Agony And Ecstasy
American Idolatry: The much hyped season premier of the cheesy celebrity wannabe show American Idol debuted this week, a fifth year of the crap that has come to pass for true democracy in the intellectual wasteland of 21st century America. The show has become yet another example of how Rupert Murdoch has built a better mousetrap through his continuing pollution of the national television culture addicted to the cheap and relatively shame free voyeurism of so called reality shows, court t.v., the overly hyped saturation coverage of the latest missing white teenager, child killing pervert or celebrity love tryst of the week. Murdoch has been a crucial ally to the Bush-Cheney junta and his uncanny ability to pander to the lowest common denominators of the troubled national psyche have provided the FOX empire with hit after hit and the necessary cash to purchase increasing amounts of influence through a symbiotic relationship with the democracy destroying machine that is the Republican party, specifically manifested in the nascent dictatorship of George W. Bush, a travesty only made possible by the national embarrassment that American Idol is able to create more voter participation on a weekly basis than most non presidential elections.
As the launching pad for such pseudo celebrities as Clay Aiken, Ruben Studdard and Kelly Clarkson A.I. casts a wide net spanning every possible demographic in order to ensnare drone like audiences of millions, many whose cultlike devotion to the show borders on outright spookiness. This nationally televised version of karaoke is a monster hit and although American Idol is not the first time that a so called ‘talent search’ dishonestly pimping the Jiminy Cricket Syndrome it’s popularity in today’s sociopolitical climate it is indicative of a very deep and terminal sickness that has ravaged our society over the past quarter century, a period that just happened to coincide with the rise of the radical right and the advent of technology that made the cable-satellite-internet explosion possible and allowed legions of political strategists and ideologues to use the new mediums for purposes more sinister and nefarious than the simple generation of revenue through advertising in order to push the envelope through mind control and psychological manipulation but that is a topic for another time.
Just as dogs performing in talent shows don’t have any idea of how truly ridiculous that they are made to appear by their adoring and obsessive owners neither apparently do the majority of contestants on American Idol. Most of them either warble away in tone deaf pitches blissfully unaware of just how pathetic a spectacle that they actually are while millions are transfixed by the imagery on their electronic crack pipes, laughing at the horrid exploitation. It is only when the panel of judges led by former L.A. Laker cheerleader and rumored Magic Johnson fuck toy Paula Abdul (who missed the first episode), Wacko Jacko’s untalented brother Randy (trading on a family name that although drenched in scandal still elicits more adoration than infamy) and the cruel and pompous host Simon Cowell who mockingly hectors and disses the untalented and showers them with a generous dose of the well deserved ridicule that they so are so richly deserving of. When their fifteen seconds of fame is mercifully over they can then slink away to their normal daytime jobs as retail clerks, cashiers, waiters and waitresses, floor moppers, whopper floppers and for those fortunate enough to find a job in an industry that is being offshored by the millions: telemarketers who after blowing their big chance at money and fame must return anew to toil in the hellish, boring obscurity that is reality and not the illusory fantasy of celebrity and stardom that has been drilled into their brains by television and advertising for their entire lives. They are victims and the ‘Crying Game’ is their sorry excuse for an actual life and not the Boy George song that has just been horribly skewered by one of the clueless, talent bereft losers on national television to the amusement of the millions who are even more pathetic by avidly following this trash. Some American Idol contestants actually try to pull a fast one by selecting a song that is so old that a huge part of the audience hasn’t heard the original to get a true idea of just how badly the new version really is by comparison, during Wednesday’s episode some yahoo tried to sing The Hollies ‘The Air That I Breathe’ and only succeeded in sounding like a horridly coked out version of a young Graham Nash on a helium binge.
I could probably castrate a small dog with a rusted bottle cap and the resultant pained wailing of the wounded animal would be far more melodic and ear pleasing that the horrendous, atonal keening that is regularly exhibited by A.I. performers who often conjure up memories of poor pudgy Ned Beatty being bent over a log and forced to squeal like a pig while being sodomized by the dirty toothless hillbillies in the movie Deliverance which strangely enough could be looked upon as a metaphor for what George W. Bush’s red state base has done to the more civilized parts of the country over the past five years. The neo cons have taken eugenics to the next level, Hitler’s Nazis sought to breed a superior Aryan race through genetic purity and used ruthless force and genocide as tools while the neo cons will achieve their goal of a master race through stupefying the masses by using the tools of television, celebrity and God which is a toxic cocktail to unleash on an uninformed and indoctrinated public already rendered docile and potentially violent through a deeply instilled and constantly reinforced mixture of fear, financial stress and xenophobia.
Free Speech Rocks: A new front has just opened up in the culture wars: Satellite Radio! Satellite industry runner up Sirius finally makes up for their naming of a right wing bullshit channel as ‘Sirius Patriot’ by their unleashing their secret weapon: Howard Stern UNCENSORED! If the morality police were outraged at the terrestrial radio version then they will soon be apoplectic over the new and improved Stern show, groups are already mounting petition drives in the usual attempt to bully lawmakers into leveling obscenity charges and their most hated of all shock jocks although the true obscenity is the war on free speech by the potent tag team of the prudes and the fascists who are free to rape the constitution and pillage the civil liberties of Americans in the ugly era of the post 9/11 police state that used to be the good ole US of A.
If Stern slowly dipped his toe into the water of his new domain a bit tentatively but gradually picked up momentum then the first X rated evening drive show host ‘Bubba the Love Sponge’ (a former Tampa Bay area shock jock named Todd Clem who ran for Pinellas County sheriff in 2004 and is more famous for his relationship with local area wrestler Hulk Hogan than anything else) hit the ground running with his nostrils filled with a blood scent and zeroing in on the jugular by attacking terrestrial radio goliath Clear Channel, the FCC, A.I.’s Ryan Seacrest and the overly sensitive moron minority that had chased him off of local radio and into satellite orbit. The Sponge was absolutely on fucking fire with an extremely wild and varied discourse over the first few days of his broadcast by constantly invoking graphic and raw adult content that was astonishing in its explicitness The dude rocked with a boldness and vigor that not even Charon himself could come close to, after all, I pulled a vicious parody picture of G.W.B. being butt-fucked by U.B.M. yesterday despite my commitment to be as balls nasty as humanly possibly only out of the fear that it would violate the blogger.com rules possibly resulting in a complaint by one of the little Bush sycophant douchebags who do such things so in a rare bit of restraint, albeit logical restraint I posted a less inflammatory picture (although it is my promise that the normal vicious rhetoric will continue unabated) . There was nothing even resembling that in the big boy’s show on Sirius. A studio appearance by former Playboy/Penthouse pet Victoria ‘Dr. Z’ Zdrok during which the topics ranged from golden showers, the taste and composition of female ejaculate, the pigmentation of her bunghole as well as the obligatory simulated cunnilingus during which the good doctor cooed in a Ukranian accent “leeek my pooosay Bubba”. Other segments featured explicit, expletive drenched soliloquies on masturbation, taking a dildo up the ass if it meant being able to mount and bang Jessica Schimmel from the rear, ‘tossing salad’, blowjobs and a list of sexual practices too numerous to list here in the amount of time that I have, just go visit the website if you are curious.
Stern upped the ante with a now bolder version of his standard raunchy schtick including a reference to a guy who ‘dumped a load on his chest’ at one time and for the first week featured a guest appearance by Star Trek’s Mr. Sulu, George Takei who last year announced that he was gay, a fact that a good percentage of the show’s humor at any given time was targeted at. Stern did a segue into a story about how his father used to retreat after dinner to his upstairs bathroom in order to take a huge dump and jerk off to his huge cache of porn (which the younger Stern also enjoyed on a regular basis) while polluting the air of the entire room with a fecal stench, Stern also stated that his dad would often bookmark the best porn with pieces of toilet tissue. Stern also poked fun at the holocaust by proclaiming that many Jewish men used it as a perfect opportunity to leave their families for good and said that he himself may have been named after Hitler. Stern is crazy like a fox and has parlayed his fame into a genre shattering extremely lucrative deal that will not only make him rich beyond his wildest dreams but may eventually even be a dagger that is driven into the neck of that most foul of mediums that is corporate radio, Clear Channel executives must be shitting in their pants today as are the foul repression obsessed political apparatchiks whose agenda they so serve in their efforts to homogenize, dumb down and suppress dissent in order to promote standardized cheap and lousy product.
It may be crude, rapacious and scatological but the unbelievably explicit talk is exhilarating to hear to the point of being a gigantic turn on and hearing such language flowing from my car speakers was outright ecstasy nearly along the lines of the incredible feeling of the protagonist of Jim Carroll’s classic ‘The Basketball Diaries’ when he climbs up onto the roof of his apartment one night in order to get naked and pleasure himself under the beauty of the stars in the evening sky. Unfettered and unregulated free speech has personally taken on something of an aphrodisiac quality given my renewed appreciation for the first amendment as well as its fragility and with not being an exhibitionist it was easy to repress any sudden urges to jump up on my car hood while at a stoplight during rush hour traffic in order to run a batch but the spirit was there. I have never been a devotee of either Howard Stern or Bubba the Love Sponge and don’t typically get jazzed up over nasty sex talk but damn it, I was impressed by the utterly vile content of their initial shows and the glimmer of hope of the potential of one day having freedom from the Gestapo tactics of Bush’s FCC Nazis and their activist religious morality enforcers. It was wonderful and bordering on outright orgasmic to hear the reemergence of free speech from the dankest of dungeons into which it has been locked during these most dark and repressive years of the reign of King George and his zealots it was awesome.
Offended? FUCK YOU! Here is a hale and hearty welcome back for the long standing concept of freedom of speech, an American staple before the sick ascension of King George and the true evil that lurks behind the throne that is Dick Cheney. Vice is the man whose insistence on the blocking of satellite photos of his new waterfront residence as well as the restriction of any unauthorized water-borne craft would tickle the fancy of many so called conspiracy theorists who may or may not believe that Dirty Dick himself was the driving force behind 9-11 and the PNAC agenda and who just may come to the conclusion that the secrecy and security is intended to provide cover for a smuggled WMD that will eventually be detonated at an undisclosed location. Holy Jack Fucking Bauer, is it possible that a staged terrorist attack in order to ensure that totalitarianism will become the law of the land and that Stern, Clem, Me and You will soon become members of the ‘disappeared’ in the resultant totalitarian fascist police state possibly be facliltated by a bomb delivered to Dickie’s new backyard dock during a neocon BBQ? It may sound paranoid to most but does anyone really think that Dick Cheney, the most evil and loathsome cocksucker on the face of the planet would be totally incapable of such a devious and nefarious plan?
Right wing talk has ruled the airwaves for far too long and now here come the usurpers, the rebels with a long and desperately needed shot of audacity as well as a giant electronic middle finger extended to an all too powerful movement of sexually repressed control freaks determined to dictate your morality to you even if they must use the courts to shove it down your throats. Right wing radio has just been given a body blow, it is staggering and could never top Sirius for it’s reality. I mean could you even begin to draw a mental picture of the imminently conflicted, thrice divorced, drug addicted bigot Rush Limbaugh, the guru and pied piper to legions of ignorant rural rats kicking back in his EIB studio, popping tabs of ‘hillbilly heroin’ chasing it with $1,000 a bottle French wine and then inserting the empty into his rectum like a modern asexual version of Fatty Arbuckle? Talent on loan from God? I think Not! More like bullshit on loan from Satan/Rove. Right wing talk radio will forever remain as the fraudulent theatre of the absurd that it truly is while the cutting edge won’t be confined to drunken embittered farmers who have been swindled out of their land and rightful bounty on their crops by huge agribusiness entities, gun totin’ racist red state morons in peckerwood country and the uptight, sexually repressed twits of the religious right.
Sex is what ultimately sells better than any other commodity in the free market and the pure thrill of the rapture of orgasm will trump the fear filled message of the demagogues who have seized the temple and promise the deliverance of a fiery Armageddon as their rapture, preaching hellfire and damnation to all but the chosen. It is ironic that these charlatans will be the ones who are left behind as Americans flock to a base instinct even more powerful than that of fear, the desire for RAW SEX!