Planet Shit Dispatch: Pimping Chelsea Edition
No Fucking Sense of Humor: The overall shrillness of tone and the incredibly harsh and disproportionate response to MSNBC shithack David Shuster’s perfectly in bounds (in my opinion anyway) critical comment: “Doesn’t it seem as if Chelsea is sort of being pimped out in some weird sort of way?” is just another one of those examples how the media has so abysmally failed America – you never see potential child fucking degenerate and drug addicted gasbag Rush Limbaugh being castigated but then again he is shilling for Clinton too along with the shrieking skank Ann Coulter. The outrage along the left front of the blogosphere over this is over the top and disingenuous as well as a show of strength of a ruthless Clinton machine that is not to be trifled with. That MSNBC would yank Shuster over something as relatively mild as this is a knee jerk response and more proof that the Clinton restoration is nigh as if Rupert Murdoch’s sucking up to the Queen wasn’t enough.
The Clintons consistently work the refs with all the calculating bullying of any veteran Republican operative ever has with their damned lies about the ‘liberal media’ and now with Rodham-Clinton within sniffing distance of King Bush’s throne the CEO’s don’t want to risk offending the ultimate Machiavellian power bitch and then being cut off of the dole by a vicious political machine that will give Karl Rove a run for his money when it comes to running the spoils system. Rolling Stone magazine writer Matt Taibbi’s great new piece on Queen Hitlery that is entitled The New Nixon is required reading not only for his spot on description of the bitch as a paranoid, easily angered manipulator whose relentlessness and pure cold blooded political instinct is right up there with the dark master himself. I just love this part, especially the comparison of the amoral hired gun Mark Penn (he also has had luminaries like Blackwater’s Erik Prince on his client list) as some sort of a combination of Karl Rove and Jabba the Hutt:
Penn is the Democratic version of Karl Rove. He even looks like Rove, only he’s fatter and more disgusting. Up close in a forum like this, his eyes bulge out of his fat, blood-flushed head; his neck spills out of his too-tight shirt collar; and he generally looks like Jabba the Hutt, his suit bursting at the seams, with only the bowl of snackable live toads suspended at arm’s length missing from the picture.
After Obama’s win in Iowa, everyone familiar with the Clintons and how they operate could have set their watches by the Hillary camp’s inevitable decision to start reminding America of the dangers of electing a black teenager on coke. There is now a sudden sense on the campaign trail that the electoral chaos of the last year is a thing of the past, that this race is once again back in the hands of scaly Washington pros like Penn, the whole contest reduced to a series of empty PR ploys on the level of a staged crying fit and a series of back-channel character attacks. The Clintons are back, running things as they always have, with their back-stabbing, inside-baseball mastery, their fanatical, almost religious pursuit of the political fork in the road, their boundless faith in ruthless corporate bagmen of the Penn genus and other such faceless electoral point-shavers.
Taibbi is absolutely fucking great (while he and I part ways on 9/11), a true heir apparent to Hunter S. Thompson at the Rolling Stone which has also returned to the days of great political writing and he has also landed a gig on HBO’s Real Time With Bill Maher and seriously pissed off Hillary advocate and NOW president Kim Gandy with his hilarious commentary like this one from the show transcript:
TAIBBI: Yeah, I mean, I think Hillary Clinton’s whole thing about, you know how – “Well, I voted for the war; I voted for the authorization, but I didn’t know he was actually going to go in there.”
TAIBBI: I mean, what a load of horseshit. [laughter] I mean, really. I mean, back in November, I mean, Bush and Cheney were practically already modeling their desert fatigues back then. [laughter] We all knew they were going into Iraq. I mean, the idea – I mean, the Democrats basically – they were afraid the war was going to be over in two weeks, that gas was going to be 50 cents a gallon and that Bush was going to be doing parades all summer. And they were going to be left out of it, looking weak.
What is missing though was Taibbi’s emphasis on the word HORSESHIT as well as the clearly audible sound of Ms. Gandy’s puckering asshole. At least somebody has a sense of humor to go along with a keen eye for the truth.
Super Tuesday Musings: Stick a fork in Willard Mitt Romney’s ultra slick ass because he is fucking done, it was too hard to sell the knuckle dragging Raptureheads a flip flopper from Massachusetts no matter how hard that the Wall Street greedheads wanted one of their own to keep shoveling the slop into the feeding trough. Romney officially ‘suspended’ his campaign on Thursday after getting little return on his personal $35 million dollar investment outside of the bastions of those who are rumored to believe that Jesus and the Devil are brothers which at least theoretically if true would mean that they would be Republicans. Elmer Gantry Huckabee held his own south of the Mason-Dixon in peckerwood nation and Manchurian McCain has completed his miraculous comeback from being scorned, ridiculed and mocked as a shameless opportunist and clearly out of touch septuagenarian war junkie but thanks to a convergence of the perfect storm of the great General Petraeus bait and switch, the stumping of the vile fucking turncoat Joe Lieberman and the chronic ineptitude of the Pelosi-Reid leadersheep has risen like the proverbial Phoenix. The reincarnation of McCain ironically may be the best thing to ever happen to the Democratic party because if he is able to win the White House over the much loathed Clintons then it will likely mean the death of the parasitical DLC as well and clear the way for a progressive/liberal resurgence. Then again he just may be the man crazy enough to actually launch the nukes on Tehran and even worse than the prospects of global thermonuclear war are the prospects that he may choose Jeb Bush as his running mate.
Hillary Clinton may have lost the overall count in states but won the big ones in New York, California and Massachusetts (despite the endorsement of the Kennedys) and while having to dig into her own pocket for five million bucks she knows damned well that she has the super delegates in her pocket as well and if she can just keep the campaign solvent until the DemocRATS roll into Denver for what appears to be a brokered convention the fix is indeed in. Rest assured that up to this point the big winners are the establishment and the elimination of voices that don’t parrot the party line of the glories of rapacious neoliberal capitalism or join in the madhouse choir for perpetual war like Dennis Kucinich, John Edwards, Mike Gravel and Ron Paul have been easily stifled so that the two-party con game can go on for perpetuity and the war on the American people can continue unabated.
On Any Given Sunday: Ok, now we know why I will never be able to make a living betting on football games. Final score: Giants 17 Patriots 14. So much for that 4 td ass stomping that I had predicted in my Super Bowl preview post but that I am cool with it because it was one hell of a football game and ranks right up there with my personal favorite when a Denver Broncos team that was given absolutely no chance by the media dorks went into San Diego and upset the heavily favored Green Bay Packers 31-24 and the score would have been much more lopsided had stud running back Terrell Davis not missed the second quarter with a migraine. But I have a reason for this, I grew up in Denver and the worship of the Broncos was akin to a local religion and let’s face it, after suffering through four of those rotten Super Bowl ass kickings with my team on the receiving end it was fucking great to see. I am quite up front in my bias on this.
Super Bowl XLII however was an awesome game, hats off to the Giants for shocking the idiots in the media by playing David to New England’s Goliath. They played one hell of a game and that defense rolled over the hapless Pats offensive more easily than the Bush-Cheney junta does over the perennially feckless Democratic Congress. At least I was half right about the game when I said:
A Patriots loss may be phenomenal and the story of the century to the media but to even the casual, serious NFL fan it really wouldn’t be a surprise at all. Hell, it’s not like New England has been playing dominant ball the last month or so and were given all that they could handle by a hobbled San Diego Charger team coached by Norv fucking Turner for Christ’s sake to even get to the Super Bowl this year. The 2007 version of the “Greatest Show on Turf” has been downright ordinary since rolling the hapless Buffalo Bills by 46 points back in November. The unbeaten streak may be nice (and I am actually hoping that they cap it off just for the sake of shutting up all of those classless motherfuckers on the 72 Dolphins once and for all) but it is only intact because A.J. Feely finally remembered who he was and the Baltimore Ravens punk mentality combined with the refs for an assisted suicide that was worthy of Dr. Jack Kervorkian so all of that bullshit about the 18-0 juggernaut is just that – bullshit. As the maxim goes in regards to the NFL on any given Sunday…
The Patriots are definitely beatable what remains to be seen is whether the New York Giants are the team to finally put the spear through the dream season.
Well the 1972 Miami Dolphins are still perfect assholes, there is no such thing as a sure thing when it comes to sports and Bill Belichick is still a classless douchebag; I mean what the fuck was that with walking off the field before the final gun had sounded? If you look up sore loser in the dictionary it should now have a picture of the scowling Belichick in his Unabomber style hoodie next to it. I don’t know what puts the giant bug up Belichick’s ass, after all he already has five rings and his three wins without the vastly overrated media creation that is Bill Parcells and the legend of the Big Tuna as the second coming of Vince Fucking Lombardi has pretty much been debunked no matter how hard that the jackasses in the corporate sports punditry try to peddle their storylines. I guess that he is just a total fucking prick when it really comes down to it.
Often maligned Giants QB Eli Manning looked more like his record setting older brother in picking apart the swiss cheese New England defense in the fourth quarter and that play where he barely escaped a sack to throw that amazing ball to David Tyree who made an equally amazing catch was the dagger in the Pats back, the rest was only a formality. They were beaten like cringing, whipped dogs and 18-1 will now be a figure that will live in infamy right up there with that absurd 537 votes that George Bush allegedly bested Al Gore by in Florida when the 2000 election was stolen. Peyton’s little brother was clutch when it came down to it and consistently delivered throughout the playoffs to complete the family sweep of the last two year’s title games. In an interesting side note that I am sure will not be lost on Giants management Eli was unbeaten after notorious team cancer tight end Jeremy Shockey was knocked out for the year in week sixteen so look for the prima donna to be sent packing in the offseason, he sure seems like he has Oakland Raider written all over him.
While the game was great the commercials represented yet another nadir for western society with many of them pimping E Trade and other financial snake oil outlets in order to draw in just enough suckers to the rapidly collapsing stock market for the big boys to cash out and leave the amateurs holding bags of flaming dogshit. The worst commercial though has to go to Coke for that ridiculous James Carville-Bill Frist feat of mental masturbation designed to appeal to the political awareness of the dumbest motherfuckers on the face of the planet and it wreaked havoc with my digestive system that even surpassed the ravages of the nacho cheese dip with habanero peppers.
I think I’ll stick with Pepsi.
By Ed Encho