immorality with a busted compass and a stuck rudder. Bush has an affinity for dishonorable men for he himself is among the most dishonorable of them all and like a crime boss bestowing a kiss on the cheek of one of f an underling so has he rallied to the defense of John Dennis Hastert.

John Dennis Hastert’s rote statements of pandering to ‘the base’ (Al Qaeda also means ‘the base’)under a vaguely defined umbrella of Rorschachian ‘values’ that are primarily manifested in partisan loyalty. Buzz words and scapegoats have now become so expansive so as to include not only defenses of the standard rank fixers, charlatans, thieves, shake down artists, false prophets, babbling asses, Bush sycophants and outright sleaze mongers but are now also is inclusive to degenerate sexual predators whose lusting after young males is so pathological that according to sources including ABC Foley once had to leave during a floor vote to go and run a batch over an impromptu session of cyber sex.

But Republicans as they have been so good at reminding us are the ‘values’ people and those who stand on that wall to defend society from the pitchfork bearing hordes of liberals run amok who hate us for our way of life. According to Vote Smart Hastert received a 100 percent rating from the Family Research Council in 2005 for his stance on family and childrens issues. FRC must have known something because they only saw fit to bestow upon Foley, and I kid you not with this number that is slang for inverted simultaneous oral sex a rating of 69!

The involvement of the House Ethics Committee is nothing more than window dressing, the committee is neutered and will be more interested in presenting the façade of a legitimate investigation when in essence it is only damage control and trying to run out the clock for desperate Republicans. Any findings by the committee should be treated with as much credibility as an internal audit undertaken by employees of the Corleone family into allegations of potential criminal activity within the Genco Olive Oil Company. Oh and then there is the FBI investigation, which I am sure will be performed with all the due diligence that longtime Bush toady Alberto Gonzalez can muster will leave no stone unturned in this latest egregious example of the corrupting influence of unfettered power.

John Wayne Gacy was such a malevolent monster, so irredeemably evil and unremorseful for his many sins that his last words before he was executed were reportedly “You can kiss my ass”. After his body was pumped full of a sufficient quantity of toxic chemicals to ensure that he had departed from this mortal coil his brain was removed to be studied by forensic pathologists for abnormalities that may have caused his inhuman tendencies and propensity for cruelty. Regarding his victims he sneeringly remarked that:

“They were just a bunch of worthless little queers and punks”.I would not be one bit surprised to hear the same words about Democrats and critics spew forth from the pie holes of Bush, Rove, Hastert, Gingrich, O’Reilly, Coulter, Cheney, Frist, Dobson or any one of hundreds of other members of the American Fascist Party, so intense is their disdain and contempt for the very concept of a constitutional republic and the democracy that Americans until only a scant half decade ago took for granted as their birthright.

Perhaps when John Dennis Hastert and all of his vile Republican cohorts die the same thing should be done with their brains so that we may one day understand what drives these monsters so as to be best able to prevent it for the sake of future generations.