The Pigman and the Pigskin
In a bit of breaking sports news this week it has been announced that Rush Hudson Limbaugh III is considering a purchase of the woeful St. Louis Rams of the NFL. This must be just wonderful news to all of the fat, beer-swilling slobs who march in the angry army of Dittohead dopes in full team regalia, their populist everyman who has soooo much in common with their downtrodden and busted out asses has the coin to pony up to buy an NFL franchise. The utter sardonic humor in this is that the ignorant fucks do not begrudge the gas giant the mega millions that he has parlayed their decades of mass stupidity into because under the grand sham of capitalism they too may one day be the ones who are successful enough to be rich enough to buy a football team.
If this goes down, and there are serious questions whether an image conscious global marketing colossus such as the NFL would want such an openly racist fiend as an owner, if for no other reason than the league is drooling at the prospect of going global in the fairly near future. He would certainly be a good fit with the fraternity of assholes who are the league owners, good ole boys like Jerry Jones, Daniel Snyder and Al Davis among others, high-rolling pricks who if they do happen to be racists at least don’t wear it on their sleeves. Limbaugh would actually be the most amusing sports owner since Nazi apologist Marge Schott ran the Cincinnati Reds and once referred to star players Eric Davis and Dave Parker as her “million dollar niggers”. This would be a natural for the pigman, having lost prestige with the clueless dumbasses to the savage meld of Jimmy Swaggert/Lonesome Rhodes that is Glenn Beck it may finally be time for the big fat drug addled swine to move on to luxury suites and golf courses with his fellow multi-millionaires. The modern Republican party that he helped to built has taken a turn towards outright Weimar era Nazism with the embracing of Palin pinhead populism and the merger with the Birthers and Deathers and their future blood purges of the wealthy may just include a certain lard assed phony with purported talent on loan form God but who is unable to get an erection without the help of Big Pharma products. They may just storm his Palm Beach castle like the Columbian hit squad at the end of Brian DePalma’s Scarface and mount his ass-lookalike head on a pole like in the Lord of the Flies.
The Rams are a mess these days, having been rolled over the weekend by the juggernaut San Francisco 49ers 35-0 in which they surrendered three defensive touchdowns. Other than the hapless Tampa Bay Buccaneers and their penny pinching owners with their bargain basement coach Raheem Morris who could easily be replaced by some half smart wino found sleeping off a drunk under an I-275 overpass, the Rams just may be the worst team in football right now. The two don’t meet this season so there is a realistic chance that the 2008 Detroit Lions 0-16 may be matched by both teams this year. It’s been a long time since the greatest show on turf in St. Louis when Jesus Warner and his fleet of quicksilver fast wide receivers became media darlings with their potent and prolific offense and to many the potential ownership of the Grand Poobah himself would assuredly sell lots of tickets even in these rotten economic times.
In addition to being an iconoclast here in the blogosphere I must admit that my one serious jones in life other than politics and the study of the decay of the American empire is pro football. Being from Denver it’s in the blood, rumor has it that my first words were “fuck the Raiders” and in the future I may slip in some Enchoized sports writing just for the hell of it. I must admit that I am impressed in the 4-0 start by the Broncos and the much maligned Baby Belichick who was practically run out of town before his first game for trading the overrated piss baby quarterback Jay Cutler to the Chicago Bears. Denver never got over that whole John Elway thing and has been on a Captain Ahab like quest to find his successor ever since at the expense of the rest of the team. Brian Griese, Jake Plummer and now Kyle Orton have followed up ole horseface and have probably one playoff win combined. Rest assured that Orton is not going to add to that total, especially with a Bataan death march of a schedule the rest of the way that features road games against the Ravens, Colts and Eagles as well as two contests with the Chargers, and one each with the Patriots, Giants, Steelers. That 4-0 is likely to be 7-9 or 8-8 with the only real locks being two games with the Chiefs, the Raiders at home and the pathetic Redskins in the District of Criminals. Still though, it’s right up there with many of the late Shanahan years and the rid themselves of the next Jeff George in the process.
Ahhh but I digress…
We will see what comes of the pigman’s Rams bid, there will likely be revisits of the ill fated ESPN experiment when Lord Limbaugh was undone by his racist comments against Donovan McNabb – to this day I still can’t understand why former Bronco great Tom Jackson didn’t just take down the swine with one of the savage, bone-crunching tackles that he made while wearing the orange – shock perhaps? But the outcry will be limited in post 9/11 Murka, Limbaugh is of course a celebrity and therefore untouchable in the corporate media, he was featured on the new Jay Leno show the other night and was the darling of the audience, in dumbass America you can sell anything, look at that oily little greaseball Tom DeLay on Dancing With the Stars…
Perhaps Limbaugh can one day succeed ala Jerrah Jones down in Dallas in building a mammoth television screen in the future taxpayer financed Dittohead Dome where he can have a captive audience for the two minute hate.
Just my two cents over the mornin cup o’ joe